DS (2) frightened of DH...

[ElephantsYeah]

I wonder if anyone can help. My ds is 2, and said tonight that he is scared of dh (his dad).

DH is a kind and gentle man, though does sometimes get cross and snap by shouting too loudly (imo) but has never ever been violent to ds (or me).

He is devastated that ds said this. I don't know what to suggest he does to help ds become more comfortable with him so wondered if anyone has any tips?

We're (relatively) new to parenting and I expect we're getting all sorts wrong, but I don't think our ds should ever feel frightened of either of us, ever. So I want to nip this in the bud before it drives dh away (he was so hurt, he said he might as well not be part of the family).

Legend, i am a bit worried to hear you talk of very young children's actions as 'crimes'. When you ask about what to do about your son throwing something at the baby, your tone suggests your son did it deliberately to hurt the baby. Your son is little more than a baby himself. What do you think the shouting will achieve?

@ElephantsYeah

Why does a kid need to be chided into realising "kissing is nicer than biting". How twee is that? Why dont you just teach him that biting is fucking wrong? You didnt teach him that getting up in peoples faces is wrong - just to modify the "assault".

I still dont get why a 2 year old needs to be BF.

And I dont get why he needs to sleep in your bed.

elephants for what it's worth I think youv got things right. You know your dh and his relationship with your ds. None of us are perfect and it's a good sign your dh is open to talk and to change if needed
Why some people on here are so eager to jump to a man being abusive. It's like they get kicks out of it.

Lots of children breastfeed beyond 2, it's not such a strange thing. I don't think I need to justify that to you, glitter. It's just something we do. It's really not that weird.

And, again, lots of 2 year olds sleep in their parent's bed too. Not that strange.

I don't think I'm teaching my son to "get up in people's faces" as thus far, he's only ever tried to bite me. No one else. I've taught him that I prefer him to kiss me than bite me. I don't get why that's so hard for you to grasp?

You know, these days when you house train a puppy you are advised not to shout at them like you did in the past. It doesn't help or change the behaviout apparently.

It's one thing to shout out to stop a child doing something, but quite another thing to shout because they have done something.

No you certainly don't need to explain youself for breastfeeding, how bizarre

And I think the kissing-not-biting thing is lovely and a great way of teaching positive touch and gentleness.

He's 2 years old fgs. Nothing in his behaviour sounds untypical for that age, and OP is dealing with unwanted behaviour perfectly competently.

Elephantyeah........he’s a toddler for gods sake, don’t sweat it, he’s just being a toddler!
You definitely don’t need to be justifying breastfeeding, I am also still breastfeeding my 2yr old and he sleeps with me most nights, you do what you got to do and don’t let anybody tell you what works for your family is wrong!
I think things sometimes get taken out of context on here.

What would Supernanny say?

If I was regularly booted out of my bed for a 2 year old I would be annoyed as minimum. And I'm a women who brestfed and at the very beginning took our infant to bed with us. Don't know how your DH feels OP but it's possible that the way you are handling and catering to DS creats resentment in DH. Not a good dynamic for marriage.

So, we aren't allowed to smack children these days, and now it appears we are not supposed to shout at the little darlings either!

Heaven help us - no wonder there are so many ill disciplined and badly behaved children around these days.

I've probably shouted 3 or 4 times in the 19 years I've been a parent. Raised my voice plenty to be heard to get attention, but don't shout.

It is annoying for both of us, but can't last forever (right?). DH is really supportive of me breastfeeding, because he's read about how beneficial it is but I know he'd also support me if I chose to stop.

He stayed with ds and I last night, but ended up moving into the other bed at some point in the wee hours. Nobody kicked him out and I've told ds that if he kicks daddy he has to go to his own room now. It worked last night...

DH is quite a big guy and we only have a regular sized double bed so not really space for all of us. He prefers to go in the other bed (he doesn't like it, but the alternative is none of us get much sleep).

It's actually me who suffers most as I never get good sleep. I want to try to stop feeding in the night, but that'll take a bit of time I think. DS feeds for comfort as well as nourishment and to stop cold turkey would be as cruel as taking a favourite teddy or blankie away.

It's a constant bed-swap here and DS is nearly 6! He'll usually come into our little double but then we are all squashed so one of us will often bugger off to DS's double bed for more room and blankets.

A bit more play time for DS and DH and DH working on a firmer tone of voice rather than shouting when disciplining for a while maybe and see if things improve.

Lots of children are still breastfed at 2. IN fact, it is a very useful parenting tool in terms of providing a distraction/ comfort when the world is going a bit wrong.

OP, ignore the ignorant unicorn person. They sound very angry for no good reason that I can discern. Your toddler sounds completely and utterly normal to me.

I was listening to a thing about cow's milk allergy - sounds very unpleasant and doesn't go away for a few years, right? Breastfeeding for as long as you can sounds ideal to me.

I agree with a previous poster, your DS manipulated you into getting his cup - probably saying the first thing that came into his head. And it's worked really well because everyones got in a hoo haa about it - so he'll probably try it again. 2yr olds are quite canny.

Your DH needs to get a grip - it won't be the last time for either of you taht your child comes out with something hurtful because they don;t get thier own way. Also he needs to stop shouting - he probably doesnt realise how loud his voice sounds to a small child.

He definitely needs to stop shouting, and although I tend to agree, that ds said he was scared because he didn't want to get the cup, I think it's actually been a really good wake up call for DH.

Ravenmum, my ds's allergy consultant says that most children grow out of allergies by the time they're 5, so fingers crossed! It's not just dairy he's allergic to, also eggs, soya, wheat and nuts... so a lot to contend with and why mealtimes are sometimes quite stressful for us. We have a baked milk challenge at the hospital coming up, so hopefully he'll "pass" that and I can introduce milk slowly but he failed it last year.

I do get a bit defensive about the breastfeeding because sometimes it feels as though everyone has an opinion where really, it's no one's business but mine and my boy's! Thank you to those that have been supportive, it is really encouraging.