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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

BF constantly touching me - what does it mean?

66 replies

Goldilocks3Bears · 31/01/2018 14:01

My BF is constantly touching me and I don't know what it's about

We are in a live-apart relationship and speak frequently but we are not the lovey-dovey kind, at least not verbally. I would not describe him as needy in any way.

When we are together, we have often missed eachother so there is naturally a lot of cuddles and kisses but on top of this, he just effing touches me the whole time, always stroking something, twiddling with my hair and if we are having a conversation, he'll quite often either tickle me or play-pinch (just over the knee, bloody annoying). So not sexy time groping, boob cupping etc. just constant touch.

I guess it's better than him touching himself but WHY?! Is this because he can't say what's on his mind? Is he simple?

OP posts:

ElspethFlashman · 31/01/2018 14:17

That would rather annoy me. You're a grown woman, not his teddy bear.

Bendyandtheinkmachine · 31/01/2018 14:22

Have you told him it annoys you?

Dazedandconfuzzled · 31/01/2018 14:24

Some people are more tactile than others. If you don't like it tell him.

EchoHead · 31/01/2018 14:27

I think I would really like it. If you don't, just tell him.

MissMary0fSweden · 31/01/2018 14:28

I'm tensing up just reading this

Begrateful · 31/01/2018 14:35

Awww, I actually find it quiet cute but as it annoys you so much why don’t you tell him?

hellsbellsmelons · 31/01/2018 14:41

Some people are just very tactile.
I am NOT. I make it very clear when I meet someone that I'm not tactile so they know in advance.
You need to tell him to stop it when it's something you don't want.
If he tickles your knee, push is hand away and tell him it's bloody annoying.
Please women of the world.
Stop putting up with stuff you don't want because you think you should because 'he's a man and I need to please him'

Shoxfordian · 31/01/2018 14:48

If it bothers you then tell him to stop doing it

fos6mo3 · 31/01/2018 17:33

It may be sensory issues is he like this with other items. X it may be to sooth him kind of speak x

TheSockGoblin · 31/01/2018 17:36

If you've not spoken to him about not liking it then he might just be super tactile. Some people are.

BitOutOfPractice · 31/01/2018 17:37

I'd guess he's just trying to show you attention and love. It sounds like it could be irritating though. I sometimes moan that dp kisses me too much. Especially in the morning when I'm grumpy

averylongtimeago · 31/01/2018 17:51

Tell him. If he's a keeper he will back off, if he doesn't then bin him.

It would drive me nuts, I'm a woman not a puppy ffs.

Mary1935 · 31/01/2018 18:02

I would be mindful about this - my ex used to be always touching me - cuddling me when I was washing up - arm around me all the time. The test will be if you tell him you don't like it and see how he reacts. Mine just carried on doing it - so he didn't respect my wishes. He was abusive to me in other ways too.
See how he responds if you tell him you don't like it. That will be the test.

loveinanelevator · 31/01/2018 18:09

I'm not a tactile person so this winds me up however with my dh it's a sign that he's feeling anxious, he wasn't aware really of the change in behaviour. He is now and I feel happy to tell him when it's a bit much.
I'm not saying this is the case for your bf but may be something to consider.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 31/01/2018 18:13

I'm tensing up just reading this

My thoughts exactly!

crazyhead · 31/01/2018 18:20

It’s fine to be tactile if it works for both of you in the relationship - but what is it you actually feel about it? It’s less fine if he just isn’t ‘reading’ you and is invading your privacy. I had an ex who did this and I found it hard and later saw it is as part of his rather intense, quite intrusive personality. But it took me a while to see it that way, at the start I found it confusing

Anatidae · 31/01/2018 18:22

My skin is crawling just reading this.

It means he’s asserting his ownership of you. A bit like a dog rubbing it’s arse on the sofa.

FluffyFerrets · 31/01/2018 18:41

Both me and Dp touch each other a fair bit while just sitting - stroking legs or holding hands, that kind of thing.
We both know the other likes it or wouldn't do it.
If it's irritating you then you need to tell him.

LesisMiserable · 01/02/2018 10:04

I'm very tactile, I'm either stroking dd, dh, ddog, dcat, drabbit or even myself at times! I also have a tactile job. I'm not anxious, it's just me. Tell him if you don't like it.

Pagwatch · 01/02/2018 10:09

The tickling and play pinching would massively fuck me off.

Adults who constantly tickle other adults are weird - especially if they are not getting massive positive feedback.

I'm sure I'm biased but I'd be fucking annoyed by someone tickling me unless I was endlessly encouraging it and reciprocating.

babyccinoo · 01/02/2018 10:19

You don't say whether it annoys you, OP?

If you don't like it, tell him to stop.

If you like it, let him crack on.

Original poster

Goldilocks3Bears · 01/02/2018 10:22

Your replies are cracking me up

He is an active person, always on the go, so I'm wondering if it is a fidgetting thing. I am pretty tactile myself but it just seems more under control....

Spoke to one of my IRL friends and she thinks it's just me as my ex was the exact opposite and never really wanted to hold hands, cuddle or similar. She may be right. I'm just not used to this.

OP posts:

pinkyredrose · 01/02/2018 10:54

Why the ?

Original poster

Goldilocks3Bears · 01/02/2018 11:31

@pinkedrose because some of them are funny and/or cleverly phrased.

OP posts:

Original poster

Goldilocks3Bears · 01/02/2018 11:36

@babyccinoo yes and no. It’s obviously nice as we like each other but I guess it’s the constancy that’s a bit of a mystery as I’m just not used to that level of tactile communication.

I can’t remember who said what in above comments but going to try to see if it correlates to him maybe feeling that he needs to assert his place/insecure etc.

OP posts:

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