Brave Babes Battle Bus: Next Stop Fabulous February

[SweetLathyrus]

Hi, I'm SweetLathyrus, Sweet for short, and I've been on and off Gerald the Brave Babes Battle Bus since 2014. Over the years, lots of us have maintained the thread, most of all the lovely Mouse, who has been here since the early days, and still scurries onboard when she can.

The bus is a place of support, safety and occasional silliness for those of us struggling with our relationship with alcohol. Some of us are sober, some are trying to be, some are moderating and aren't ready to give up alcohol just yet.

So whatever your reason for questioning the whys and WTFs of your drinking, hop on board, make yourselves comfortable and join in. Driers and Triers, all welcome.

2018 has been a busy year so far, lots of new travellers as well as old faces; if you want to read back on the journey through Dry or Dryer January so far, here's the link to the last thread

And in case you want to know how it all started, here is the link to JWN's original, inspiring thread.

Join us on our journey, you won't regret it.

Morning all
I am climbing back on the bus after a long absence.
I have been on the bus on and off since JWN first post under a few guises , tismesober was my last name.
Anyway I feel that I got a real wake up call yesterday regarding my health and I feel that it must be in some way related to my drinking.
I had my eyes tested and my optician has advised me that I have high presssure behind my eyes which can lead to a loss of my peripheral vision and eventually a loss of my sight.
I don't binge anymore and I thought that my drinking was under control however in the words of my DH I do drink fairly consistently ie most nights .
I have been referred to an eye specialist and in the meantime I have decided to stop drinking in the hope that I can reduce the pressure.
I am early fifties and healthy in every other way so this has come like a bolt from the blue.
Perhaps it is not related to my drinking but I can't help thinking of the number of headaches I have had over the years , I must have been doing damage .
Day 2

Welcome back, White. Obviously, it might have a connection, but, the pressure is most probably indicative of one of the two types of glaucoma - one is a genetic narrowing of the channels that drain the eye, the other is age-related. I was diagnosed with the former a couple of years ago. It needed a quick (literally 5 mins) laser treatment, plus six monthly check-ups. The age-related one is often treated with drops in the eye. It's serious if left untreated, but relatively simple if caught.

Thanks sweet that's reassuring to know.
I suppose it was the kick up the bum that I needed because I have always taken my health for granted.
At least when the eye specialist asks about my alcohol consumption I could be honest about it if I have managed to stop 😃😃 Rather than lie about it as I have done in the past

ma I hope the link works
I saw this and thought of you

Hello White, good to see you - and Otter how are you doing today? We are all here for you. Every time I see your ottery name it makes me happy. I could watch the little creatures for hours and hours, juggling their little stones with their little webby feet (I am proper obsessed...and don't even get me started on their sea otter cousins). So thank you for giving me smiley thoughts!

Grinned (grimly) to myself this morning when finishing the internet shopping order - by Christmas, all the 'have you forgotten?' or 'would you be tempted by?' prompts at the end of my orders were for 10 different types of Pinot Grigio or arcane and downright nasty flavours of Baileys. Literally no actual foodstuffs. Now I have a litany of wholesome prompts for hemp, flax and chia seeds. My body is a temple, don'tcha know. And, predictably enough, I feel much better for it. Who knew. (Ok, yes, I knew, about 25 years ago, but have nonetheless been abusing that temple daily ever since. I only hope the hempen revolution ain't too late).

What is odd, is that the December wine lake seems a long, long time ago - almost a different life - and it also seems inconceivable now to imagine that I could be floundering around in it again, given how well and how clear headed I feel today. But I know that for me it would only take one sip to be hurtling back down to the murk of that pond, and only a week or so til I was right back at the bottom again. I so, so don't want to be there or to be that person. And sorry - for those moderating, this is just me - I know everyone is doing this differently and what is important is that we are all in it together.

Sending strength and positivity to all who intend to moderate or be AF this weekend. I am sure some Friday night luxuries are in order?

Ma - am holding you close in my thoughts.

Small, I'm right there with you. My Friday luxury is going to be a new sports bra , but you'll be pleased to know that I won't be lounging around in it!!

And, White, you won't have to hold your breath or OD on mints when they get up close into your eyes.

thank you all so very much
Welcome to otter and well done on that very honest post. On this bus you post anything you like, when you like, drunk, sober or somewhere in between. The only rule we have is no judging. (an no eating the green opal fruits as those are mine!)
I had gin last night and felt utterly shit this morning, a stark difference to how I felt in January. I feel obliged to have champagne with dd tonight as she has waited so patiently to celebrate and then I'm back off it.
Today I overheard the following snippet of telephone conversation - only in this job!
"Roger that, but we appear to have lost a warship!"

The defence of the nation is in safe hands here...

Thank you all so much for being so lovely. I was so embarrassed this morning at having posted so honestly but then I thought sod it - it’s the bloody truth and maybe writing it down like that, having it out there, as it were, might help me in some way.

I’m not particularly hungover which is terrible, really. Or my body is so used to having all that poison every day that I think I’ve become used to feeling like shit.

And @margie, I did actually try AA a few years back. I went to a few meetings and then stopped. I wish I hadn’t- stopped going, that is.its definitely something I would do again, it’s just that at the moment I have such crippling social anxiety and that stops me doing a lot of things.

But if I can just get a few AF days in the bank and start to feel better I’m sure it will have a knock on effect on my anxiety too. So in my fantasy life I will be able to stay sober for a while and then go back to AA to help me stay that way.

Thank you all again for being lovely. It really does help knowing other people understand.

otter way back near the start of the Brave Babes thread, when I was very new, the challenging (but correct) MIFLAW replied to one of my posts in which I said that my agrophobia would stop me from going to an AA meeting... he said, "I bet it wouldn't stop you from managing to buy booze in an emergency". He was right

Not suggesting that applies to you, but I remember how furious I felt that he had called me on it.

Welcome otter I don’t have much advice to give right now but you’re in the right place. Please stay around, you will get so much support and absolutely no judgement. We all ‘get it’. I honestly don’t know how I would have got through the last few days without the wonderful ladies on this thread.

otter If it’s any consolation, I was working out tonight that I have had Police and/or paramedic involvement 15 times in the last 4 months as well as 2 hospital admissions.
I am quite happy to take the role on the bus as people thinking ‘Well, I’m not as bad as her’. If that helps people, I’ve achieved something useful.

Ma that made me lol where have they put it I'd like to know

Welcome Otter as has already been said by wise babes - you're in the right place, say whatever's on your mind and I also loooove the green opal fruits, glares at Ma

Fox great post 'wine lake' made me smile! You're doing great babe - all that healthy stuff that's now going down your gullet

MsHoolies you are no way the 'well I'm not as bad as her' babe - we simply 'are' and we all struggle differently. You are an amazing, strong and very brave babe - you will beat this babe - you will. x

White welcome back lovely. I hope you get your eyes sorted soon that could have everything to do with your headaches. Try not to worry at least you're moving forward with it and you're doing something about it

Margie hello sweetheart, I took delivery of Eleanor Oliphant today, will get my nose stuck in later.....and remember everything I've read

Sweet how's your new bra doing?

Lux hope you got everything done that you needed to do, have a lovely evening with your friends

Bee how you doing babe?

Cupcakes you ok?

Knackered! has been a long week and I'll be glad to have two days to be lazy and catch up with myself. Hope you're all ok xxx

Sorry all I read every day but struggle to post during the week. So hope these comments are not too out of the loop!!

otter welcome. Last year I tried and failed tried and failed. A week tomorrow I will be af day 100. Keep going. Every time you delay alcohol you learn something

Mshoolies I'm so pleased you're posting. Has the alcohol service started yet? Your time is coming.

Sweet That was about what I was drinking (so little more at the weekend
...) So it was really interesting to read the money savings. Money is really tight and it us unbelievable I found the money for this but haven't seen it now I've stopped!! We've been unlucky the last few months though with car repairs, shower repairs services etc so maybe that's It!! Oh of course and Christmas and a big birthday in the family. By the way I had a dog who can be amazing and can ... have a mind of his own! When he was little we tired a dog trainer one:One and even the dog trainer stopped returning my calls!!! We've made it work and he's pretty good now but it's taken a while!!

Who was it asking about running? I have my next half at the beginning of March. Looking for my next one now!!

ma I don't know the history but that amount of money is such a huge breech of trust. Having seen your comments on here you strike me as a wise women good luck with your next steps.

I am going to get myself a treat - not this month too many outgoings but next month. Part of my problem as I am sure the same for many of you is not prioritising my needs they never seem very important so alcohol is always an easy way to do everything celebrate , commiserate, 'relax' other ways take longer. Sometimes longer is worth it though!!

So I'm going to get myself a mother's day type necklace - remind me how far I've come and what I could loose if I go back. Something physical I can have with me to remind me.

mint I love your pictures!!

Sorry the typos......

Saywhen such an inspiring post, thank you. Not long now til that milestone So much of what you said I was nodding my head to. Yes agree, where is the money I always found to buy wine my app says over £14k now wish I'd put it away! A lovely idea to buy your necklace. Have a lovely day x

Margie good luck with your marathon tomorrow, you will rock it babe 🏅🏆

margie best of luck. Smash it!
i have signed up for Race at your Pace online and will walk 25 miles in February. You can do 25, 50, 75 or 100 so starting small but a mile a day should do it. Another monthly challenge.
had a lovely night with DD last night. Even managed to keep my gob shut when she talked about her recent trip to Vegas and the effect gambling had on some people......
Feel groggy this morning so back to being AF for me. Need a clear head

Hello. Nervous post here. I'm in the position that I know this can't continue, but absolutely terrified of stopping. I've been reading the books and going to start listening to podcasts etc. I've started to be very conscious of every drink. Trying to identify triggers etc. Turns out I drink because I drink. Good day, bad day, Tuesday...
Looking forward to getting to know you all

Welcome when - a very familiar story and one all of us will understand.
"I drink because i drink" is very true but after chatting to the babes you will find there is more underneath.

This from saywhen above struck home:

Part of my problem as I am sure the same for many of you is not prioritising my needs they never seem very important so alcohol is always an easy way to do everything celebrate , commiserate, 'relax

@dementedma very true. I'm such an oxymoron. Before I had kids I told myself I drank because I felt empty because we didn't have kids.
Now we have kids and I still feel empty. Not completely of course. But there's a void. I suspect there's some really fun and interesting stuff I could achieve if I wasn't wasting my nights in a bottle of wine

Saywhen What do you think made the difference in you managing to stop this time?

Mshoolies I have no idea......

I put day 1 af into my calender so many times last year. So many times I didn't achieve day one. Sometimes I managed a few days occasionally a week once 20 days. I desperatly wanted to have alcohol in my life but to moderate. Even though it was causing me so many problems. I saw it as a failing I couldn't manage alcohol. My problem. Ashamed to say I'm not drinking.

Every time I started drinking I saw it as a failure nothing gained. I realise now that wasn't true every time I didn't drink I learnt a bit more about life without alcohol and how I could live this life - it could be better.

Over the year I read this thread, sober blogs, listened to sober podcasts and kept trying day 1.

Every day I got to the next day af it was at much to my own amazement.

Something has changed about my feelings about alcohol. I am not waiting to drink again. I can't drink I can't moderate. I've mourned those glass of wine moments - where I won't join in.

I have realised very seriously life is better, happier without alcohol in it ever. I am a steadier more consistent person and parent with fewer worries. The lack of alcohol has reavealed some things I need to deal with but I don't feel out of control.

Wine made me feel completly out of control.

Keep trying day 1. Keep delaying alcohol. Read or listen to anything that talks about a sober life our alcohol culture is a thorn in our side but there's another way.

I am still very early into this journey. Still one day at a time. Today I won't drink.

Morning all. So I managed dry January even with a birthday and a few nights out. Was so proud of myself so thought yes of course I have cracked this drinking malarkey so went out for “a couple” with a friend last night. Decided to drink prosecco because nobody can drink enough if that to get drunk. Ended up absolutely steamboats, fell over lots and big bruises this morning. I think it is safe to say I have not cracked it. Here we go again with dry February!

Good on you for recognising that though Trust! Here's hoping dry Feb goes as well for you as Jan did!