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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

My husband just strangled me in front of our kids!

110 replies

Ladymess · 14/01/2018 10:51

Hello. I don't know where to turn but I'm so fed up being treated like this. He insults me with every word in the book and when we bicker back and fourth it always end up with him getting so mad and threatning to kill me. Always. Today he got so mad at me when I said that I'm tired of his threats and and I said don't ever touch me again or else.. (I know that wasn't right to say i was just so tired of the abuse) Then he jumped me and strangled me down to the floor while our boys 3 and 4 years old were screaming at him.

This is not the first time he had strangled me, this is the third time and I can feel my neck burning. I don't know what to do? I wanna leave but I'm so scared! And I dont have a job right now. I think he is probably going to kill me someday if I stay, cause he can't control his anger.

I don't know what happened, we were so happy before :(

Please sorry if the English is bad, English is not my first language.

OP posts:
WindowWiper · 14/01/2018 11:31

He's practicing to become a murderer - one day he won't need any more practise and your children will be motherless. Stark but that's the reality of your situation.

You've got options OP, take them NOW while you're still able.

LovingLola · 14/01/2018 11:32

He may kill your children too.
Get out now.

Allthewaves · 14/01/2018 11:33

phone police if you feel you can't do that get out of the house - take kids to the park and phone woman's aid.

Personally i'd be walking out and not going back but you need to decide your statergy.

DriggleDraggle · 14/01/2018 11:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

viques · 14/01/2018 11:34

The most dangerous time for a woman is when she finally decides to leave an abusive partner. So you need to call the police. NOW. When they come they need to take you partner away then you need them to stay while you pack stuff you need, as well as immediate clothes etc remember to take paperwork like birth certificates, passports, bank details, as much money as you can, bank cards if you have them. You then need to ask them to take you to a place of safety, or a trusted friend for the rest of the day. Then contact Women's Aid.

DriggleDraggle · 14/01/2018 11:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cestlavielife · 14/01/2018 11:35

Leave the hpuse with dc
Call 99
Tell them
.
They will go arrest him and . If he angry he will likely admit it. Tell police how scared you are.
Get reviewed by a doctor at a and e . Police will help you. Don't minimise.

WitchIwasaWitch18 · 14/01/2018 11:36

Mycatsapirate

Words fail me. You poor little darling. How utterly tragic.

JohnHunter · 14/01/2018 11:37

Agree with everyone else here. Threats to kill, strangulation, and violence in front of children are all very bad signs.

Call 999 and get help immediately. Neither you nor your children should remain in this environment.

FreddieClaryHorshieLion · 14/01/2018 11:37

Yes. Really, op. He will most likely end up killing you. He may also kill your children. And if he doesn’t... well, they’d be traumatised and put into care.
This situation is too dangerous to slowly get your ducks in a row. I hope you’ve already left.

If you’re in the U.K. or most other Western countries, the police will take this seriously and so will women’s aid.

Grab some money and credit cards if you can and please leave.

yawning801 · 14/01/2018 11:39

OP, this is not normal and you know it. However, your children are being taught that this is normal. If they ever find themselves in your situation, they'll think, "Well, Mummy put up with it - so I will!". Do you really want to inflict that on your kids? If you don't then listen to what everyone is telling you and go to the police.

picklemepopcorn · 14/01/2018 11:39

Police. Now. Let them worry about getting him out of the bedroom.

This isn't about whether he has a gaming addiction, this is about a man strangling someone and threatening to kill them, in front of children. You children have been damaged by him. You have been damaged. He could kill you at any time, and at some point will.

HadronCollider · 14/01/2018 11:41

You need to avoid a direct confrontation. To do that you need to either A. Phone the police to assist you to leave B. Make some excuse to leave the house, get to a safe location and call the police.

Your mistake is in thinking about future scenarios in a negative way. Just concentrate on the now which is getting yourself to safety. Money, Job. That can wait. Dont get ahead of yourself.

Dont concentrate on his threat to kill you, cause ones thing for sure if you don't leave now he'll likely end up killing you eventually anyway.

Think of the huge damage being done to the children. Don't let them see anymore violence the image stays in your mind forever. I know. My father was a wife beater.

Love2cook · 14/01/2018 11:41

You can not allow yourself and your children to be put through this. They must be terrified. Just get out right now. His violence will only get worse, never better. There is so much help for you out there and so many women in your situation. You may feel he is strong and powerful right now but I promise you he's not. You will be given a place in a women's refuge and your children will be kept with you. You will be supported and have enough money to survive until you can start again. They absolutely will not let him find you. Thinking of you and wishing you the best of luck.

WitchIwasaWitch18 · 14/01/2018 11:41

Ladymess I'm so worried for you. Where are you? I so hope the 3 of you are out of the house and getting assistance now. What part of the UK are you in?

MNHQ
LouMumsnet · 14/01/2018 11:41

OP, we're so sorry that you are going through this.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged to us we like to link to our web-guides, which we hope may be helpful. If you'd like to, please feel take a look at our Domestic Violence page.

As other posters have said, your priority now is to seek help in RL.

Very best wishes from all at MNHQ

Flowers
FreddieClaryHorshieLion · 14/01/2018 11:42

MyCats

That’s horrible.

Please OP, listen to her:

Please ring the police. He is dangerous. Want a wake up call op?

My parents were the same, always fighting, mum trying to leave with me, dad blocking her way, violent turbulent relationship.

When I was six years old, my little sister was nearly 2, I woke one morning to find a note from my dad saying that I should go to my aunts house.
My dad had strangled my mum and her body was lying on the kitchen floor. He had then left in the car and took his own life.

My sister and I were left with no parents, we were split up and adopted out separately, our lives were shattered and 43 years on we still haven't healed emotionally from the life we led as children.

If not for you, do it for your children. This man is a thug, bully and will never stop abusing you until you leave or you are dead.

This man has currently locked himself in the bedroom. You don’t know what he’s thinking, planning, what he’ll do when he’ll get out.

But he currently may not even realise that you’re putting your DC in jackets, maybe grabbing some money and walking out the front door. This is your chance. Do it right now.

Please.

Innocentinfamy · 14/01/2018 11:46

Definitely police now.
Protect your boys.
None of you deserve this.
Please do not wait for things to get worse.

MamaBearto2 · 14/01/2018 11:47

You need to report this to the police! What kind of example are you setting you sons if you continue to put up with this violence.

Stay safe OP

GeekyWombat · 14/01/2018 11:49

Thinking of you OP and hoping you’ve gone quiet because you’re ringing the police right now. You and your children deserve better than this x

AssignedPuuurfectAtBirth · 14/01/2018 11:51

@Greenicicle
There is no need for that comment. Be supportive or back off. The poster does not need this

Grammar · 14/01/2018 11:53

There is very robust evidence that abuse in the form of strangulation is a strong predictor of fatal later abuse.
Do not confront him.
Phone the police immediately. Or get to A & E if in UK. With your children. Get any I'D , warm clothes and RUN with your children. ( or wait for police but if you can , pack bags for you and the children.
I REPEAT. DO NOT CONFRONT.

Please let us know when you are safe.

YOU MUST BE FRIGHTENED. ACT ON THAT NOW.

Wanderwall · 14/01/2018 11:59

Get you and the kids out of there. Protect yourself and them.

QueenNefertitty · 14/01/2018 12:01

I'm in therapy- still- after watching my stepfather strangle and beat my mother when I was 9 years old. She tried to stab him, and threw the knife after him in the street. She sent me to retrieve it in the dark later.

It's not the only time it happened, but that's the one that did the real damage.

I now have a DS, but the trauma of my childhood resulted in post partum anxiety and ocd, destroyed my relationship with my DP (there were other issues, but it was a big factor) and has truly tainted my life.

Even if you don't give a shit about yourself, leave for your kids. Letting them see this is abuse, plain and simple.

I hope you find the strength to leave.

Truthstar · 14/01/2018 12:08

I get the sense you are not going to leave? I know its scary and complicated and your mind will go through all the downsides of leaving.
Please Get out today . Report this and use the support thats there.
He has strangled you before
Your neck is burning today from the strangling
He could have killed you
Your children could be motherless
This is life and death

Ring the police. Now. One phone call.
Ring them please x