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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My boyfriend is ignoring me

84 replies

gaynor83 · 26/01/2018 11:18

We've been seeing each other for about two months. Both in our thirties. Everything seems great we get on so well and he seems to be genuine and likes spending time with me. We've seen each other or been in contact pretty much every day.
Sometimes he likes to spend time with his friends and I don't hear from him for a day or so but I don't bug him about it.
I saw him the day before yesterday later He went to meet friends..i called him later and he said he was on his way to mine. Then later his phone was switched off. I called once and messaged the next day but no answer to either. He lives with my best friend who's his cousin..when I asked her she said he had been home and left again but had said he was going to call me. I tried again last night and no answer, today it's switched off.
He rarely uses Facebook but today I saw him online and messaged to see if he was ok and he went offline.
I can't think of any reason for him to ignore me...i don't want to ask my friend too much...what should I do? I have mental health issues and feel horrible anxiety about this. But I'm trying not to let it show so haven't been blowing up his phone, it's really making me feel psycho though with the anxiety....

OP posts:
LineyS · 26/01/2018 12:49

He isn't your responsibility. Remember that when your friend (his cousin) starts moaning to you about him, his unpaid bills, etc.

LineyS · 26/01/2018 12:49

He isn't your responsibility. Remember that when your friend (his cousin) starts moaning to you about him, his unpaid bills, etc.

Hissy · 26/01/2018 12:51

Cocaine and CRACK?

Are YOU, yourself, on GLUE????

Bin this sorry prick before he flushes YOUR life down the tubes with his.

The ball is definitely in his court. . Take the ball back into your court and get rid of this idiot.

You have been with him 8 weeks. I've had library books more overdue than that, and I didn't get attached to them.

You don't know what this guy is capable of, you don't know him at all, but what you do know, each line of this sorry tale is ENOUGH of a deal breaker.

You need to look long and hard at why you are so accommodating of people who are really piss poor individuals

Purplerain101 · 26/01/2018 12:53

Run far away from a crack addict. Its a seriously hardcore drug and his brain is probably completely fried from using it recreationally. This is only going to end in serious heartache if you continue to try force it

SouthernComforts · 26/01/2018 12:55

Crack?! Bloody hell woman.

SouthernComforts · 26/01/2018 12:56

Why is your self esteem so low that you are chasing a relationship with a crack addict Sad

LineyS · 26/01/2018 12:59

Crack users want two things.

  1. Crack
  2. Money

Everything and everyone else is a means to an end.

Bexter801 · 26/01/2018 13:01

I would definitely,100% stop contacting him(know this will be supremely difficult),but he's not responding and unfortunately for you it just will come across as desperation. Even if it is a case that he's not interested,unsure or whatever,at least he could do would be a quick text to let you know. The fact he's not even done that,must set the tone on how this relationship could play out(it can't be all one sided). Try cheer yourself up,get take away,bottle of wine,go see friends(whatever it is you like doing) :)

SparklyMagpie · 26/01/2018 13:01

Fucking hell he's on crack!! And you're willing to overlook that?!! Good god woman

MyBrilliantDisguise · 26/01/2018 13:02

Oh god, OP, you are 34 and you are wasting your life on someone who's taking crack?

And this friend of yours. Does she know that he's taking crack? Does she take drugs herself?

It might be time to get yourself a whole new set of friends.

ChristmasCakes · 26/01/2018 13:04

I was just going to say it sounds like he's slept with somebody else but crack ShockConfused

Bexter801 · 26/01/2018 13:08

Oh he's on crack. Hmm,not at all judging,but he's not going to be able to see far past that,even if he wanted to. Your not going to be able to 'save him'. I'd try not to take it personally,and move on.

appella · 26/01/2018 13:09

Please come to the NC thread and get this guy out of your life

AFistfulOfDolores · 26/01/2018 13:12

OP, please, if you can, get yourself some therapy.

Can you see the total contrast between your original post, and the reality that has crept out of it? From "everything seems great" to "cocaine and crack"?

The issue at heart here is how you need to lie to yourself to believe that what you're choosing for yourself is something that's really going to work for you. When you're able to work this through, you'll be able to make far, far better, and healthier, choices.

Because, in a way, you're both addicts, except yours is a need to be loved. And by people who simply cannot love you.

All the best.

Original poster
gaynor83 · 26/01/2018 13:13

I think maybe he slept with somebody that was my thought too.
He plays the crack down but I know he does it . I'm pretty sure that's what he's been up to.

OP posts:
Original poster
gaynor83 · 26/01/2018 13:14

Thank you dolores

OP posts:
Purplerain101 · 26/01/2018 13:15

Why would you have even wanted to date someone in the first place who did crack? If you know he definitely does it then you shouldn’t have got involved with him. It’s an awful drug and it destroyed my friend’s life. Some drugs aren’t as bad as others but i’d put crack pretty much on a par with heroin

AFistfulOfDolores · 26/01/2018 13:16
Flowers
AFistfulOfDolores · 26/01/2018 13:17

Been there, done that, by the way. You can work through it if you're prepared to commit to yourself as strongly as you're prepared to commit to people who don't deserve anywhere near as much of your time.

QuickSod · 26/01/2018 13:21

Dump and run. No good can come of this. And and all this worry after 2 months? Nah fuck that.

Granville72 · 26/01/2018 13:21

I'd walk away now, in fact, I'd run very fast.

And I'd probably be also getting myself an appointment and some tests carried out.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 26/01/2018 13:42

He's not interested.

He's acting it; because he can stay with you when it suits him and it's nice to have someone to talk to when you feel like it, but when he's got a better offer, he's gone.

It's been two months. You deserve better even without taking into account that he's done this before and HE TAKES COCAINE AND CRACK.

Don't give it another thought. Hope that it doesn't interfere with your friendship with your friend; and move on. The anxiety is telling you this is wrong.

Isetan · 26/01/2018 13:48

You really shouldn't be dating. Isn't about time you find out why you keep falling for bad men.

hellsbellsmelons · 26/01/2018 13:48

And please do contact Womens Aid and ask about their Freedom Programme.
You are 34 and yes, you should know better.
You run away - far and fast - from anyone that does drugs.
You cannot save him.
Do the Freedom Programme as soon as you can.
It will help you avoid losers and wasters in the future.
It will help your self esteem.
It will help you set boundaries for yourself.
It will help you spot red flags.
Please consider it.

Greatestshow · 26/01/2018 14:36

You already knew why he was ignoring you before you posted. It's cocaine and crack!!

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