Hi, I really need some advice. My partner is abusing me and has done for 10 years. I’m finally at the point where I can’t go on anymore.
He’s simply horrible to me everyday, says unkind things to me in front of the kids all the time. He blames me for everything that goes wrong. A recent example is Friday, he wanted to put a bid on something on eBay, I asked him his maximum bid. I entered his maximum bid seconds before the end. He didn’t win it so went absolutely mental at me calling me all sorts of nasty things. Basically he didn’t understand how ebay works. Kept telling me the item was worth X amount. He told my 6 year old I’m a druggy too during his rant. (I smoke maybe half a spliff in the garden of an evening, don’t touch anything else, alcohol included. I have give up completely now though so he can’t use it against against me). He said he was leaving but never did. Just sat there with bags packed and coat on sniping at me all night.
I could give you examples of this of about 3-4 times a week from him.
He threatens to leave me and live with his mum, but says he’s taking my 6yo daughter, splitting her up from her 9yo autistic brother (both his children). He’s done it before so I know it’s not just talk.
I’ve had police and SS involvement over the years but it’s only ever me expected to jump through hoops, never him. He’s been allowed to act in this way all his life just cuz he’s bigger and louder than most people.
My mental health has been shocking for 10 years with multiple admissions and medication regimes. My dad hated him but sadly died in August. Around the time he died I just got shouted at and made to feel like shit then too. He even brings it up now saying my dad would be ashamed of me. It hurts so much.
I work full time, he hasn’t worked in 15 years. He’s “disabled” you see. When I finish work I literally have to do everything in the house. He sits at home either sleeping or gaming all day whilst I’m at work. At weekends he has to lie in until 11 and I have to constantly try and keep the kids quiet else he gets up shouting at us all.
I wanted to visit a friend who really needed me yesterday but he wouldn’t allow it. He went to his mates interest.
He’s been violent before but hasn’t been for a while. I admit that I did something bad last year, think financial infidelity. No excuses but my mental health was exceptionally poor and I made some shocking decisions. On the front of it he forgave me but realistically he absolutely loves having yet another stick to beat me with.
I make it easy for him to be awful to me really by doing stupid things but I honestly feel he sets me up for failure. I’m desperate to go to uni and complete my Nurse training but he won’t allow it as we would lose £5000 a year. I’ve suggested he got a job but he won’t.
People think he’s a great hands on Dad but they don’t hear the way he shouts at them. Tells them to shut up then shouts at them for repeating it! He makes it clear he prefers our daughter and I know this is because my son will only ever try and stick up for me. He blames me for my son being autistic, says it’s because of my mental health. I honestly don’t think I’d have mental health problems if it wasn’t for him!
He knows I’m terrible with the finances, yet won’t take over them, he’d rather let me fuck them up so he can shout at me more.
I dread finishing work everyday. I never know if he’s going to have a go at me. He demands to drive a fast boy racer type car despite having no job, but I’m responsible for paying for it, so it’s my fault when things start to go wrong with the car.
He threatens to tell his mum what I did last year and that keeps me “in check” I really would be mortified if she found out as I’m so ashamed. He doesn’t even show remorse or apologise anymore. There are literally no redeeming features anymore. It’s my fault by default every time.
So why don’t I leave? I’m terrified. He will try and ruin my life. The flat is in my name only so could kick him out but he will take everything his mum has bought, which is more or less everything. He’d leave me without a sofa or bed, even said he’d rip up the carpets. He’d make going to Work a nightmare. I rely on him to take the kids to school and pick them up. I had 6 months off sick last year so don’t want to take the piss at work.
I’m scared as I’ve no real evidence of the abuse. It’s all emotional although there will be past reports about it as SS banned him from seeing our children for 3 months back in 2012. He convinced me and SS that he’d changed, I really believed he had. I think I’m ashamed to ask for help this time as I chose to go back to him. I’m just so afraid of the alternative.
I’m sorry this is so long, I really could go on forever about how he treats me but you get the gist.
Please can anybody advise on what to do. I’m scared he will get full custody as he is technically their main carer as I work. I can’t have my children brought up by him and my son would hate to be away from me. I feel so trapped.