Hello everyone!
I am going to write this in a bid to stick to my decisions and to have some kind of accountability. And of course support from you.
Here is an introduction to my husband.
He slept with a prostitute at least once and it was unprotected. He also slept with a woman that he met on a work trip, set up a fake email account and exchanged at least three emails filled with praise and love. I caught him both times but took him back. He claims that he will never cheat again. Once he promised that he wouldn't contact her again, he went on to call her to clear the air and wish her best for life.
He is emotionally unavailable and maybe abusive. No matter what upsets me he would not hold me or kiss me or reassure me. He would just listen and often not respond verbally. He would most often just be quite, change subject, ask what can he do (but not in a loving way, more in an irritating way) etc.
I have been very clear about my emotional needs but he says he can't change. This is how he is and I should accept it. I feel unloved, i need cared for and need intimacy.
He would kiss and hold me when he wants sex. But even then, foreplay mainly involved my boobs and genitals and then same old sex. There's no romance, nothing new or kind words.
I gained about 20kg since giving birth, have severe depression, my insides are broken (without going into too much detail), I have lost all my sexual desires. I have also lost my career, and my social network. And feel like shit.
His family is vile to me.more about this later. And he has been neutral about it all as he doesn't want to get involved and he says I am more than welcome to fight my own battles with him.
I can't and didn't leave as we belong to a vile backward hell of culture which is misogynistic to the core and if I leave him, I would be ostracised and so will my kids.
I am planning to save money, sort out my credit rating, my mental health and then leave in two years. In the state i am in, I can not leave. I would probably have a break down.
This was my first month and I have saved my money and I have started the process of sorting my heath.