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Original poster

If your short term live in partner was cheating on you would you want to know ?

82 replies

RainyDayPerson · 27/01/2018 12:23

It is as simple as that - would you want to know especially if he has slagged you off in messages and has stated verbally that he is thinking of leaving you at some point ? And yes it would be coming from a FWB situation which has gone tits up .

OP posts:
DriggleDraggle · 27/01/2018 17:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thebluedog · 27/01/2018 17:03

Yes

blaaake · 27/01/2018 17:19

Fucking hell Desmondo how rude are you? Not to mention misogynistic. Of course the man can do no wrong. OP wasn't in a relationship with his partner, she had no loyalties.

To answer your question OP, yes I would want to know if I was her, for sure. Definitely wouldn't want to be left with a cheating cunt in my house, but sure I'm the odd one. Confused

Fairenuff · 27/01/2018 17:27

Yes, tell her. Tell her all about it. And get an STI check.

Original poster
RainyDayPerson · 27/01/2018 17:40

There was a great deal of sexting between us and TBH any partner would be distraught to see the things that he has written to me and yes I reciprocated . I can't say too much specifically on here for fear of someone recognising but there have been certain special moments/ occasions in their life where he has sent me the most outrageous messages . They cover all the holidays as well - Christmas, New Year etc when we were not able to see each other as much . I actually feel very sorry for her ( but yes it didn't stop me at the time) . I know I should just walk away from this .

OP posts:
Angelf1sh · 27/01/2018 17:57

This is very similar to another post a couple of weeks ago, although at least there she had the decency to acknowledge she was the OW and not try to minimise it by saying FWB. I’ll say the same thing here as I said there:

  1. id want to know
  2. I wouldn’t thank you for telling me
  3. your motives are not honest. Presumably you’re trying to split them up either to force him into being with you or to punish him for dumping you.
  4. you need to do better next time, for yourself and for other women. Try working on your self-esteem and don’t date attached men.
raisedbyguineapigs · 27/01/2018 18:19

Yes people have sex without being on love. That's not the problem. I did myself in my younger days. But to do it knowing you are hurting someone else? Why would you not even have a moment's consideration for another person without even the excuse that you were overcome with passion and thought they were 'the one'?

Original poster
RainyDayPerson · 27/01/2018 18:22

Angel Regarding the terms .. I suppose I feel that OW implies that there is/was more feeling and intent to all of it and you are wanting the man ? This really was just about sex and friendship in a weird way and not in forging a lasting relationship other than that . I know that many people will find that difficult to understand but it is not uncommon . Yes I could use OW I suppose . I repeat again that I do not want him - he is unsuitable on so many levels . Yes I suppose I do want to punish him if I am honest as he broke the terms of our agreement and did cause me pain . I have learnt that a purely sex arrangement does not work. I understand 100% that this is a painful and controversial topic as I have been on the receiving end of an OW within my marriage ( now ended ) .

OP posts:
WitchesHatRim · 27/01/2018 18:23

ologies , I have not explained properly - he lives with a partner ( was about 18 months in when he started with FWB partner - yes it is me , shoot me now ! ) and he has told me about this*

Well you didn't think much about her feelings whilst you were fucking her partner did you?

You now suddenly want to because it's gone 'tits up'

Original poster
RainyDayPerson · 27/01/2018 18:24

raisedby That consideration was his to make . I know that not everyone thinks like this .

OP posts:
WitchesHatRim · 27/01/2018 18:24

Apologies , I have not explained properly - he lives with a partner ( was about 18 months in when he started with FWB partner - yes it is me , shoot me now ! ) and he has told me about this

Well you didn't think much about her feelings whilst you were fucking her partner did you?

You now suddenly want to because it's gone 'tits up'

AnyFucker · 27/01/2018 18:24

Got your fingers burned, did you ?

Shame.

MadMags · 27/01/2018 18:27

You were fucking a man in a relationship, you fell for him, he wasn’t interested in anything more than your vagina, and now you’re feeling vindictive and want to tell his partner.

Not sure why you’re trying to dress it up as something else.

Biglettuce · 27/01/2018 18:28

Yes. Would want to know.

Biglettuce · 27/01/2018 18:32

Er... I’d also have wanted to know straight away if I were his girlfriend. Gosh OP you and this man have demeaned yourselves and his girlfriend too, by lying and cheating in the first place. Her pain will be great she might be pinning love and future dreams in this man.

So sad.

Angelf1sh · 27/01/2018 18:35

The thing is Rainy, you did have feelings and it wasn’t just about sex. That’s why you’re hurting now and why you want to punish him! Either way you have your answer, we’ve pretty much unanimously said we’d want to know.

Lalala2018 · 27/01/2018 18:36

This sounds messy as hell. I would know that I could do better. Say no to drama

Ellisandra · 27/01/2018 18:40

This reply has been deleted

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Helmetbymidnight · 27/01/2018 18:41

So you were happily shagging this guy- coz hey he hadn't lived with his gf for that long - and now you're pissed off you suddenly think, oh she should know he's horrible.

Really? I think looking at your own motives would be a good idea.

Original poster
RainyDayPerson · 27/01/2018 18:44

Thanks all .Yes I am going to walk away from this . Lesson learnt . There is no sex without strings . People say they would want to know but that if I fess up to her then I am a trouble maker. Thanks again as I know this is a touchy one .

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 27/01/2018 18:46

The old-fashioned term for you is 'mistress'. (They're not all wined and dined and taken on exotic holidays)

Helmetbymidnight · 27/01/2018 18:50

Mm, Im a bit puzzled by your calling your thing FWB and deciding that you've learnt that there is no sex without strings.

You're kidding yourself. This wasn't a FWB, and people can happily have sex without strings, but you were a bit on the side, the ow, the mistress.

Most women don't like women who deliberately fuck women over. You must know that.

Abouttoblow · 27/01/2018 18:52

Sorry OP it's not FWB, it's you sleeping with someone who has a partner.
You seem very concerned about his partner having the right to know he has been speaking badly of her. Did you have the same concern about her knowing her partner was cheating on her and could have potentially given her an STI?
And he "moved the goalposts and caused you pain".

Poor you Biscuit

PNGirl · 27/01/2018 19:00

I'd have wanted to know 6 months ago. Y'know, when you started having an affair with him and pretended you weren't.

anxiousnow · 27/01/2018 19:00

Pretty cowardly not to tell tbh. You are a trouble maker but that is because you slept with someone unavailable. Yes he is far worse than you obviously.
Yes tell her about the slagging off. Yes tell her you are the OW and then leave them both alone. There are enough available men to have as fwb or fb so next time choose a single one.

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