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Original poster

Do I want too much time?

54 replies

TheLittleLion · 21/01/2018 09:06

BF and I have been together 10 months.
I have a young DC, he has 2 teenage DCs.
He usually comes to my house 2 evenings a week as his children are at their mums and sometimes I see him one day during the week.
This is the exact same amount of time we’ve always spent together, right from the start. AIBU to expect more time?

He normally stays on a Friday night but has some rubbish reason to leave on Saturday so we never do anything. I have talked to him about his several times over the last few weeks and he keeps telling me it will change but so far it hasn’t.

Yesterday we had an argument because for once it wasn’t raining and I wanted to go out and do something with DC but BF was ‘too tired’. He stormed off and left. He did later apologise for ruining the day and promised me he’d change.

Then today.. I asked what he’s doing. He said he’s taking his youngest out with his DB and DN. Is it wrong of me to feel hurt by this? He’s always doing something, just never with us.

I’m actually starting to feel really unwanted but I do have low self esteem and depression so I’m not sure if I’m just being overly negative and overreacting.

After reading that back it seems fairly small but it’s been going on for so long, any opinions would be really appreciated.

OP posts:
dumbolickous · 21/01/2018 09:10

So he comes and stays over 3 nights a week? Do you go out? I'm talking wining and dining, cinema etc.
If not he's a cocklodger using you when he has nothing better to do. Sorry if that's blunt.

HipsterAssassin · 21/01/2018 09:12

You’ve been together just 10 short months and ‘never do anything’ have had an argument and he is promising to put some effort in? Good lord!

It won’t improve. You’re starting to get to know the real him and it’s disappointing. Rightly so.

The right person will be as into you are you are into them.

Time to move on - don’t waste any more time - 10 months is short and he is not the one.

Original poster
TheLittleLion · 21/01/2018 09:13

2 nights a week he comes here because I have DS. We never go out, ever. Even when I have a babysitter. We used to at the beginning..
Blunt is what I need. You’re right, I already feel used.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLittleLion · 21/01/2018 09:13

I was afraid that’s what’s people would say but it’s what I need to hear so thankyou.

OP posts:
LittleCandle · 21/01/2018 09:15

He makes you feel like crap. That isn't right. Dump him and move forward. You deserve much better than him.

PurpleWithRed · 21/01/2018 09:16

Agree with the comments above - he comes round a couple of nights for a shag at your house but doesn’t want a relationship. No point in making him promise to change, he won’t. Move on.

Original poster
TheLittleLion · 21/01/2018 09:17

It’s so hard because when we are together he’s so loving and affectionate and he’s great with DS. But yes, I do feel like crap and I k ow it’s because of how he treats me, thinking he can do what he likes and I’ll just be here waiting..

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLittleLion · 21/01/2018 09:19

Purple, you’ve hit the nail on the head!

We do go out in the day occasionally but it’s necer anything special. Well usually wonder around town because he needs to pick something up for DC.

OP posts:
sirlee66 · 21/01/2018 09:24

He's not with you for a relationship. He's with you for the booty call.

Ditch his sorry ass

Original poster
TheLittleLion · 21/01/2018 09:36

Can I ask another question?

It’s weird that I haven’t met any of his family or friends yet, isn’t it?
I have met his youngest twice but no one else.
He’s met my whole family.

OP posts:
LemonShark · 21/01/2018 09:42

Yes that'd weird! Very. Trust your gut, this relationship isn't progressing like you'd expect a relationship to do. If you're happy with being friends with benefits carry on, but if you want a partner he isn't going to provide that. Ten months in should still be surprise trips and showing you off to everyone and little surprise gifts. From both sides. His actions make me wonder, is he just selfish and disengaged or are you unwittingly the other woman?

Original poster
TheLittleLion · 21/01/2018 09:48

I don’t think I’m the other woman, I’ve been to his home a lot and it screams single man. He leaves his phone around and isn’t weird with it.
I do think it’s just selfish and disengaged, his life is all about the kids. He does what they want even if it means our relationship suffers and I don’t believe the eldest is too happy about him being with me.. or anyone for that matter.

OP posts:
dumbolickous · 21/01/2018 10:07

Ok. So he's dad of the year! But he most certainly is not partner/stepdad material.
You and your little one should not be taking a back seat to their happy little lives. Get rid . He's not what you're looking for. Also, it seems he has two cosy little lives going on and he's deliberately keeping them separate. You and your baby deserve more. Don't put up with this for a second longer. Have my first LTB!

gamerchick · 21/01/2018 10:12

It does sound as if you’re there to scratch his itch but he just has to put minimum effort into you to keep you sweet. He’s not interested in a proper grown up relationship with you.

It shouldn’t be this hard 10 month in. Tell him to get lost.

Ruddygreattiger2016 · 21/01/2018 10:20

Ideal booty call set up for him. Sounds like a user.

Greatestshow · 21/01/2018 10:23

Why don’t you go out when you have a babysitter? What would he say if you arranged the cinema or something?

Greatestshow · 21/01/2018 10:24

Btw I had an ex who never wanted to go out and really he was just lazy and boring.

Original poster
TheLittleLion · 21/01/2018 10:30

Oh wow, a LTB! I’m not sure why I posted, I knew what the answer would be, I supposed I just need to hear it again and again to give me the strength to do something about it.

We dont go out much as I usually only get a bahsttef on a Friday. Friday nights he has his DC for dinner so we couldnt possibly go out to eat.. and there’s not much else to do. I have a bad back so cinema isn’t comfortable but we have been once before. I’d go again but he always says about my back and that we shouldn’t go.
We used to just got for a walk on the beach, not much but I enjoyed it. Now we just sit and watch tv.

OP posts:
dumbolickous · 21/01/2018 10:37

Oh luv! You know in your heart of hearts that he's using you.
You can't just accept the crumbs from his table.
He comes to you for sex. For the sake of your child get rid!

thethoughtfox · 21/01/2018 10:38

If he doesn't want to make you part of his life, you may have made a mistake allowing him around your children as they may get / already be attached to someone where there is no real future.

dumbolickous · 21/01/2018 10:41

@greatestshow this guy is happy to go out with his children, brother, niece ..... just not OP. That kinda makes him a user rather than a lazy fucker!

saffinmum · 21/01/2018 10:45

I think you deserve better than this - whatever his reasons. I don't think he'll change - he sounds quite dull. Don't waste any more time. Find someone who rocks your world.

Itsalottery · 21/01/2018 10:45

I've just come out of one just like this. He was totally immersed in my life and I very little in his. It has made it very clean and easy for him to walk away and a lot harder for me to do the same. Be careful.

loverofcake983 · 21/01/2018 10:52

Actions speak louder than words. Seems like too much hassle for a 10 month relationship.

Hermonie2016 · 21/01/2018 10:55

He has compartmentalised you.The gf for affection and playing families but he is unwilling to put in effort..as soon as you asked for more he argued with you.

He wants you to be there, when he wants,for very little effort.Dump him and don't feel sad, feel empowered.You deserve more and won't settle.
10months should be exciting and dating but he is treating you like his mum, a fallback place.

He life probadly suits him very well.