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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

My husband just strangled me in front of our kids!

110 replies

Ladymess · 14/01/2018 10:51

Hello. I don't know where to turn but I'm so fed up being treated like this. He insults me with every word in the book and when we bicker back and fourth it always end up with him getting so mad and threatning to kill me. Always. Today he got so mad at me when I said that I'm tired of his threats and and I said don't ever touch me again or else.. (I know that wasn't right to say i was just so tired of the abuse) Then he jumped me and strangled me down to the floor while our boys 3 and 4 years old were screaming at him.

This is not the first time he had strangled me, this is the third time and I can feel my neck burning. I don't know what to do? I wanna leave but I'm so scared! And I dont have a job right now. I think he is probably going to kill me someday if I stay, cause he can't control his anger.

I don't know what happened, we were so happy before :(

Please sorry if the English is bad, English is not my first language.

OP posts:
Greenicicle · 14/01/2018 11:15

This reply has been deleted

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WitchIwasaWitch18 · 14/01/2018 11:17

Get out Lady. Now while he is in the bathroom. Coats on. Money in your pocket and credit cards if you have them. Quietly. Outside the house phone the police and start walking away. Leave the stuff it doesn't matter. Get yourself and the dc away NOW. Where abouts are you?

Emmageddon · 14/01/2018 11:17

Another vote to call the police NOW! They will help get you and the children to a place of safety. Don't feel sorry for him when he's sobbing on his knees, he's violent, unpredictable and dangerous. For your own sake and for the sake of your children, make that call. Please.

KayaG · 14/01/2018 11:18

Please call the police. One day he will kill you.

JustAnIdiot · 14/01/2018 11:18

It's "your fault" he hurts you because you "make him angry" - this is typically how abusers justify their awful behaviour.

Not your fault. Get out, please.

Blackteadrinker77 · 14/01/2018 11:18

www.victimsupport.org.uk/help-and-support

If you won't ring the police at least ring victim support for advice.

Think that your husband is teaching your beautiful sons how to treat woman and you validate that by showing them he gets no consequences.

Nanny0gg · 14/01/2018 11:18

Stop posting here until you've rung the police.

Then come back for advice and help.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 14/01/2018 11:18

Lady My sister was in absolutely your position; her ex was a complete psycho behind closed doors. She didn't leave him because she was afraid of what he would do.

I won't lie to you. When eventually she plucked up courage she had a hairy year or so where she lived in fear of him. But he gradually moved on and it got better day by day. He has his own life now and they are civil to each other.

My sister has a pretty good life now. Sadly I think her boys are very fucked up. She wishes she had left earlier.

jusdepamplemousse · 14/01/2018 11:19

get your kids, get out, get the police.

then figure out what comes after.

be strong, I’m so sorry he’s done this to you. it’s not your fault and it’s not fair, but you have to be strong and you have to protect your kids. Flowers

InsomniacAnonymous · 14/01/2018 11:20

Now's your chance to get yourself and your children to safety. Don't waste it, you may not get another. Seriously. Don't hesitate. Your children are in danger too so please make sure they're safely with you.

glitterbiscuits · 14/01/2018 11:21

For the sake of your children you MUST leave.

He does not deserve you but they do.

Contact the Police, women’s aid, your family.

Life will be bumpy for a while but it will improve

Jozxyqk · 14/01/2018 11:22

Please do call the police now. If you are along walk away from the station, are you friends with anyone locally, could you go to a friend's house to wait for the police? Your DH will potentially kill you one day, possibly in front of your sons. You have to protect yourself & them.

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 14/01/2018 11:23

If you can take the children out somewhere safe and public like a shopping centre you could call the police and they will have someone trained in helping with these issues that they can put you in touch with.

Women's aid might be able to house you if you have citizenship but there will be some kind of solution to get you into a safer situation than your current one.

There are people whose job it is to help women and children in exactly this situation. Let them help you.

daydreamnation · 14/01/2018 11:24

My friend witnessed her father kill her Mum, it has destroyed her life. She is amazing, a real survivor but will never have children of her own and understandably has huge mental health issues.
Who will raise and love your dc if you are murdered? You are all in danger, call the police and get out today, get out now Thanks

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 14/01/2018 11:25

Call the Police now !
Your little children need you, if you're not around, they will become his next victims.
Women's aid will help, advise and support you.
Do not underestimate your Husband and his threats.
We are here for you, ring now.

hellsbellsmelons · 14/01/2018 11:25

Call 999
If you really can't do that then keep trying Women's Aid 0808 2000 247
You poor sons will mirror this behaviour when they are older.
This will be their normal unless YOU put a stop to it.
Get out and do it fast.
Stop listening to his bullshit.
He's a bully.
And an abuser.

CharizMa · 14/01/2018 11:26

Please leave.

My x put his hands around my throat and squeezed once and it was the turning point for me. My DC weren't watching luckily but he told me ''you have no idea how much I want to kill you''.

I feared I'd end up dead if I didn't leave.

If English isn't your first language then I presume you don't have parents round to go back to.

Please go to a police station and tell them what happened and let them sort everything out. Don't worry about anything other than your safety right now. Everything else can be sorted out in time. I know I worried about trivial things like changing schools and what people would think and a million other issues which will not matter a year from now. But act now because the longer you put up with it the harder it is to leave. Your subconscious starts dialoguing with you, telling you ''well you put up with this last month and last week, so what's different NOW, why leave now?'' and you start feeling like it would be ludicrously dramatic to leave.

So leave now while you're still outraged and shocked. Act now. Cos I promise you the shock will be replaced by a anaesthesia.

namechange2222 · 14/01/2018 11:27

Please please get out of the house now and call the police, phone 999. Don't mess about just say 'My partner has just attempted to strangle me' I promise they will come immediately. I'm imagining you're swayed as he's currently in the bedroom and you may feel safe. I promise you you're not. Violence always escalates. You need to get yourself and your babies safely away from this man. He will be arrested and you can get back in the house. He will more than likely be bailed not to come near you and in that time you speak with Womens Aid and they will guide you through the next steps.

FreddieClaryHorshieLion · 14/01/2018 11:27

Go ‘shopping/to the park/to your MIL’ with your children.

Go to the next station as son as you’re out of the house. Take money (bank cards etc) with you if you can.

You have to leave him. For yourself and your boys.

MammaTJ · 14/01/2018 11:27

Did you call the police?

MycatsaPirate · 14/01/2018 11:28

Please ring the police. He is dangerous.

Want a wake up call op?

My parents were the same, always fighting, mum trying to leave with me, dad blocking her way, violent turbulent relationship.

When I was six years old, my little sister was nearly 2, I woke one morning to find a note from my dad saying that I should go to my aunts house.

My dad had strangled my mum and her body was lying on the kitchen floor. He had then left in the car and took his own life.

My sister and I were left with no parents, we were split up and adopted out separately, our lives were shattered and 43 years on we still haven't healed emotionally from the life we led as children.

If not for you, do it for your children. This man is a thug, bully and will never stop abusing you until you leave or you are dead.

LovelyBranches · 14/01/2018 11:28

Op are you out yet?

CharizMa · 14/01/2018 11:29

ps, just walk out the door.

I left with a buggy and two ruck sacks and everything was ok. I have solid ground beneath my feet now (and have done for a long time).
you can start again.

It's scary to leave but there is a system in place and if you are honest and tell the police and seek the help that is out there then you will be ok.

BakedBeans47 · 14/01/2018 11:30

You’ve got to get out. You must do it for the children as well as yourself. Call the police. They will help you.

FreddieClaryHorshieLion · 14/01/2018 11:31

If you can’t go to the station.... leave the house and call them.

They will take this seriously. Choking is one of the most common behaviours that indicate muderous intent.
Don’t stay. The likelihood of him killing you is too high.

You have to get out and tell the police everything.

Are you in the U.K.?

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