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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DH proposition is pissing me off

83 replies

NotReadyToMove · 17/01/2018 09:10

DH has decided that now would be the good time to look for another job and move. Because you know, I’m getting a bit bored with what I’m doing now. Job would be far enough that it wouldn’t be commutable of course....
I’m so angry at him.
Not because of the idea of moving. I’ve been telling Id love to move for years (think about 15 years). He has been saying he hates the place we are living for about the same amount of time.
But, no. It was always impossible. It was the financial crisis (can’t risk to loose my redundancy money if things go bad), his hobbies (no way I won’t be able to do x and y) and Just generally refusing to look further than 15 miles away from he has always lived.
And now he wants to move .... just when my business is finally doing well (I would have to start from scratch again), when we have found a school that works for the dcs and when both dcs are entering the time when they will have exams after exams (between them, they will have one exam each year for the next 4 years - Dc1 GCSE next year, then dc2, the Dc1 Alevel And dc2 Alevel) so really the last time when you want them to move to a new school.

I’m pissed off. He has form to find ‘just the right job’ to suit him when he wants so I am in no doubt that his change of heart is linked with something he really wants to do (or wants to avoid)
Relationship isn’t going well atm and it feels like it’s a perfect way to reign me in.
And all the objections that he used before seemed to have disappeared, even though they are still probably even more valid now than they were before.

Just needed to vent. I need to have a chat with him about it but feel too pissed off just now to be able to have a rational conversation.

OP posts:
joystir59 · 17/01/2018 16:39

Tell him that since he has consistently refused to move you put your energy into getting your business going and making the most of where you live now, so the answer is no. We've just moved which has meant me starting my business anew, but I don't mind because mutual discussion/decision and my OH is very supportive and helpful.

trojanpony · 17/01/2018 21:46

I think * Notevil* is 100% spot on.

Call his bluff but don’t let him think he can piss the family money up the wall on a bachelor pad in the new town.

Explain there are loads dingy small lovely little mon-fri room let’s available. Renting a whole one bed property would be a huge waste of family money Wink

Then he can eating his microwave meal off his lap in while sat on a slightly sagging mattress while you get some headspace

Cricrichan · 17/01/2018 22:12

Even if you still wanted to move now is not the right time. Very risky with your children facing exams and it could affect their future. Also, building a business is difficult so you'd need a very good reason to relocate and start again. Tell him that no, too late!

cestlavielife · 17/01/2018 22:44

Don't move.
Dc cant move until all finished school .
He can go and come back to visit dc.

ChaChaChaCh4nges · 18/01/2018 02:38

What NotEvil said. Perfect response.

0ccamsRazor · 18/01/2018 08:16

Notevil has a very good response Grin

Op you sound like a really nice person, time to cut off the dead flesh I think. I bet your health will rocket without his crappy energy around you.

ArcheryAnnie · 18/01/2018 10:20

Call his bluff but don’t let him think he can piss the family money up the wall on a bachelor pad in the new town.

Explain there are loads lovely little mon-fri room let’s available. Renting a whole one bed property would be a huge waste of family money

This!

yetmorecrap · 18/01/2018 13:05

You have married a weirdo, although clearly you were not to know how weird, it’s no shame admitting it. Get out and let him pay maintenance and be a good but separate dad

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