My boyfriend is ignoring me

[gaynor83]

We've been seeing each other for about two months. Both in our thirties. Everything seems great we get on so well and he seems to be genuine and likes spending time with me. We've seen each other or been in contact pretty much every day.
Sometimes he likes to spend time with his friends and I don't hear from him for a day or so but I don't bug him about it.
I saw him the day before yesterday later He went to meet friends..i called him later and he said he was on his way to mine. Then later his phone was switched off. I called once and messaged the next day but no answer to either. He lives with my best friend who's his cousin..when I asked her she said he had been home and left again but had said he was going to call me. I tried again last night and no answer, today it's switched off.
He rarely uses Facebook but today I saw him online and messaged to see if he was ok and he went offline.
I can't think of any reason for him to ignore me...i don't want to ask my friend too much...what should I do? I have mental health issues and feel horrible anxiety about this. But I'm trying not to let it show so haven't been blowing up his phone, it's really making me feel psycho though with the anxiety....

I know it feels like I'm second to drugs and his friends...

After 2 months? He says he's coming round, then disappears, he ignores you...

Move on. It's clearly not working out. Maybe he's ghosting you, maybe he's just being a dick, maybe he's not that keen on you. Either way, it's a crap way to treat you. I wouldn't put up with it. Life's too short.

He's been leaning on me quite a bit. Staying here a lot. He's in the process of getting his own house. I was cautious at first he seemed the one to push things further.

Isn't it more likely that he's blocking you and accessing FB from his phone than he's got his phone switched off and is accessing FB from another device? Is he showing as being offline on WhatsApp?

Frankly, this bloke isn't worth it. No man who behaves like this is worth it. The drugs would really put me off. The flakiness would really put me off. The disappearing for ages would really put me off.

Leave it now. Don't get in touch with him. You were the last to get in touch and he ignored you - don't put yourself through that again.

Could he have been using you for somewhere to stay and a bit of fun? Sorry that sounds really harsh but people can be manipulative bastards sometimes

Honestly just move on don’t contact him anymore if he wants to speak to you he’ll contact you but personally I’d say to him it’s not working for me.

Your only two months into the relationship it’s supposed to be the Honeymoon period, you obviously feel more for him than he does for you.

I'm not young..im 34 and should no better. I feel really disrespected to be honest. I know it's definitely not ideal for a new relationship . If he doesn't get in touch I'm going to leave it. I'm going to my friends for a coffee soon maybe she will shed some light. But I don't want to talk to her too much about him.

Sweetheart, this man is not worth your time or attention. The fact that he switches his phone off after making plans to see you is a metaphor for him seeing you as someone he can switch off when he feels like it.

You are a human being with value, and he doesn't seem to value you. Take a deep breath, and go no contact. It will hurt for a bit, but you have support here.

No I'm not being treated for anxiety but I probably should be..😣 sometimes I'm ok but situations like this really exacerbate it.
I know it sounds silly but he does seem really genuine when we're together I don't feel he has been using me. Maybe I'm going off at the deep end a bit here I just don't know.

Is the friend you're going to meet for coffee the one who lives with him by any chance

You ARE being disrespected so it's good that you can feel that.

Your self esteem must be in the pits if you're only considering ending it if he doesn't get back in touch. Even if he does, why do you value yourself so little you wouldn't end it straight away?

I could've written this, though we had been together a bit longer. It happened twice and he came back grovelling. The third time he didn't speak to me for nearly two weeks so I told him to jog on. Honestly, save yourself the hassle and get rid!

I won't contact him anymore. The ball is definitely in his court. If and when I do see him I'm going to have to talk to him about things.

Yes it's the friend he lives with. She just invited me round. He's not there though I'm pretty sure.
I know you're right, I have no self esteem at all to be honest.Things like this just make it worse.😓

The longer you stay with someone like this and try to force it to work, the worse your self esteem will get. He may be nice as pie when he’s around you, but when you’re apart he clearly doesn’t give a shit. Don’t waste anymore time with someone who is happy to pick and choose when he wants you.

Thanks for all the advice. I feel like I'm on here every relationship I get into unfortunately 😓

You may be picking the same sort of men over and over again because of your low self esteem. It’s a difficult pattern to break (I did it for years and years myself and always ended up with men who were nice for a few weeks and would then treat me like shit after that). Better to be single than to be spending time stressing out about why someone is ignoring you all the time. Don’t do it to yourself

It does sound like classic ghosting. Except for the whole drugs bender thing.

A) he doesn’t like you therefore he’s ghosting you;

B) he’s so busy taking drugs that he’s forgotten about meeting you and doesn’t even care about texting to keep you in the loop.

It’s a lose-lose situation. Move on.

I know. I don't consciously do it but the same pattern emerges each time. I feel so low every time it happens. I did think he was different and could get over the drugs thing. But there's nothing worse for me than being ignored. All I ask for is a bit of contact and reassurance and I wouldn't mind him going out with friends etc.

He honestly doesn't seem the type to ghost. I think he is confident enough to be able to talk things through...but now I'm not so sure I guess.

It makes no difference if he doesn't seem the type to ghost,that's what he's doing

I couldn't overlook the drugs, why would you want too

I think it's time to call quite OK

Yes not exactly giving a suit about you or the relationship is he?

*quits

Apologies for all the spelling mistakes

• shit not suit

Stupid auto correct on my tablet

Yeah I don’t think it’s a lack of confidence that leads to ghosting. It’s more they can’t be bothered with the upset of a breakup. Still, at least a text would be decent.

Thing is, if it’s drugs where he disappears for days it’s not relatively tame stuff like ecstasy or weed, it would be harder stuff like meth or cocaine. Very addictive and make people act appallingly. If he’s already done this within the last two months and is doing it again then it’s clearly a problem.

You don't know him well enough to say if he's the type to ghost, or not...

He'll come back and try and tap you up for money at some point. Please don't be that mug.

It's cocaine and crack 😭 I don't know what to think. Nothing much I can do I suppose.hes trying to get off it , but not very hard.