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Original poster

Getting ones own back

92 replies

KnittyNattyNoo · 10/01/2018 18:42

Ive been inbed -ill with flu -and have been on MN as its a great time waster! All these threads about the OW made me think about my ex and his OW over 20 years ago..Anyhow I found her on Facebook and had an urge to message her and tell her I'd been sleeping with her husband - who she looks very happy with along with 2 lovely daughters.

She ruined my life, and I so want to ruin hers...stop me someone...!

OP posts:
Offred · 13/01/2018 12:10

Fitbit - being ‘named and shamed’ as a cheat is a totally different thing to 20 years later actually committing a crime out of spite and revenge that is intended to destroy the lives of an entire family.... Don’t you think?

IMO the person here who is being ‘oblivious’ to their bad behaviour is the OP.

Tartypants · 13/01/2018 12:33

I think part of what makes letting cheating go hard is that unlike many other things people do to you knowing they will hurt you, its not a crime (not saying it should be). The perps massively hurt OP and her DC, and....nothing. Off they ride into the sunset. Ah well, it's love and that happens, obviously, the OP is expected to just retreat into the shadows and get on with bringing up his kids (all 18 years of it for one of them) so their love can flourish.
If you got burgled 20 years ago, if the police somehow caught them, they would still get done. Don't think people would think that's unreasonable and nutty to think that should happen.
Yeah - still don't do it though! You did get your lovely DC out of the relationship so it's not all bad.

Offred · 13/01/2018 13:10

Cheating and being a shit parent are two separate things though (though they go hand in hand with many dysfunctional people). You don’t only have to be responsible for your children when you are in a relationship with their other parent.

This is why it makes little sense to project these feelings onto an affair partner.

Cheating is one thing. Being a shit parent is a whole other massively worse thing and the OW/OM didn’t cheat on you, that was your OH.

IME what gives you the best life after being cheated on is remembering this and behaving as though the OW/OM doesn’t actually exist in your universe.

juneisthemonth · 13/01/2018 13:40

@KnittyNattyNoo your hilarious! I've though about that in the past, or getting some shit sent to her front door lol. Why shouldn't you be allowed those thoughts when someone wrecked your life. But don't act on them lol it will make you appear nuts 😂

loveablether · 13/01/2018 13:46

You do know that fb stalking results in your profile being in the 'people you may know' section. You need to watch frozen and let it go.

Theshipsong · 13/01/2018 14:27

Don’t do this. It will not make you feel better. At the very least, wait until a month’s time and see how you feel when you are feeling well again and are busy with living your life. You will feel differently.

In the meantime start looking up interior design/clothing/evening courses to take your mind off it or better still turn off the laptop altogether.

BhajiAllTheWay · 13/01/2018 14:30

Gosh really? Is that true about the fb stalking?? I didn't realise having a nosey at a profile was traceable in that way...
Anyway....OP I wouldn't do it. 20 years ago now...its a long time. How's your life now? I always think the very best revenge for exes is to let them see you've moved on and that your life is better than ever ( without them). You've come this far and survived, write them off.

Angelf1sh · 13/01/2018 14:43

Yes Fitbit, if you think this is a good idea then you need therapy. This happened 20 years ago!! If it was yesterday it would be entirely understandable but it’s 20 years ago!! It’s unhealthy and frankly unhinged.

Whocansay · 13/01/2018 15:42

If anyone wrecked your relationship, it was your ex. Remember that social media works both ways, and whilst you want to damage her life with a lie, if she decides to fight fire with fire, you will come out of this rather worse.

I think it worrying that you are still obsessed with this woman after 20 years. Have you ever had therapy?

RainyApril · 13/01/2018 15:58

She's not still obsessed with this after 20 years. OP said she's in bed with flu and the vast numbers of ow threads at the moment made her think of it again.

Op, I'm fully behind the idea of revenge. I like the idea of a shitty person never fully being able to relax. But sadly I can't condone this because of her innocent dh and dc, keep thinking.

Offred · 13/01/2018 19:07

People who take revenge are shitty people though....

RainyApril · 13/01/2018 21:16

Alright I'll call it restorative justice, borne out of feeling helpless in the face of intentional hurt. The desire for the person who hurt you to come to understand, personally, that their actions were wrong is natural imo.

Liara · 13/01/2018 21:19

If you do it you will confirm all her beliefs about how unhinged you are and how your poor ex could was so much better off without you.

Just so you know.

Offred · 13/01/2018 21:24

People don’t come to understand their actions were wrong through being the target of revenge. It often has the opposite effect of giving an excuse to believe that whatever they did was acceptable because the vengeful person is clearly so horrible/crazy.

People who have affairs are not often intending to hurt others.

They mostly are at worst reckless re others being hurt.

‘Restorative justice’ has nothing to do with revenge, restorative justice usually involves some kind of mutually constructive dialogue between the person doing the hurting and the person who has been hurt.

Isetan · 13/01/2018 21:31

So what terrible revenge have you meted out against your Ex? Probably none right, sane enough to not want blow back on yourself. Framing an innocent man and throwing a grenade into his life and that of his children that’s not revenge, that’s just malicious cowardice.

I’m sorry your Ex was a shit of the highest order but if it wasn’t the OW, he would no doubtedly have been ‘pursued’ by other vaginas.

The ends don’t justify the means, no matter how justified you think it is.

Isetan · 13/01/2018 21:33

You were married to a shit, the OW didn’t take your man, she took your problem.

Fitbitironic · 13/01/2018 22:50

Fitbit - being ‘named and shamed’ as a cheat is a totally different thing to 20 years later actually committing a crime out of spite and revenge that is intended to destroy the lives of an entire family.... Don’t you think?

offred (and angelfish) the comment I made about maybe ppl thinking twice about doing shitty things if they knew they would be named and shamed was more along the lines of that happening at the time it was found out, not saved up for a convenient revenge later!

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