i think i'm in an abusive relationship

[Jadexxx]

Hi ladies, this is my first time posting i'm 20 years old with a beautiful 4 month old girl, the reason for my post is my relationship. i've been with my partner (he's 30) for 2 years now, and things have gotten progressively worse, i'm called names all the time, made to feel useless and ugly. I'm mixed race and he's called me a 'fat n*gga' on many occasions. He has called me fat saggy and disgusting and lots of other things and has grabbed me round the throat a few times and spat on me. 4 days after i gave birth he said i looked vile whilst in labour and that he and the midwife were secretly laughing at me :( . i don't want to be with this man anymore but every time i've tried to leave he tells me i'm being pathetic and overreacting, then he cries and begs me not to take his daughter away and i give in :( his mother also agreed with him and says i'm too young to understand a proper relationship but surely a proper relationship is with love and respect and not one half of it feeling depressed most of the time? i don't think i'd be here anymore if it wasn't for my daughter. i don't really know what i'm looking for maybe just advice on how to leave or what to do, and maybe a bit of reassurance that this actually is an abusive relationship? thanks in advance for any replies.

You are doing fantastic Jadexxx and are very brave! It's really hard right now for you, but it will get easier. Keeping your power and being strong can become a habit, just like being a doormat is (not an insult, I've been a doormat before and it is very hard to break that habit, but it can be done). Just focus on your baby and the life that you want for you and her, and be very protective of your 'line in the sand' IYKWIM. Honestly you are blowing me away with how you are facing this (I took far too long), so please be very proud of yourself

You’re doing incredibly well. You should be super proud of yourself!

He’s saying those things to try and guilt trip you, he’s using it as a way in - but fortunately you’ve cottoned onto that and aren’t falling for it. So don’t let him make you feel guilty. He’s the guilty party here. If he hadn’t been abusive and had been a decent partner, he wouldn’t be in the situation he is in, so he has nobody to blame but himself. You are being a good mother by taking your daughter out of that situation and out of harms way.

He’s an abusive bully, plain and simple and now he’s finally facing the consequences of his abusive actions. That’s his problem, not yours or your daughters.

Stay strong and keep going forward. You have done the right thing and are doing amazingly well!

Well done.
Hopefully SS will be helpful.
You've come so far in such a short time.
You should be very proud of yourself.
Keep going and keep strong.

your daughter doesnt need an obnoxious racist abuser as a dad. You are doing her a favour, not taking anything of value away from her. You are protecting her, because the way he talks to you, will be the way he talks to her as she grows up and starts answering back.

Keep talking to us, we’re open 24/7. High or low, keep talking. His appalling behaviour has brought nim here, not you. Well done you!!!!