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Original poster

Porn advice

85 replies

loubellex · 30/01/2018 02:01

Hi ladies I need your help and advice !
So I had my beautiful second baby a few months ago.
A few weeks ago I was on my other half laptop and a porn pop up came up. I'm not one to snoop it's so out of character but I did.
His history was full porn which i DO NOT have an issue with , I went back months and months I just couldn't stop looking okay fair enough he wasnt getting much off me due to being pregnant !
But my issue was all the porn he was looking at was 'chubby black girls' or 'ebony beauty'
I'm skinny and white ! He's always been with white girls.
I just can't seem to shake it I've spoke to him about it and he can't give me an answer to why he says he don't know
It's really bothering me I now feel like I don't know him at all.
I don't know what I want to hear but please help me get over this !
Thanks x

OP posts:
midnightmisssuki · 30/01/2018 21:34

if you dont have an issue with him watching porn - then is your issue that he is looking at porn with women of a different colour to you? And you are insecure about this because you think he might fancy them?

Fitbitironic · 30/01/2018 22:26

And we're constantly being told penis size doesn't matter, so shouldn't make a lot of difference!
In theory, though I'd be interested to know if men would be put out if their partner exclusively watched big dick porn. Grin

I'm sure lots of porn stars are chosen for their ample 'attributes', but I have come across many more searches for big boobs rather than small boobs (not my searches)...

Chamomiletea8 · 30/01/2018 23:05

To strip the bs op, people that watch porn are literally just wanking to pixels on a screen, to nothing really 😂 sorry, just knowing that fact makes me laugh. What a waste of life!

TheBrilliantMistake · 31/01/2018 00:35

I think we're probably all a little prone to some sort of inferiority complex in some form or other. Too tall, too short, too young, too old... and too paranoid, which I would tell you more about, but they are watching me!

TheBrilliantMistake · 31/01/2018 00:37

All of sex is a bit strange when you analyse the actual workings!
To be fair though, it's only strange if you're doing it right!

Reddlion · 31/01/2018 00:47

he has s fetish that fetish doesn't mean he is cheating but I totally get why you are upset I had this issue with an ex who had a fetish for blonds but all his gf looked like me

Beansonapost · 31/01/2018 22:37

My huh was because your post was not clear.

Essentially you have issues with him watching porn with black women.

You have no issues with him watching porn, if it was with white women?

Do you have any issues with him watching porn... of any kind? Because you have not made that clear.

Why are you more insecure that is porn with black women than with a white woman. I cannot point to where your outrage is.

Cricrichan · 31/01/2018 23:18

Beansonapost - what's not to understand? He's been watching almost exclusively big black women porn so if she's slim and white she's worried that she's not his type.

Florallee · 31/01/2018 23:58

Some people have fantasies about other races...but would never be in a relationship with those people.

100%

TheBrilliantMistake · 01/02/2018 00:17

Might also just be this month's fantasy... next month it might be something else.

Beansonapost · 01/02/2018 02:06

@Cricrichan I do understand

What I don't understand is her taking issues with him finding another race attractive....

If they were big white women it seems she would be fine with it... hence my questions.

As people have said... fantasies etc.

I doubt after two children presumably with him he does not find her attractive... I hate to say it but it's her insecurities and they seem to surround the race issues and not so much the fact he was watching porn 😐.

So what is it about "black porn" ?

Original poster
loubellex · 01/02/2018 05:13

@Beansonapost

No I don't like the fact he watches porn he knows that hence the secrecy about it.
But yeah my issue is with him watching porn with black women because it's all he was watching
If he was watching all different races I wouldn't have thought much about it.
But he was searching and watching only black women.
He's never been with any women who's black or found black women attractive because it's not his type
So I can't see how people don't understand why I'm confused.

I asked for advise not bitchy comments didn't realise how many grown women/men acted like 14 year old teenagers
if you can't got anything nice or helpful to say don't comment your lives must be pretty boring

Thank you to all with your advice I feel much better about the situation x

OP posts:
Fitbitironic · 01/02/2018 06:39

What I don't understand is her taking issues with him finding another race attractive....
Sounds like you're deliberately trying to start a racist argument beans, as this wasn't what was intimated in the explanation prior to your post at all Hmm

Cubicfoot · 01/02/2018 07:01

I think he was watching it because it’s different. Not because he wants that.

Florallee · 01/02/2018 07:41

His history was full porn which i DO NOT have an issue with

And then:

No I don't like the fact he watches porn he knows that hence the secrecy about it

Op, as a previous poster pointed out, you don't mind him watching porn, so long as it is not exclusively black women.

Without wanting to sound "14" or "bitchy", why is that? Because he told you he didn't find them attractive?

I wouldn't worry. Most people who watch porn are not watching the kind of man/woman that they would want to take home to meet their parents, less have children with (which, presumably, he's done both with you) 😊

Some people get off on the 'forbidden' but that's a whole other thread!

SandyY2K · 01/02/2018 07:43

He's never been with any women who's black or found black women attractive because it's not his type

Maybe he's just never shared his attraction for black women with you...but on some level he does find them attractive.

He may not want to admit it. Amazingly even in this day and age...some people find interracial relationships taboo.

He may be afraid of judgement if he expressed this.

I've been with a white guy (I'm black) who said his family would be surprised/not approve of him being with a black girl....but he had a thing..a desire for black girls.

It wouldn't go down so well in Essex according to him.

Original poster
loubellex · 01/02/2018 08:02

@SandyY2K

Him or or family are not like that though at all so its not that x
he would have no issue in saying he finds a women attractive regardless off their race
He has told me he doesn't find black women attractive in the past just like he doesn't find women with short hair attractive

This is why I don't understand but maybe it is just a fantasy thing x

OP posts:
Original poster
loubellex · 01/02/2018 08:04

Also I would never judge him on fancying anybody what ever size , race , hair colour anything

OP posts:
Original poster
loubellex · 01/02/2018 08:13

@Florallee

I don't like the fact he watches it no.
It makes me feel insecure especially now after having our second baby

But now it's even worse because he knows I don't like it and he said he will stop
But I made such a fuss about it when I found all the history , now I'm thinking he's doing it secretly
It's really messed with my head
I'm not a paranoid person never have been , but since this I am I'm over thinking everything
It's making me go mad!

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 01/02/2018 18:09

He has told me he doesn't find black women attractive in the past

So it's just a fantasy then. Is it black on black porn or black women and white men?

Perhaps it's a mystery to him...in an intriguing sort of way.

I've been asked questions about my body parts by white guys...as if they're any different to white women... but I do think sometimes black women are a mystery to white men. There are some stereotypes about black women being sexually aggressive which adds to the excitement.

I was just wondering how the convo arose where he said he didn't find black women attractive....I've just never mentioned if I found white men attractive to my DH or vice versa.

Florallee · 01/02/2018 18:36

I've been asked questions about my body parts by white guys...as if they're any different to white women...

Me, too. It gets tiresome..

ArcheryAnnie · 01/02/2018 18:46

But now it's even worse because he knows I don't like it and he said he will stop

...and he hasn't stopped, loubellex. I honestly think this is the main problem, not the type of the porn that he's watching.

You've just had a baby, created a whole new human being out of your own body, gone through all the physical and emotional stress and joy of that - and you've asked him to do one thing, which is not look at other women having sex. He promised you that, and he's let you down. He needs to keep his word. He needs to respect your wishes.

Beansonapost · 01/02/2018 21:31

I'm a woman, I have two children one just 10months and haven't had sex with my husband in over a year... but not because of my insecurities but because I'm tired and at this point it's just another chore. He understands... and has his time... admittedly he doesn't use porn, but if he did I would have no problem with it... but that's me.

I am also black. And I asked because a lot of men have fantasies about black women from stereotypes that have been put out there. He could be attracted to that. My DH (white) told me his father a consultant surgeon married to his white mother had a pornography magazine stash of black women which he stumbled upon as a teenager ... his father has never dated a black woman and has never admitted to being attracted to any.

You are judging him though because you have "assumed" he doesn't find black women attractive. And you have taken issue with it... but as you say you would have taken issue whether it was brown, black or white.

This could just be a phase ... curiosity etc.

I'm inclined to agree with a poster who said maybe he is not being honest about his attraction towards black women... it doesn't make him any less attracted to you.

Maybe you should ask him to be honest and explain how it has made you feel.

@Fitbitironic Have a seat, thanks. I asked a legitimate question.

SandyY2K · 01/02/2018 21:53

Another thing is that he may not have been attracted to black women in the past, but his view might have changed.

Perhaps he's had more exposure and sees that black women can be attractive....or it could be good old fashioned curiosity.

Back in my younger days...I had several black male friends...who said white girls wanted to sleep with them...more out of curiosity and to see if the stereotypes of size and sexual performance were true. The girls weren't about to settle down with them. They just enjoyed the 'forbidden fruit'

TheBrilliantMistake · 01/02/2018 22:22

Lots of people fantasise about things they really would NOT like in real life. There's a very emotive subject that some women have been known to fantasise about, would never want to happen in real life. The mind works in mysterious ways.

Honestly, something can be as simple as seeing something in a regular movie that sparks the imagination, or reading something, and it piques your interest. It might be stimulating for a period of time, and then wear off. It really doesn't have to mean he's always been attracted to it, or that he would be in attracted to it in real life.

And it absolutely is not a comparison thing. When we dream it can surreal stuff, and when we fantasise, it's the same. Surreal. If he needs images to help spur his imagination, it doesn't mean he fancies the women in the images, he probably just likes the 'suggestion' they place in his mind.

Looking at a well dressed businessman, doesn't mean you fantasise about THAT businessman, but he might fuel a fantasy you have on that subject right?

Hope I make some sense!

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