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Original poster

Do you share your tax credits with your cohabiting partner? (not biological dad)

65 replies

97sunnysideup · 31/01/2018 15:15

Hi! This is my first post, I have not been able to find anything specific about my circumstances so far so hoping someone can help. Not sure if I am being unfair to my partner so would appreciate any advice.

So my situation - living in a joint owned home with partner who is not my son's biological dad but cares for him as if he were. Since we have moved in together I have just continued getting my tax credits paid (after updating my circumstances) into my account just as I did while I was a single parent.

I then pay for all childcare, school dinners, uniform, clothes, trips etc from the account that they are paid into (my own).

We each pay the same amount per month into a joint account to cover mortgage, bills and food.

Recently my partner has become upset that some of the monthly money I pay into our joint account comes from tax credits and child maintenance. (I am self employed working full time)

He feels that I should be paying the monthly amount into the joint account (same as always- £700) + all tax credits, working tax credits and child maintenance.

Is this what everyone does? I'm a bit lost, am I being unfair?
Would appreciate any advice!

OP posts:

Anniegetyourgun · 31/01/2018 15:32

Well... child tax credits and child maintenance are supposed to help with child costs such as the things you list, and that's what you're spending them on. If you shunted them into the joint account you would then need to pay for the same things out of that account instead of yours. Is there any reason why it should matter which account is used? Something psychological about being kept at arm's length from financial responsibility for the DC/not feeling like a member of the family, perhaps? Or does he just think you've got a nice bit o' cash there which he'd like to have access to?

Jenny17 · 31/01/2018 15:36

Who earns more?

iceallmighty · 31/01/2018 15:41

Whether he's bio parent or not you now live as a family.
All money could go into the joint household account and then the bills attached to dc like childcare etc that you were paying with t anyway just come out of that account surely?so the amount your do pays into joint account stays the same as before but you pay in the extra tax credits and maintenance aswell as your monthly amount but pay all bills from that.

PipGirl404 · 31/01/2018 15:41

He's being utterly ludicrous. If the amount you both put in currently covers everything, then no more should be going in.

The tax credits are for YOUR child, you pay for everything relating to your child so they should keep going into your account, no questions.

Atticusss · 31/01/2018 15:52

I have 3 children, 1 from a previous relationship and 2 with my current partner. He is self employed full time and I am a SAHP. Child tax credits and child benefit are paid into my account and I use this to pay for mine and daughters phone bill, water for the house, broadband and phone, Netflix, occasional food shops-usually just top ups, and the rest is for kids clothes/shoes/equipment, clubs, school dinners, activities, birthday and Christmas presents. And we both contribute to holiday savings equally.

We discussed putting everything into a joint account but I think this way is easier as it's easier for me to keep track of what is going out and what I can afford to spend without thinking of his vehicle expenses and rent and council tax and gas and electric all on different dates etc. We have nothing to hide.

FancyNewBeesly · 31/01/2018 16:00

Well okay - pay in the tax credits and child benefit and then all costs relating to your child come out of the joint account. Bet he wouldn't like that much.

Bujinkhal · 31/01/2018 16:06

Depends entirely if he keeps separate money too or happily pays for days out, treats, presents etc etc for your DS. If he doesn't then no you're not being unreasonable, if he pays a significant amount to the "upkeep" of your son, then yes you are.

Fairylea · 31/01/2018 16:06

Hmm I guess it totally depends on your set up really. I am a sahm, dd aged 14 is from my previous marriage and dh and I have one son together. We have a joint account that all bills etc goes out of and all income goes into - so dhs wage, tax credits, child benefit, dla we receive for ds, carers allowance, everything. We then give ourselves an equal and set amount of spending money - not much as we are a low income family!- and we then transfer this to our own accounts (which are actually still joint but we use one each) to spend as we wish.

Fairylea · 31/01/2018 16:07

I should add all family days out and kids expenses etc come out of the main family account. Our spending money is just for our own personal spending.

Jigglytuff · 31/01/2018 16:10

Well if you put it into the central pot, then all costs relating to your child come out of the central pot too.

If you put all that money in, wouldn't you then be contributing more to mortgage etc?

hellsbellsmelons · 31/01/2018 16:12

So other than what he puts into the joint account, does any more of his earnings go to you?
Or does he put in the joint account the agreed amount that the both pay in and then keeps the rest for himself???
If so then he's being very grabby to try to take more of your money than he himself puts in.

If you are living together and want to share everything then all monies can go into a joint account.
All bills come out of this account.
Some is put into a joint savings account and the balance is split 50:50 between the 2 of you.
Can't see him wanting to do that.

I can see his point a bit.
As he's paying 50% but your son is there too.
Although if he wants it to work properly you need to become a properly blended family and he should consider your DS 'his' if you see what I mean.
If he doesn't and he wants you to pay more for your DS, what are your thoughts on that???

reallyanotherone · 31/01/2018 16:13

His choice isn’t it.

A) tax credits and cb go into your account and you pay all child costs. Only joint costs come out of the joint account.

B) you pay tc and cb into the joint account and all family costs come out of that account. Anything left in your own account is for your personal spending.

If he’s doing it for financial reasons he’ll probably stick with a) as anyone with sense will realise he’ll be better off.

Are you claiming tax credits as a couple? Your post reads a bit like you are still claiming as a single parent...

Original poster

97sunnysideup · 31/01/2018 16:19

Wow everyone thankyou for getting back to me so quickly!

Jenny 17 - to answer your question my partner earns substantially more, he does not need the money (sorry new at this not sure how to tag people!).

Anniegetyourgun - psychological perhaps on both sides. When we first got together he was extremely controlling, financial and otherwise, which developed into emotional abuse. This is behaviour that has more or less gone away after a lot of work between us and also forgiveness on my part (being honest) but can still rear its head occasionally. So maybe I am being cautious. But I understand how this could make him feel I don't trust him.

Atticusss - Thankyou, that is a good example of how this can work. If it ain't broke don't fix it I suppose?

OP posts:

DumbledoresApprentice · 31/01/2018 16:21

I think I it’s fair to put either a small amount of that money into the joint account to make a contribution towards rent, bills etc for your DS. Or you pay it all in and then all of your DS’s expenses need to be paid for from the joint account. It’s unreasonable for him to expect that money to go into the joint account but for your DS’s expenses to come from your personal account. I don’t think he’s unreasonable to think that some of that maintenance money should go towards the cost of providing DS with a home, shelter, utilities etc.

Original poster

97sunnysideup · 31/01/2018 16:25

Jigglytuff - Yes this is what I thought. I'm not sure if tax credits money is earmarked as 'Mine (for spending on my child's upbringing)' or 'ours'

OP posts:

EfficiencyDeficiency · 31/01/2018 16:26

If he's a high earner then are you entitled to the tax credits? Iirc the threshold for one child is 26k.

I hate to say it op but leopards don't change their spots.

Original poster

97sunnysideup · 31/01/2018 16:29

reallyanotherone - We are claiming as a couple as are co habiting so his income is considered, sorry wasnt clear on that one!

OP posts:

DumbledoresApprentice · 31/01/2018 16:31

If he’s a high earner does he have to pay the high income child benefit charge? (Or whatever it is called) If he does then I think he’s definitely got more right to expect the money to go into the joint account.

DecisionTree · 31/01/2018 16:32

When we first got together he was extremely controlling, financial and otherwise, which developed into emotional abuse. T.....

^^ oh dear ..... leopards and spots ..... please proceed with caution as it looksto me that this is one step back towards him being controlling.

I do hope i am wrong.

MyDcAreMarvel · 31/01/2018 16:35

Are you sure you are entitled to tax credits? How much do you both earn?

Original poster

97sunnysideup · 31/01/2018 16:36

hellsbellsmelons - yes we each pay in a certain amount and he then keeps what is left over of his money and I keep what is left over of mine (or rather I spend it on childcare).

EfficiencyDeficiency - He is a high earner but as a self-employed person his profit is low enough for us to still claim as a couple. I don't know how this happens but leave that to him and his accountant, all above board, I just don't know how it works. To be clear though he keeps all of his income separate and so do I, though I am genuinely a low earner.

OP posts:

Original poster

97sunnysideup · 31/01/2018 16:37

Sorry when I say high earner I mean alot higher than me, not higher earner tax bracketwise

OP posts:

Original poster

97sunnysideup · 31/01/2018 16:40

DecisionTree - thankyou I do know what you mean - if things had not been how they were in the past I would have no issue with sharing everything equally but I am reluctant to put myself in a position where I might not be able to pay for everything my son needs and that I need to pay bills etc.

OP posts:

DumbledoresApprentice · 31/01/2018 16:47

In that case I don’t think you should do it. Not if he’s going to be left with lots of spare cash and you’ll be left with nothing spare and dependant on him. You might want offer to transfer a token amount extra each month to cover your DS’s share of groceries and so on but don’t put the whole lot in. I don’t think it’s a good idea when your partner has a history of controlling behaviour.

Original poster

97sunnysideup · 31/01/2018 16:49

Ok so how about this (let me know if you think this is fair)

Plan A
Leave tax credit and working tax credit going into my personal account
Continue paying childcare, school costs etc from my personal account
Redirect Child maintenance into the Joint account £230pm
Continue paying the same £700 for bills & mortgage. So the £230 would cover the extra cost of my son's share of utilities & food

Plan B
Work out 1/3 of utilities and pay that extra into the J account

Plan C
Hide somewhere and hope this all blows over

OP posts:

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