I'm worried about my husband (Personal - sex related)

[worriedsadwife]

My husband and I have been together for 17 years we are both 34.

I am so worried about things and I have no one at all to talk to. The last year or so sex between us has been very difficult because he gets so tired so quickly - he gets very hot and then isn't able to continue - even if I am doing most of the work ( god I'm so rubbish at talking about this kind of thing!)

Firstly I am worried about why and secondly I'm kind of frustrated !

I was just looking for any opinions on what to do if anything !

Hi OP

Has your husband seen his GP? Would have thought that was the first necessary step.

Does your DH acknowledge there’s a problem?

Is he very overweight?

Orange - no I have repeatedly asked him /begged to see our gp but he has made it clear he thinks he doesn't need and won't.

He went a while ago (2 years ago) because of back problems but that's it.

He is maybe 10-15 pounds overweight but. It massively so

Does he do any other type of exercise, and if so, does he get tired doing that or is it only when you have sex?

Emma - he doesn't do any specific excersize but he gets very tired very easily for example I went out yesterday and he cleaned the outside of he kitchen cupboard doors - he doesn't normally do much housework at all so it was out of the ordinary for him.
The cupboard doors were not hugely dirty but when I got home he was exhausted and actually still is today.

I should add he is generally healthy- he is able to go to work , potter about etc

Personally I’d say it was time to lay it on the line. Tell him matter if factly that whatever he thinks, you are worried and even if he doesn’t think it’s needed he’d go to the GP because you’ve asked him to. Explain that in addition to being worried it’s impacting on your quality of life together.

This is tricky OP because, as I see it, if he doesn’t want to go to the GP then I’m not sure it’s going to get better on it’s own.

I see that it’s massively affecting your sex life, but it’s also affecting his day to day life. Other than being more active, a good diet and sleep, I don’t know what to suggest. I’m sure someone more helpful will have a good suggestion. But an unmumsnetty hug to you.

It has affected his life - today he got up at about 11 spent some time finishing some work on the computer then about 3 went to have a nap and he's still asleep

It does sound worrying, and given what you say about cleaning the cupboards out being very tiring for him I'd be worried about a health condition e.g. CFS (just using that as an example, it could be loads of things) rather than something specifically sexual. All you can really do though is keep badgering him to see the doctor.

How does he feel about his tiredness and your lack of sex? I can't understand why he wouldn't want to go to the GP

That lack of stamina does not sound right for someone his age (both the sex and non sex examples you give). OP you need to insist he sees the GP.

This happened with one of my ex bfs - turned out to be asthmatic

What’s his family health history like? Sounds dangerous whatever it is and he really does need to see a gp. Presumably he’s scared there’s something wrong? I don’t like lies really but could you maybe ask him to come to the dr with you but then in the surgery explain it’s actually about him? Probably he’ll be angry, but I doubt he’d walk out without listening to the advice.

This doesn't sound normal for a man his age - if he were 64, maybe more understandable. Please get him to the doctor.

Whispering - he just says he's unfit and needs to excersize more then talks about going to the gym even though we both know be won't.

About sex he just acts like everything is normal and if I say it isn't he gets annoyed

What sort of work does he do OP? Physical work or desk work? Is there a reason why he might be exhausted?

Just wondering if he snores? Because that dramatically disrupts sleep-my DH eventually diagnosed with sleep apnea. Although more common in heavier ppl.

But it doesn't sound right I must agree-

And maybe a fitbit would be a useful sleep tracker as he may not be getting "good" sleep???

How about suggesting he goes because he gets tired do easily, using the non sex example.
IF he is embarrassed by discussing the sex with a doctor you could just discuss him getting tired cleaning etc as the tiredness seems to be an issue even without looking into the sex. He could be anaemic for example.

I second those who suggest GP, however reluctant he is. Could he have an underactive thyroid? I am hardly an expert on this, but I was talking to a GF the other day who had similar symptoms, and it turned out to be this. It was sorted out with medication, and she's ok now. Hope you get it sorted.

Monument he is on a computer all day - he starts work at about 8am comes home at about 6pm and in the evening he is on the computer at home.

I will try and get him to go to the gp but he has made it clear many times it's not my choice to make so I don't k wi where that leaves me

GP.

GP.

GP.

It could be he is just unfit, or he could have a heart problem, or a myriad of other things that could shorten his life if left unchecked!

He definately needs to see his GP, it could be numerous reasons, so best to get checked out. I would suggest he goes based upon his tiredness day to day. Tell him you are worried about him and he has a responsibility to look after himself. Could he be depressed OP?

I think in your place I would probably say something along the lines of "please just go for me - I am going out of my mind with worry" (which would def work on my DH, especially if I sat him down properly). But I don't know your DH so don't know if this would work