Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

If your short term live in partner was cheating on you would you want to know ?

82 replies

RainyDayPerson · 27/01/2018 12:23

It is as simple as that - would you want to know especially if he has slagged you off in messages and has stated verbally that he is thinking of leaving you at some point ? And yes it would be coming from a FWB situation which has gone tits up .

OP posts:
raisedbyguineapigs · 27/01/2018 15:05

Doubt it would result in him being delighted that you've released him from his horrendous partner who is clearly keeping him prisoner and him running into your arms. If he does, had soon be finding another 'fwb' is my guess.

Original poster
RainyDayPerson · 27/01/2018 15:05

He is not leaving for me . I don't want him as a partner . Yes, he is a nasty character . Yes , it went tits up because he changed the FWB arrangement and introduced emotion into it deliberately to pull me to him . He then backed out so yes I am p*ssed off with him .

OP posts:
RebeccaCloud9 · 27/01/2018 15:06

Why are you saying short term partner? I would have thought that was about 2 months not 2 years. Are you trying to minimise their relationship to make yourself feel better?

DrRanjsRightEyebrow · 27/01/2018 15:07

What is FWB please?

Lettucepray · 27/01/2018 15:08

RainyDayPerson

He's stung you, he's a complete and utter shitbag. Find someone nice who isn't involved or a wanker, plenty of them about.

Fruitcocktail6 · 27/01/2018 15:08

Not really FWB is it? It's cheating and you're the OW.

VioletBow · 27/01/2018 15:09

Why bother? Just cut all ties and don't cause unnecessary drama for yourself 🤷🏻‍♀️

Original poster
RainyDayPerson · 27/01/2018 15:10

Not trying to minimise anything - just trying to say it wasn't e.g. a 15 or 20 year marriage . In some eyes that makes no difference , i get it .

OP posts:
Purpledahlia88 · 27/01/2018 15:15

How noble of you to think of telling her. Sure you don't just like the drama?

Original poster
RainyDayPerson · 27/01/2018 15:17

I understand your point Purpledahlia88 No I do not like drama.

OP posts:
Desmondo2016 · 27/01/2018 15:18

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Purpledahlia88 · 27/01/2018 15:21

But you say it like it's okay as their relationship is only "short term". I wouldn't say 2 years is short term, two months yes.

Eolian · 27/01/2018 15:23

What, so now that you're well off out if it and your FWB relationship won't be at risk because it's ended, you want to meddle in their relationship? Why? It's absolutely none of your business.

raisedbyguineapigs · 27/01/2018 15:26

Reading between the lines it sounds like you met someone who was in a relationship, for reasons only known to yourself decided to shag him despite not being in love with him or even wanting to be with him. So boredom? Spite? Just to prove you could have him if you wanted? Then you developed feelings for him, he acted as if they were reciprocated then decided he'd rather stay with his gf. You are now pissed off and want to tell her.

Otterseatpuffinsdontthey · 27/01/2018 15:38

2 years isn't a short term relationship.
I would100% definitely want to know - so that I can get rid of cheating partner/make appointment with S.T.D. clinic.
Where possible, nobody needs, or deserves, someone like that in their life.

Spam88 · 27/01/2018 15:41

Interesting choice of wording OP, although to clarify - he's in a long-term relationship, had an affair, and you're the other woman. You are not his 'FWB partner' Hmm

Yes, I'd want to know. I question your motivation for wanting to tell her though.

twinklefeather · 27/01/2018 15:42

FBW - friends with benefits.

changemyname1 · 27/01/2018 15:48

Friend with benefits .......F.W.B. just meet up for sex no ties, no relationship, no commitment.
Only OP is the other woman ....o.w. the man is in a long term relationship but having an affair with Op so not fab situation.

SparklyMagpie · 27/01/2018 15:51

Good grief, just let them be, it's not worth it

Joysmum · 27/01/2018 16:01

I couldn’t give a shit what the motive was, if I was being cheated on I’d want to know with proof included.

sinceyouask · 27/01/2018 16:03

I would want to know, yes, so I could kick him out. He and the skank he was doing on the side would be welcome to one another.

slothface · 27/01/2018 16:08

Yes I'd want to know. And I'd call that a long term relationship not a short term partner. But it depends on your motivations for telling her - if it's truly altruistic and you can word a message politely and apologetically then yes. If you just want to rub it in her face then don't do it until you've calmed down

YouAreHavingAFuckingLaugh · 27/01/2018 16:16

You are asking if you should tell his partner that you have been sneaking around behind her back with him, sleeping with him and acting like a couple of absolute shits?

Yes you should tell her so she can get checked out at the S. T. D. clinic and get rid of this pathetic excuse of a so called partner.

Two years is not a short term relationship.

I really hope there are no children involved.

Myheartbelongsto · 27/01/2018 16:34

Hell hath no fury....

You sound a bit desperate op now that you've been binned.

Original poster
RainyDayPerson · 27/01/2018 16:59

raisedbyguineapigs people have sex all the time without being in love with someone or wanting to be with them full time . He is not a suitable partner for me . We met and really had an instant attraction to each other and decided to do this . I didn't force him to do it . We both agreed to do this but he then moved the goalposts and started to bring feelings into it - not the other way around. I believe he did this as he liked the connection and control he felt it brought but now yes I am p*ssed off and feel manipulated BUT that is the price I have to pay now. I do appreciate everyone's thoughts on this as it is putting it into some kind of perspective for me .

OP posts: