Do you share your tax credits with your cohabiting partner? (not biological dad)

[97sunnysideup]

Hi! This is my first post, I have not been able to find anything specific about my circumstances so far so hoping someone can help. Not sure if I am being unfair to my partner so would appreciate any advice.

So my situation - living in a joint owned home with partner who is not my son's biological dad but cares for him as if he were. Since we have moved in together I have just continued getting my tax credits paid (after updating my circumstances) into my account just as I did while I was a single parent.

I then pay for all childcare, school dinners, uniform, clothes, trips etc from the account that they are paid into (my own).

We each pay the same amount per month into a joint account to cover mortgage, bills and food.

Recently my partner has become upset that some of the monthly money I pay into our joint account comes from tax credits and child maintenance. (I am self employed working full time)

He feels that I should be paying the monthly amount into the joint account (same as always- £700) + all tax credits, working tax credits and child maintenance.

Is this what everyone does? I'm a bit lost, am I being unfair?
Would appreciate any advice!

I bet he has non-resident children that he pays 'over the CSA amount' for, doesn't he?

Maybe I've misunderstood, but it doesn't sound to me as if they're defrauding the system. The OP said they are making a joint claim which takes both their self-employed incomes into account. They get working families tax credit because they are living together as a family, and child tax credits because there is a child. Tax credits aren't higher if you earn more - quite the reverse. Given that she does not in fact receive money from the higher-earning partner, I conclude that if anyone's being defrauded it's probably the OP.

To be clear, is he suggesting you start paying in more each month into the joint account than he does? Despite the fact he earns more? Or he currently pays in a lot more than you, and is saying you should even it up more (but the only way to do this is by you using TC money)?

Presume he has much more disposable income than you and he now wants you to pitch your tc /Maint in the pot ? Would he then be paying less ?..

Sounds like he's going back to his old ways.

He has no other children

dirtybadger We currently pay in an equal amount to cover mortgage & bills. He is suggesting I pay in TC, child maintenance etc to our joint account on top of the equal amount I currently pay in. So I would end up paying significantly more.

Re. defrauding. Everything on my claim is legitimate. I do not have access to his earnings. However the amount I receive may all change soon as I am only very recently self employed and they are currently reviewing my circumstances as we speak. I hadn't thought of that when I started this thread! possibly a moot point but I still really appreciate all of the advice.

I live in hope that staying with him is worth is because of the 90% of the time when he's not like this, he has been a stable influence in my sons life which I really value. But I look at what I have just written and want to slap some sense into myself!!

I'm going to offer paying some extra money in from my maintenance that I recieve if he is concerned about the extra cost of utilities. And I'll continue paying for my sons things from my personal account where Tc are received.

If he doesn't like it he can jog on, I'll see how that goes down.

Everything on my claim is legitimate. I do not have access to his earnings.

Then it isn't a joint claim and you are committing fraud as living together and claiming as a single person. You can't have it both ways.

WitchesHatRim. Sorry I didnt write that very clearly - We have a joint claim but do not share incomes.

There are some major red flags in your posts sunnysideup...you said he was very controlling previously but you worked it out....i think he is still controlling about it, that's money you get for your son, you are paying half of the bills, he shouldn't be asking for more.

You said it verge on emotional abuse, I would think very carefully what you are getting from this relationship as he doesn't seem like a nice guy.

It's really worrying that uou have no access at all to his wages yet he expects you to put more into the joint presumably for hi to access ?

Sounds Dodgy who talks about “getting one over” on the person they love?

If you both pay 50% of normal costs plus you pay everything for your son extra why is he complaining. He earns more than you so he has much more income left over.

Presume most of your child costs are fixed more or less so need paying regardless. It be different if he was using his income to pay extras for him and you kept child credits etc for self. But the way it sounds is if he went out with him shopping he wouldn’t even buy him a mars bar.

He sounds horribly abusive - financially in this case but also emotionally because of the sulking.

Do not do as he asks. Do not increase your contribution by one penny. I'm alarmed by the idea that some of your cm from your ex would be going into joint funds - surely if anything that is purely for d's.

He earns more than you. If he is a proper partner he should be paying in more not less. Partners should have equal amounts of " spends" left for themselves once bills etc and child expenses are paid for. Do i understand that you are also paying all childcare costs from your own spends, leaving you basically with nothing?

This is a deeply controlling man who can't bear the idea of you having sole control of the budget for your son, I.e. the ct money and able to make autonomous decisions about how to spend it. He wants to be in control of all the money and you have to ask him whenever you want to pay for anything, or at least he will moan about what you spend on ds once it's in the joint pot.

Leave him OP. He's proved he can't change or he wouldn't be doing this now after all the counselling etc. If you give in on this that's his permission to carry on forever.

He needs to explain why you need to contribute more given you earn less. What is he intending to do with this extra money? What happens if his pay goes up and you have to pay back tax credits? It’s much simpler to leave things as they are. You are paying more than your fair share.

He needs to explain why you need to contribute more given you earn less
Absolutely this ^^
Please don't just put in more money without knowing why you are doing it.
As the analogy goes.....
So if I made you a cup of tea with only 10% shit in it - would you drink it???
10% abuse is more than too much.
The only acceptable amount of abuse in ANY relationship is NONE!!!!

I think your partner is being unfair. Do not let him control how you decided to spend all of your money. Furthermore, you are already contributing to the joint account and that's reasonable enough to cover your share of the cost.

Do not pay your working tax credit nor child maintenance into the joint account. So what if he's upset, he'll eventually get over it.