Brave Babes Battle Bus: Next Stop Fabulous February

[SweetLathyrus]

Hi, I'm SweetLathyrus, Sweet for short, and I've been on and off Gerald the Brave Babes Battle Bus since 2014. Over the years, lots of us have maintained the thread, most of all the lovely Mouse, who has been here since the early days, and still scurries onboard when she can.

The bus is a place of support, safety and occasional silliness for those of us struggling with our relationship with alcohol. Some of us are sober, some are trying to be, some are moderating and aren't ready to give up alcohol just yet.

So whatever your reason for questioning the whys and WTFs of your drinking, hop on board, make yourselves comfortable and join in. Driers and Triers, all welcome.

2018 has been a busy year so far, lots of new travellers as well as old faces; if you want to read back on the journey through Dry or Dryer January so far, here's the link to the last thread

And in case you want to know how it all started, here is the link to JWN's original, inspiring thread.

Join us on our journey, you won't regret it.

Mint

I suppose it is because it is Feb 1st, but I am thinking more today about having a drink than I have in weeks .

I'm not going to, I'm working, I'm guzzling fizzy water, and later I'm going to an aqua class, but honestly, brain, PISS OFF!

Those of you who were just going for Jan, then hoping to moderate, how are you feeling? If you don't want to drink, you don't have to, you have done the longest month of the year, why not keep going?

If you didn't hear it last time around listen to 'The Red', this afternoon's play on Radio Four at 14:15, (or on the radio iplayer). It's written by Marcus Brigstock, (don't let that put you off):

"Benedict has been sober for 25 years. On the day of his father's funeral, he learns he has left him an unsettling final request. Benedict's father loved wine. He collected it and found sharing it with his friends and family an act of love and joy. But his son is an alcoholic. We witness how this has affected both their lives and their relationship in this drama based on Marcus Brigstocke's own experience of recovery. "

It's being repeated because it won awards (a Sony I presume), and is worth a listen.

Hi all

Well done to everyone who completed dry Jan - you should be so bloody proud of yourselves.

Sky box is fixed ( I called helpline and had to do a factory reset or something) hooray!!

I am off out tonight with friends but am now driving so no drink. It's a carvery ( I am 52 going on 82) and I decided if it was a choice between wine and roast potatoes, the roasties won hands down. So this is progress indeed

Rothbury, I'm with you there, Babe, roasties EVERYtime , and well done to you for sticking to your goals.

very very tough day. I am drinking gin. not going onto wine as i will relapse big time. Probably should have said no to the gin but here we are

Rothbury I love a roast potato. Especially when they're cooked by my Dad. They'd win over wine!

Flowers The sensible thing would be to get rid of the wine by pouring it/giving it away but because of who it's from I couldn't do it. I don't know what to suggest.

Sweet For me alcohol and smoking are properly linked as I started them both together. I tried to do dry January and quit smoking last year and it all fell apart. It's so odd how this year feels more right.

I bought some of the AF heineken today having heard good things on here. I looked at AF kopperberg too but it's loaded with calories so I put it back.

Ma Hopefully tomorrow will be better. Did it not go well at home?

no. sorry, conscious I'm hogging the thread. he phoned me absolutely distraught, hysterical, don't leave me, I'll change etc etc. heard it before but would take a heart of stone to listen to someone in that state and not waver....

Just don't think I have the balls to throw him out...and i so desperately need to be free of him. he's like a millstone.
going to sign off for a bit. you are all wonderful

You're not hogging the thread. We want to help. I think you need to try and stay strong on this one Ma He isn't going to change. It's just words. But I do get that it's hard. Any change is. Don't let him drag you down.

Ma it seems to me that you've been the strong and stable person in your marriage, being there for your DC, always making sure the ends meet, keeping it all together. You could stay with him for another 20 years but how do you think you'd feel looking back over your life? You're not getting any younger, your DC must sense that you've not been all that happy, they will more than likely be so much happier with a contented, happy Mum who is full of life, 'being' and doing what she wants to do. I'm sending you strength lovely Ma, you don't have to make any immediate decisions but I can sense that you're getting close to the mark. We are all here to support you

My mum and dad used to argue like cat and dog, they stayed together because of the children (and what would the Jones's say if they got divorced) the atmosphere in my childhood home was awful, my brother & I trod many eggshells. Couldn't wait to leave and did at 17. They stayed together and dad eventually died of pancreatic cancer at 65. They could have been so much happier apart but never got round to doing it. I think my mum (who now has a new partner) looks back with sadness that so much of her life went by, she'd been with my dad since she was 19, she's 73 now.

I remember the tears and pleading ma
My response eventually became you have done this to yourself in reply to 'please don't do this to me'

Once you know and believe it for yourself it becomes easier I promise 🌹

ma I understand so well where you are. It is truly heartbreaking

But, where was he last week, when you came home exhausted? And where was he every time you needed a break? And where was her when you were doing your best to juggle finance to pay for important house improvements?

He may promise all he likes but now something HAS to change. Let it be on your terms. Maybe he moves out for 2 months, and in that time he has to show how he will manage to repay the credit card debt plus the cost of his rental. But please, do not just let the status quo run.... x

Hello all. I tried so hard to make Feb first ‘the day’ and was going fine til about 6pm and then ordered two bottles of red to be delivered - that’s my daily intake, on a good day.

I don’t drink spirits and thank someone for that (fuck knows who; I don’t believe in any god, although I was baptised catholic and went to Sunday school. Am now very lapsed) and also don’t think that you need to drink spirits to be an alkie.

I know I am. Fucking two bottles of red a night - I’m under no illusions.

So, I keep trying to do the first day and failing. I do find it helps at the start of the month as it feels a bit new year, new you.

But my current issue is that I keep getting the ‘this will be the last day, ever’ thing, and as such, I keep telling myself one more day won’t make any difference in the long run. Like, after I stop that one day will mean, nothing, right?

Except I e been doing this ‘one last day’ thing for over a fucking year.

I am seriously saying to you, last year I did maybe 11 days sober. Out of 365.

I have tried this before and I can’t remember why exactly it didn’t work, but tomorrow I am going to cancel all my credit and debit cards so I can’t order any wine to be delivered.

This is the most honest post and things I’ve said about my drinking in over a year.

I’m trying and keep failing.

That was maybe too much. I’m not used to the battle bus and don’t really know the way it works. I just saw it and thought if it helps I fucking need it.

Oh, and because I drink I’m going to wake up tomorrow in a world of anxiety trying to remember what I posted and how personal it was.

Please be kind. I WANT TO STOP with all my heart - which is probably enlarged from all the drinking.

Hi otter it's the middle of the night, and I just got up for a pee, but wanted to let you know that I hear you, and I've been there, and it CAN get better.

Thank you venus. Going to try to crash out now. I just want to get better and not be a fucking slave to this disease any more. X

Morning all babes, it’s Free February! Day 25 here. Still feeling ok if a bit flat. And no bloody weight loss, although I do feel less bloated.

ma I really feel for you, I’m in a similar position with a useless husband who I feel sorry for and don’t want to hurt his feelings. I know it’ll have to end sometime because I can’t keep this pretence up. spanna, lux and venus have written very wise words. Read them again and again. (I will). Make your decision based on what’s best for you now, not him.

otter, I hope you’re asleep now. I think most of us have done the “right, this is it, I’m starting tomorrow (or next week, or next month) thing. The idea of “new month, new start” appeals, but it doesn’t really matter when you stop, if you know you want to.
I planned to do the whole of dry January, but pressed the “fuck it”button for the first week, and my dry Jan started on 8th Jan. So whenever you’re ready, and keep talking here. There’s so much inspiration and support from these lovely babes.

Otter, that’s exactly the way this bus works, don’t ever feel you have to apologize for being honest or seeking help. I have stood in your shoes, I have thought those exact thoughts. Don’t think of forever, don’t even think of tomorrow, just think of today, this hour, this minute. Try not to drink for an hour, and then another one - you need to take baby steps at the beginning. At the moment the disease is controlling you but you can take back the control, I promise. Have you thought about AA? I went for a while and it is really helpful to sit in a room with people who “get it”, you don’t have to commit to the steps or anything like that. Keep talking to us hon, I know it feels insurmountable now but you can beat this thing and you will beat this thing.

Ma, I don’t think people really do change all that much, especially as they get older. Your DH has a pattern of established behaviour which I think will repeat again - of course he’s repentant at the moment, but if you all just carry on as it was before then he will slip back into his old habits. You are being incredibly brave to face up to the situation and to fight for yourself - just like Slings, I have been burying my head in the sand about my relationship with DH but I know deep down that I have to sort things out. I’m in awe of people like you and Lux who have the courage to act.

Morning All,

Ma, you aren't thread-hogging, you need to vent, you need support.

I left DS's father in 2005 after 13 years, he was emotionally abusive, financially inept, I 'had to' keep him afloat, maintain his lifestyle, I put up with his tantrums and I almost lost myself to it. When I finally left, he did the same, he cried, he shouted, he promised to change, he changed - for two days, he threatened suicide because he couldn't live without me (oh the detail he gave me of the call to Samaritans). But he did live without me, what he didn't do was change.

I did think he might get his act together, get a job, stop blaming the rest of the world, I gave him more than he was due from our house, took on all of the debts he left. Two years later, he was broke and went insolvent. Maybe that was a fresh start? No, he still lives on a financial edge, he barely sees DS, his financial contribution is £30p/m (only up from £24 because I told him it was going straight into the boy's ISA not my bank). He now sponges off his mother.

What I'm saying is that a) he will survive; b) some people are not capable of change, especially those who cannot take responsibility for themselves; c) you will thrive. . .

When I got with DH, ExP accused me of being after DH's money (oh the irony!), DH earns what I earn, TO THE PENNY, being with him meant I got my own money.

We are all on the bus because we are looking for change, to improve ourselves. Most of us spend too much time looking after other people to devote time to ourselves; and that's the difference, we find change difficult because we are selfless; they find change impossible because they are selfish.

You should do what is best for you, don't just do what will make his life easy.

Otter, as Margie said, that is what the bus is for, and, like Slings, I recognise the I'll start tomorrow, one more evening won't matter. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, for you, that step will be a minute, then an hour, then a day. I have had years when 11 days AF would be good going, you're not alone. Once you're up, keep posting, I have to walk the dog, then I have a class just before luch, but I'll be online most of the rest of the day if you want to keep posting.

Day 33 for me. DH went shopping, my list for him was Heineken AF.

He asked if I would be drinking the champagne, I just said no, I felt better and got more work done without. So, 1/3 of the way to 100 days. Why would I want to give up how I feel today? Why would I want to poison my body, bloat and desiccate my skin, ruin my sleep, set a poor example to DS, piss my money down the drain?

Have a good day, Babes, AF or moderate, be the best Babe you can be.

See, Ma, now I'm thread-hogging

Welcome Otter here on the bus you can say as much or as little as you like, you just join right in. Sometimes you'll have a lot to say, other times you'll just read along. You will never find any judgements here, ever, only a lot of encouragement, ideas, tips and often a bit of silly fun

Friday then, guests over this evening, loads of work to do. I'll try to check in later my lovelies.