Brave Babes Battle Bus: Next Stop Fabulous February

[SweetLathyrus]

Hi, I'm SweetLathyrus, Sweet for short, and I've been on and off Gerald the Brave Babes Battle Bus since 2014. Over the years, lots of us have maintained the thread, most of all the lovely Mouse, who has been here since the early days, and still scurries onboard when she can.

The bus is a place of support, safety and occasional silliness for those of us struggling with our relationship with alcohol. Some of us are sober, some are trying to be, some are moderating and aren't ready to give up alcohol just yet.

So whatever your reason for questioning the whys and WTFs of your drinking, hop on board, make yourselves comfortable and join in. Driers and Triers, all welcome.

2018 has been a busy year so far, lots of new travellers as well as old faces; if you want to read back on the journey through Dry or Dryer January so far, here's the link to the last thread

And in case you want to know how it all started, here is the link to JWN's original, inspiring thread.

Join us on our journey, you won't regret it.

Hi Lux, that is who Spanna saw, I know, sooooo jealous! Have you tried switching to Ñ and T?

Evening Rothbury, I'm not in Chi, DH used to live there, but the CFT is our yearly indulgence, we book up for pretty much everything. But lucky you being in Brighton. And you know we're all here whenever you need.

Hey sweet am just on tonic tonight. It's just something I need to watch, old habits die hard.

Cold now after such a gorgeous day, early night for me, and it's been a long week, I'm very tired.

Roth I'm not far from you, up tut coast 20 miles or so Hastings way I turn 51 next birthday where are you moving, still local? Moving is so stressful but so worth the fresh start!

Lux at least you're 'aware' which is half the battle. Can you stop now and have a large glass of fizzy water, followed by a cuppa?

Oooops sorry Lux xposted. Have a gooood sleep

lux try the Seedlip 'summer' It's got the same dry taste as gin. It takes a bit of getting used to (as did gin when I first tried it), and it is as expensive as boutique gin, but it feels indulgent.

And if you don't like the taste of Seedlip and tonic, ask yourself if you really like the taste of gin and tonic, or the sour taste of wine.....

Lux At least you're recognising the gin intake creeping up. That's what always happens to me. I start off sensible with 1 or 2 and then it just creeps up and up.

Spanna The quitting smoking has been a work in progress since Nov '16. I vaped (but with a proper kit) from May last year. Tried patches/cold turkey/mints first. Even then I only managed about 6 weeks without a 'treat' of real ones. And I drank all the way through. In January the eliquid I used went up to £4(!) a bottle and I was using 2-3 bottles a week making it as much as tobacco so I stopped. A big reason for quitting was money so there was no way I could have the replacement cost the same! Giving up from vaping was much easier after the first 2 days. This is the easiest stretch I've ever done and I'm pretty sure it's because I was AF for nearly 2 weeks first. They just go together for me.

My cross stitch looks really good framed (if I do say so myself!) It's the Bothy Threads numbers one for DS's room.

Morning All.

Baking - the cross-stitch is such fun! What a wonderful outcome for your AF days.

Venus, you are so right about the way we accustom ourselves to the smell and taste. Last time I did multiple months AF the first time I went out with a friend who drank wine, I couldn't believe how awful the smell was! I haven't had that experience so far because I haven't been out (yup, sad life ).

I'm still having occasional wistful thoughts about a glass of wine, but they are so fleeting, so it does get better, even though the process seems so painful and drawn out as we go through it. I know we all start off listing the positives - better skin, better sleep, but it's worth remembering that those positives carry on building up: how much better a month of good sleep? One week not drinking might equal remembering the complicated twists and turns of a tv drama, 48 equals a beautiful creative (and educational) keepsake for a DS's wall . And after a thousand days, you get to be as bloody awesome as Spanna .

MsHoolies I hope you're ok and being cared for. Mint, how are you and DP this morning?

What I really like about the Bus is that it is ok to jump on, hop off for a while, and sometimes things are about struggles, sometimes they're not.

Hello all. I'm sorry to those having hard times. I read every day (bloody sad I look forward to catching up!!) But don't get enough of a chance to say hello .

The posts about single life... How I'd love to be free of my in-laws!!!

My only wine triggers (apart from fleeting thoughts) are telling new people - or people who don't know - I'm not drinking. It's sad something so serious for my life and my children's life should be impacted so much by what others think about me. Something I've realised about myself that I need to change...

Hope you are all having good Sunday's xx

Say I've booked a holiday at Easter to where I used to live. I lived there 15 years - most of those years I was wrecked. I'm really excited but so nervous too. I haven't really told many of my friends I've stopped drinking and smoking. I mentioned DJ to one friend a while ago and his response was 'but you need a drink at the end of the week, look at all you've had to give up for DS'. It wasn't really the response I was looking for and if I manage to stay dry until March I'm a bit bothered about the trigger of being back in my old life for a bit. It annoys me I care so much about what others think.

Morning all - sorry for radio silence the last 3 days...I stepped into the sidecar to have a few evenings with my boy as I was away from him for 3 weeks whilst on hols and we have been out the last 3 nights. Didn't want to keep posting in case it was triggering for anyone.

I've been struggling with mindset since I got back from Cuba, partly because I was jet-lagged and also because I was out of my usual routine. We've stayed in London this weekend as I had an appointment yesterday that couldn't be moved with my dermatologist.

Yesterday we went out for pizza for both anti-Valentines and my birthday (I'm a v cheap date these days)!

Have had a nice time but seeing myself go back to drinking three nights a week (as was my previous situation before December last year) has convinced me I don't want to do it again as a habit. I guess we have to try these things and then see how we go (or not).

I can tell I would soon be exhausted and tired as the booze plus the compromised sleep are not where I want to be longer-term. I'm glad I've tried it and realised.

So I'm back to the start of day 25 for me and very much feeling ready to be largely abstinent. I have 3 weeks until I go skiing so want to be v healthy, sleep lots and also I have a lot of client work on (need to be at peak performance).

Plan for today is to eat proper food (I struggle when I'm in London), do all my washing and drying post-holiday, read the paper, early to bed with tea. The sun is out so going to have a shufty in the garden shortly as well.

I have been reading every day and am sorry for those who are having relationship issues. I am now v happily married for the second time but had a very bad time in marriage one, which definitely contributed to my wander into the lost wine years. It was during the latter part of that relationship that my wine consumption started to get v much out of control.

Anyway I'll stop waffling now. xxx

It's bloody annoying, isn't it?

Rationally, when someone asks:

"What would you like to drink?"

Each and every time, our choice should be based on what we want at that moment, from a full range of choices available, at that moment. But that's not what they mean, is it? By questioning the answer "I'd like a lime and soda please", they are doing so much more . . .

Doubting that you know your own mind
Suggesting that your choices are less valid than theirs
Imposing their perception, values and insecurities on you

Think about whether this would be valid anywhere other than in relation to alcohol: I go to a chocolate tearoom with a friend, all they sell is chocolate products and coffee. I order a chocolate muffin and an Americano, she orders a millionaire's slice and a hot chocolate. She doesn't look at my order and say, "You know you really want hot choc, not coffee, go on, change your or order". No, she looks at mine and laughs at her own chocolate overdose, and wishes she had my restraint (for which read, ability to moderate).

So why do people even question what we decide to drink? It's partly societal pressure, partly that their mental picture of us needs updating. I think the tide is very slowly turning on the acceptability of drinking, it may take another 30 years, but it is changing, we just have to be very firm in our convictions.

Sweet, spot on, great post. I’m going to hang on to that chocolate analogy.

DD said to me this morning, innocently, ‘Mummy you’re much nicer and calmer this year and you’re talking to me much more. Why’s that, do you think?’. I know exactly why and it makes me want to cry at all the wasted wine years and their impact on my relationships - but at the same time, I guess I couldn’t wish for a more pointed spur to keep going.

Happy Sunday, all.

It's scary how much they notice, and how much we try to persuade ourselves that they don't, Small. But you should be very proud that they do - we spend a lot of time berating ourselves for being less than perfect parents, you should bask in the glory that you are a nice, calm, interested Mummy .

Morning.
Just about recovered from this vile bug, just have a snotty nose and sore throat left. Friday night I slept 10 hours, don’t think I’ve slept that long since before I had children - and my eldest is nearly 35!
Upside is I haven’t wanted to drink. Or eat, and, like sweet I’ve lost a few lbs which will go back on this week.

Those of you commenting on the smell of wine, I poured WH a glass of red last night and the smell made me gag, so sour.

baking I used to do lots of cross stitch when younger —before the distraction of the Internet— and have a few framed around the house, but am now into crochet and even sell a few bits. It takes my mind off wanting a drink.

Love that chocolate analogy, I’m going to keep that to hand. WH constantly offers me alcohol, and questions my choice of water or a soft drink. It’s to make him feel better about the amount he drinks, but I’m not playing his game, I’m doing this for me, not him.

The posts about single life, I dream about it and it will happen. Maybe not this year but it will happen.

Off for a wander in the garden now, things are looking decidedly spring like.
Have a good Sunday xx

Happy Sunday everyone. Just de-lurking momentarily to encourage everyone to embrace their inner stubborn 2 year old when faced with people who are trying to tell them what/what not to drink!

I guess I'm lucky in that I'm quite stubborn and contrarian by nature, so the moment someone questions my choice or tries to get me to do something I dont want to, all that does is make me dig in my heels even further. So when I'm at a bar and the answer to 'What do you want to drink?' is 'Tea please' - I embrace the surprised looks that gets, and actively enjoy the shock that gets out of people. Might not work for everyone, but it does for me!

SweetLathyrus
Still alive so obviously no lottery win.

DP is OK. I think it's going to hit him more on her birthday and graduation. His Mum did point out she's may be his daughter/her grandchild but she's not a nice person and she's always been money oriented since a child. Unfortunately, she was spoilt when DP and ExW were together as he earned shit loads of money. So losing it all has hit him hard. I've never had money so I can cope (I spent some time when I was 11/12 being homeless with my Mum).

I've been blitzing the house as I had a really bad craving for wine this morning! DP went down the road to see his friend briefly and I thought if I had a quick glass no-one would ever know. I didn't though, I steam cleaned the bathroom instead.

I'm having to redo my washing. I played weather roulette and hung it out yesterday. It dried fantastically. The only problem is, I forget they were going to spray the fields yesterday. Eeeek! Lovely cow shit smelling bedding.

Slingsanderrors
I have been suffering with sinus problems since I had the flu last year. It's horrible. The headaches it's giving me are verging on migraines. I'm sure mines all stress related though.

Ma
How's Richard? Have you made blind date dinner plans for him and Lux yet? I haven't been to a wedding in years.

Sorry not to namecheck everyone . I'm on my mobile and can only see a page at a time.

hi mint. he goes back to China in a week so lux has better get her skates on

things shit here with dh/wb/gw. his enforced "happy families" is driving me insane and I just want to get out. Have reminded him I'm waiting for a response on the options I gave him and he says he's taking advice.
Then a friend, who I thought I could count on, emailed me and said i needed to stop "wallowing in self-pity" and just get a grip etc. That hurt. He's male, needless to say!! they are all fucking wankers.

Packing as I type ma

One thing I learned ma is you have to try to block out the noise of other people's opinions. They don't live your life and their views rarely count. Even now certain people tell me how sweet and calm my ex is, they never saw the rages behind closed doors.

ma wise words from lux
I’d be furious with this “friend”, how bloody dare he tell you to stop wallowing and get a grip. How dare he.
See, I’m furious on your behalf now.
Do as lux says, block out the noise.

Are we all invited to the lux/richard wedding? No I need a hat?

Mint poor DP, what a shitty thing for his daughter to do. Hopefully she gets her head out of her arse and realises what he’s done for her. Hope DP feels better about things soon.

Slings glad you are feeling a bit better

Small how great though is it that your dd has noticed? You’ve changed – for the better in her eyes. No parent is perfect either, so don’t beat yourself up.

Sorry not to name check everyone, will try to do that more. Shitty, crappy shift in work yesterday, a customer reduced me to tears . She had 4 bottles of shampoo and conditioner. They all looked the same but were different colours, so could and could not have been same price. We’re taught in that instance to scan something else in between to avoid double scanning (which I’ve had issues with before). There was nothing else left, just these bottles. So to avoid double scanning, after putting each item through I press ‘enter/total’ and carry on. She pays and leaves. Comes back a minute later. Asks why I did it like that. I explain. Apparently ‘it’s confusing’. I apologise. She carries on, like a dog with a bone, keeping on and on. Supervisor comes over. She diffuses things but rather than sticking up for me tells me ‘she wouldn’t have done that as it’s confusing’. Once customer goes (after been apologised to again, made me feel in the wrong and customer in the right) I explain. Supervisor says I should have scanned them all together, I explain about double scanning, she tells me vaguely to be ‘careful’ about double scanning and goes. So no real advice. Had a few tears (hid under my till ‘tidying’ and composing myself). The woman just seemed so mad at me personally, and even though I know I’m good at my job I felt crap at it. My colleagues said they would have done the same thing, that I was in the right, that supervisor wasn’t very helpful etc. Now I’m worried I might get talked to about it tomorrow (I was trying to do things right, I’ve already had a disciplinary about double scanning so I’d rather confuse a bitchy customer than risk losing my job). I know I was in the right but it really upset me – the lack of support more than anything else I think. Though I think maybe supervisor said it to get customer to bugger off.

thanks slings I told him to fuck off so probably ended that relationship too. I'm having a good run.
made don't worry about arsy customer. You can never please everyone and you can explain why you did it that way. There are always people willing to find fault whatever you do!

Ma what a wanker, he will hopefully go and reflect on the fact that his words were incredibly unhelpful, insensitive and completely unnecessary - I'm for you . You really don't need opinions like that - wanker, wanker, wanker.....

Made sorry to hear you had an arseholic customer, I agree, supervisor said that to get rid of her. She's probably living an unfruitful life and clearly has nothing better to do try not to worry about it, as Ma wisely says - you can explain perfectly well why you did what you did. Don't let it ruin the rest of your day x

A bus wedding, you say, let's go buy hats babes.......

Sweet That was a fab post this morning. I regularly feel my choices are less valid when I'm trying to 'be good'.

Slings I really want to try knitting/ crochet but don't know where to start. I've seen another cross stitch kit I want to get - it's a baking one so it can hang in the kitchen but I can't just fill my house with cross stitch. I need an alternative hobby!

Small DS told my mother my favourite supermarket aisle was the booze one (because we spend so long in it) when she took him shopping last week. I wouldn't mind but we haven't been in it since xmas!

Made Retail is awful at times. Some customers are just vile. Try not to let it get to you. You've got reasons for your method.

Ma He's a wanker. Take no notice. He has no idea what it's like. Nobody does because they aren't in your marriage.

Cupcakes I really like the idea of wall to wall cross-stitch The kitchen one sounds lovely, how's about a bus one?

First day back after half term for DD2, I've been frantically washing uniform which I thought I'd already done radiators here it comes! She's being particularly vile today, why oh why when we go out of our way to make their school holidays worthwhile do they throw it back with Kevin
Onward to Spain on Wednesday, thank gawd!