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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Consent to be filmed

72 replies

Smithm59 · 14/01/2018 15:43

Hi Everyone this is the first time I have ever posted on a forum but I am at my wits end today. Last night my husband filmed us having sex. He only told me afterwards. He cannot understand why I am so upset. This comes on the back of him constantly checking mt phone when i am not looking. I only know this as I have caught him at it. Am I making a big deal out of nothing.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 14/01/2018 15:46

Get it deleted now.

Then delete him from your life. You cannot trust him.

yourhavingagiraffee · 14/01/2018 15:47

Exactly what Nanny said!

Original poster
Smithm59 · 14/01/2018 15:48

Feel like crying. I have been with him for 30 years and he has always been possessive but I cant believe this new level he has stooped to. He thinks I am making a big deal about nothing.

OP posts:
Shouldileavethedogs · 14/01/2018 15:51

Delete it and report him. Wtf is he up to. Who knows where that could end up.

Huntinginthedark · 14/01/2018 15:52

I would imagine he's done this before. I can't believe it will be the only time.

I know you've been together 30 years, but you need to try and find a way out of this.
Don't just sweep it under the carpet

It's only of the biggest violations

Original poster
Smithm59 · 14/01/2018 15:53

He is my husband. Who do I report him too.

OP posts:
Shouldileavethedogs · 14/01/2018 15:58

The police. You didn't consent. Depending on what country you're in but it's called unlawful surveillance.

Polarbear46 · 14/01/2018 16:06

This is so disturbing just to imagine.

This is the man you married. He did this without your consent.
Please evaluate!

Angelf1sh · 14/01/2018 16:09

It’s completely out of order, not to mention illegal. You are not wrong in what you’re feeling.

DamnDeDoubtanceIsSpartacus · 14/01/2018 16:16

You need to see what cloud based ways he stores his pictures and delete it form there too, Google photos etc. All my films etc are automatically backed up so deleting it from the phone isn't enough. Then you need to get this man out of your life, I doubt this will be the only line he has crossed.

Moussemoose · 14/01/2018 16:18

Get it deleted. It may automatically upload to the cloud and then it is hackable by anyone.

Get it deleted now. Go and get the device it was recorded on and delete it now.

NoFanJoe · 14/01/2018 16:27

He didn't ask because you'd say no. He decided he could go ahead and do what he wanted, and you didn't count in that.
Then, he told you afterwards so he could bully you into saying it was ok ...so it'd be fine for him to do it again.

Possessive is such an understatement. You should phone the police.

ivenoideawhatimdoing · 14/01/2018 16:29

You want him out unless you personally delete it from his phone, his iCloud, his harddrive and check his outgoing messages, his texts, his emails. Every single outsource he could have it saved to and then still kick him out.

It's abuse, OP. It will get worse. Run as fast as you can.

Original poster
Smithm59 · 14/01/2018 16:45

Thanks everyone for replying. He bought a special camera with a SIM card. Can these images be stored anywhere else or is destroying the SIM card enough.

OP posts:
Polarbear46 · 14/01/2018 16:48

A special camera with SIM card. WTF?

Like, not a phone?

The SIM card with be used to give internet access, so that video can be uploaded anywhere on the net!

Did he buy this specifically for this situation?

Polarbear46 · 14/01/2018 16:49

He could even be streaming videos , if its 3G connected?!

Original poster
Smithm59 · 14/01/2018 17:01

Yes he bought it specifically for the situation. He is now saying it is my fault as he doesn't trust me. My head is fried

OP posts:
DrMorbius · 14/01/2018 17:01

This is seriously fucked up. He went out a bought a camera with the intention of filming you having sex!!!!!!!!! Why?

I would not believe he doesn't intend to share it.

I would not let him minimise this, he is totally out of order. He needs to understand he doesn't get to do shit like this. I would call the police if he doesn't get what he has done.

Lucked · 14/01/2018 17:08

I would go ballistic I would take that camera (hopefully expensive) and the SIM card and run over it with my car or pound it to pieces with a hammer.

I demand his computer password and check what was on there, if that was denied that might go under the car.

But yes you need to find out about any external hard drive or cloud and consider leaving very seriously.

Polarbear46 · 14/01/2018 17:16

Ive never heard of a camera with sim but thats not to say they arent a thing. Are you sure it wasn't a memory card? (only asking to try and eliminate the streaming thing)

This whole situation is awful, fucked up, I'm so sorry. It isn't acceptable and I'd be frightened at what else goes on in his head.

Original poster
Smithm59 · 14/01/2018 17:18

Oh god it is a memory card. Does that make a difference. Shows what I know about the damn things.

OP posts:
DamnDeDoubtanceIsSpartacus · 14/01/2018 17:22

Does anyone know what the legalities of this are?

Op do your best, just take the camera away from him. Will he leave the house?

Thingsdogetbetter · 14/01/2018 17:23

Sim cards connect online. Memory cards only store. I think.

What does he not trust you about? Very confused by his logic. He goes out, buys a special camera to film you without getting your comcemt first, and somehow he's twisting it to you being untrustworthy? ?

c3pu · 14/01/2018 17:25

Memory card makes it less likely the video is out in the public domain, but it any case the asshole HAS to go. This is totally out of order and very, very illegal.

You had a reasonable expectation to privacy, he has filmed it without your consent. Totally on the wrong side of the law. If you do report it, the police will take it seriously.

hoopieghirl · 14/01/2018 17:25

He has no respect for you or your boundaries. Make sure he deletes all pictures. You have some serious decisions about your future and your marriage x