Porn advice

[loubellex]

Hi ladies I need your help and advice !
So I had my beautiful second baby a few months ago.
A few weeks ago I was on my other half laptop and a porn pop up came up. I'm not one to snoop it's so out of character but I did.
His history was full porn which i DO NOT have an issue with , I went back months and months I just couldn't stop looking okay fair enough he wasnt getting much off me due to being pregnant !
But my issue was all the porn he was looking at was 'chubby black girls' or 'ebony beauty'
I'm skinny and white ! He's always been with white girls.
I just can't seem to shake it I've spoke to him about it and he can't give me an answer to why he says he don't know
It's really bothering me I now feel like I don't know him at all.
I don't know what I want to hear but please help me get over this !
Thanks x

areany, if you base your understanding of life on books like that it’s no wonder your views are so, erm, unscientific. Mass appeal is no indication something is good or true.

He fetishises women of colour. Probably doesn't want a relationship with them, just likes wanking over them.

Did he explain to you about men's "needs" being so much more important/necessary than women's, or is this just sexist bullshit you were raised with? Women have their own needs, how would he feel if you were wanking over foot long cocks on the internet everyday? Maybe you should start leaving searches for such things open on the laptop, just to teach him a little empathy.

I think people are being unreasonably horrible to you op and it’s just a clashing of egos. Ignore it.

I see what you’re saying. You’re basically worried your OH has a type and it isn’t you. It’s not a huge suprise with what you’ve found th8s maybe a question entering your head.

The only answer to this is for him to talk to you and explain. You also need to think where your boundaries really are and then lay all of your cards on the table. Both of you.

Do your fantasies only ever involve him or someone who looks exactly like him?

Many (most?) people fantasise about people or situations other than their current partner but most fantasies remain just that. It doesn't necessarily mean he'd prefer to be with someone else or is unsatisfied with his sex life at home.

If you have a problem with porn, that's a different matter entirely of course.

I'm black. If my H watched porn with a white woman it would not bother me. I woudnt expect him to seek out black on black porn...but perhaps because the majority of porn is white on white...you feel this way knowing he specifically searched for black women.

On the flip side...I enjoy reading WM/BW erotica on my kindle. That doesnt mean I'm no longer attracted to black men...like my DH.

It's likely a fantasy he wouldn't want to pursue...my experience as a black femsle has been some white men like the visual of the skin contrast. This takes me back to a sexual encounter with a white guy may moons ago actually.

Just be thankful that you didn't find out after 20 years of marriage that he was into thai shamales and preferred wearing my stockings to me being in them!! LOL! xx

It's fantasy.
I have some interesting porn fantasies also. I wouldn't enact them in real life.
I can see why you find it unusual but it does not mean you are any less attractive or sexy to him.
I'm a porn watcher and I'm a woman. I watch it alone infrequently and I've watched it with previous partners.

If you want to be okay with it then be okay with it.

Not every porn star is exploited. There are some pretty decent companies and some women have been open about enjoying it. Many haven't. But the sweeping generalisation that all women are exploited is stupid.

I think your asking the wrong the question. Asking him why he's watching fuller black women is like asking him why he likes the colour green?

I think if it bothers you talk to him.

I had this same issue with my DP a few years ago but the other way round I'm black and he's mixed race but he was looking at interracial porn with white women as when we've ever watched porn it was only ebony/black porn and he's only had black girlfriends so I had it in my head he wasn't attracted to me anymore but when we spoke about it for him it was just something new to watch as watching the same porn can get boring, for him it was almost like switching over to another channel but he had no desire to go actually do it and was satisfied with our relationship and sex life.

I think that's why watching porn regaularly is bad as you'll find yourself having to watch new things just to get the same feeling as the last time so it can evolve into an addiction if not careful, to me it just sounds like he needs to quit watching porn for a while.

Why do women put up with this shit.
It’s not ok, it’s disrespectful

Cat because some women don't find it disrespectful.

Conditioning Cat, I really do wonder how many men would be fine with their partner watching big dick fetish films, or gay men, or sexualised violence against men on the internet, 5 times a week. But it's different I guess because men have Needs.

Your brain is trying to tell you that you feel sad and betrayed and want your husband to stop watching other women having sex. A male-dominated society is trying to tell you you’re wrong for expecting men not to be arseholes.

^^so wise!

Regular porn users constantly seek novelty. As with drug use, where more of the drug is needed to achieve the same high, novelty and variety is needed for them to have the same response. This obviously is not good for a monogamous relationship. There's a lot of info on the "your brain on porn" site.

It's perfectly acceptable to dislike porn and have an issue with it being used within your marriage. You've just had a baby, he can cope with a lack of sex for a while - don't be having sex to "keep him happy" if you don't want it. Men and women both want sex, that's not the same as needing it, and men are perfectly capable of wanking without porn.

I really do wonder how many men would be fine with their partner watching big dick fetish films

Many men love and encourage it actually ....they want their wives and GFs to experience men who are bigger than them...and not just watching it.

They want their partners to have sex with black men regularly..that's their thing.

It's the world of the cuckold.

Women enjoy watching porn too.

It's a masturbation tool for him. Some people read erotica, some use toys, some like to dress.
If a woman uses a toy, it doesn't mean she is dissatisfied with her partners pens. If someone reads erotica it doesn't mean fantasy about a millionaire means he can never fulfill your sexual desires because he is poor.
If his pornography becomes secretive or at the exclusion of you, then yes, it's an issue. If it's discussed openly it's fine. That doesn't mean he needs permission every time any more than a woman needs permission about her private time.

Masturbation is a highly intimate act, and you have gained a deeply personal glimpse of his liking (which can change over time). Is it asking too much to understand the personal sensitivities involved, rather than assuming he is some creature worthy of nothing but disdain?

I watch porn that is nothing like what I want to do in real life, so does DH. Some we watch together, other we watch on our own.
For us it is perfectly normal and healthy. We each have a definite "type" that we prefer.

But I don't get a complex about what DH watches - much as he doesn't get upset by what I watch especially as he knows he can't "measure up"

I'm not sure 'all men are arseholes' is a particularly prominent view amongst scientists. I think you have confused 'are' with 'have'.

Ive watches lesbian porn. I’ve watched gay porn (men) too and gotten off on it. I’m a straight female. It’s just a bit of fantasy, he may just have a thing for chubby black girls at the moment. He loves you, he’s with you. Take it for what it is, wanking fodder

SandyY2K in the grand scheme of things, I don't think you can say many! I mean it's a bit of a fetish, and notice again how these men are "cool" with it because it's THEIR fantasy. I'm thinking more along the lines of your average guy.

I'm not disputing that women like porn too, I watch some types, it's more how many men would be cool with it if it was as prevelant with women and catered more to their tastes.

People are weird. We're a weird species and there's no accounting for taste.
Of course you're his type.
What I fantasise about is SO not what I would want in real life. Your DH is the same. I promise you, you shouldn't give it a second thought. But I bet he's soooo embarrassed!

If fantasies about peanut butter and jam sandwiches were sex, I'd be a pervert.

Many men love and encourage it actually ....they want their wives and GFs to experience men who are bigger than them...and not just watching it.

From what I've read and experienced, this isn't as common as the number of men who regularly watch porn containing women in better shape/ better endowed than their partner. I very much doubt all these average porn watching men are encouraging their dw/gf to enjoy bigger dicks than theirs. Yet they should be. If they're fine with porn...

Bit misleading that, as lots of porn will have professional porn stars in, partly chosen because of their physique. So it's not necessarily that men would choose them in preference, simply the sort of actress doing them.
And we're constantly being told penis size doesn't matter, so shouldn't make a lot of difference! It's the porn world, most of it's completely crass and unimaginative (imo). I prefer a naughty story myself!

And sometimes - the porn isn't about the people on screen, it might be about the situation / scenario being depicted.
When a lot of people were raving about 50 Shades (I've no clue why), it's wasn't about the actor or actress, it was about the eroticism of the situations.