BF constantly touching me - what does it mean?

[Goldilocks3Bears]

My BF is constantly touching me and I don't know what it's about

We are in a live-apart relationship and speak frequently but we are not the lovey-dovey kind, at least not verbally. I would not describe him as needy in any way.

When we are together, we have often missed eachother so there is naturally a lot of cuddles and kisses but on top of this, he just effing touches me the whole time, always stroking something, twiddling with my hair and if we are having a conversation, he'll quite often either tickle me or play-pinch (just over the knee, bloody annoying). So not sexy time groping, boob cupping etc. just constant touch.

I guess it's better than him touching himself but WHY?! Is this because he can't say what's on his mind? Is he simple?

GB

Fucking hell this thread reminds me why I left MN 10 years ago. Judgemental, reactive, projective, pigeon-holing deluge of crap. Give the abuse button a fucking rest will ya!!

@andthebandplayedon I’m hardly dismissive when I recognised how some people may have experiences that colours the page for them somewhat but whatever, glad you had a moment to weigh in.

Maybe the man my friend is seeing that keeps texting her is using low key controlling behaviour and is more than likely a bonafide stalker....

OP, try to read some of the Red Flags threads. (or see checklist below)

Abuse in relationships often starts with small things, like pinching and not stopping.

It may seem small to you at the moment, but it has all the hallmarks to escalate.

Have a proper conversation with him about it and see if he stops the annoying behaviour. Keep your eyes open for other behaviour that can be a yellow or red flag.

Don't kid yourself that abuse starts suddenly or that it won't happen to you because you're self assured and give as much as you take.

www.ywca.org/atf/cf/%7BC783A7F4-5C12-4A12-ACCF-0C665D3DA10C%7D/Red%20Flags%20for%20Abusive%20Relationships%201.pdf

Crikey if I had to use a police restraint tactic to get a point across to my dp I wouldn't be quite so flippant about my relationship op. Think.

Thank you @lweji - I appreciate your concern. As you took the time to send the link (as with the lady who pmed me) I have read it and there are no other flags, of any colour. This man is otherwise mild mannered, gentle and caring. Other than his fidgetting and the knee squeeze thing which has been dealt with, I have zero concerns about him.

Again, I appreciate the concern xx

This whole thread is goady TBH...

I’m not sure what you expected to happen when you posted about being uncomfortable with your BF’s behaviour.

Usually if everything else is fine with the relationship people just say ‘I’m uncomfortable with that’ and don’t need to ask the internet.

Asking the Internet implies you aren’t able to/comfortable with communicating with your BF. I don’t find it surprising at all that people were then led to believe there was more to it TBF.

The sarcasm, weird overuse of grinning faces etc just convince me you posted to be goady in the first place.

I am a very tactile person and it took me a long time to learn how to dial it down to a level that dh can deal with! The process was actually quite painful... I felt horribly rejected and their were some arguments! But we eventually reached a place that we are both comfortable with, I think! Interestingly, we are both very tactile with ds, and as a result dh has relaxed quite a bit!

This man is otherwise mild mannered, gentle and caring.

That was my impression of exH when we first started. It didn't end well.

Just make sure you don't ignore each thing separately, take it all together.

BTW, being tactile is not the same as hurting (as is pinching).

He might be insecure if he does this when you are in public.

I think although the OP said pinch, she just meant the old knee-tweak. You know - that annoying part just above your knee that if you squeeze (fairly gently even) it makes your foot go up. My dad used to do it to me whenever I was sitting within reach and he was getting up off the sofa. (He'd sort of use my knee as leverage to get up, and give it a squeeze just to get me to squeal ). It's hardly abuse. Though clearly if he won't stop when she asks that's different.

I don't see why this board always has to be about abusive relationships. I get that there needs to be a place like that, but where can the vast majority of us have a 'light hearted' chat about stuff - not because we need any advice, but just coz it's fun? Serious question. I don't want to offend others or glibly assume no one else is suffering but could we have a separate light-hearted relationships section or something?

Hear hear to that.

At no point has the OP said she asked him to stop explicitly. She says that there are no red flags, he is not hurting her. I think I get what you mean by the knee pinching thing, sort of squeezing just above your knee, it doesn't hurt but can be annoying. I think sometimes it's easy to become annoyed by something, not say anything and then physically respond instead.
OP if you are happy that it it just his temperament and that it isn't hurting and if you ask him to stop and he does then I don't see the problem.

like hurting me on purpose

Notice "on purpose", which means he's hurting the OP.

Buy him a fidget spinner.

I absolutely hate the knee thing or any kind of bum patting or the like. It instinctively makes me want to lash out.

Dp occasionally forgets and gives my knee a gentle squeeze - he got rewarded with a clout at the cinema last week.

We're otherwise fairly functional. I can totally understand why this bothers you and I think you just have to spell it out to him. If he then carries in, you've got a bigger issue.