Do you think most women would be OK with supporting a SAHP?

[strengthandhonor]

Most men seem to have no issue with it, it's basically a given if they make enough to get by. Do you think most women in the same situation (her earnings being high enough for the whole family) would see things the same way?

Depends on the partner. Not the one I have he would be micromanaging the house and kids to an unbearable degree!

We both work full time. His salary would allow me not to work or to work part time but it is so unstable that we have never been able to take the risk of me stopping work and him then being made redundant.

I resent that. I would really have liked to be part time whilst DC small.

I don't resent him, to clarify. I resent his employers who talk a good game about family friendly policies but don't walk the walk.

Ben , i think uou move in circles that are fairly small in terms of the population. Very few people go back to work after five years to an increased salary. In fact it's normally the opposite. And to know so many stay at home dads in the brackets you mention is also very unusual.

I would as long as it was a proper stay at home set up where he carried the mental strain, remember stuff like new shoes, finger nails, hair cuts, dentist, had play dates, carted them to clubs and did the majority of cooking cleaning (but not all)

But as it is I didn't earn enough and he didn't earn enough so I work part time and do all the above and he works even more and does very little of the the above

I see it as a team playing different supporting roles for the good of tge family.
I would love to have worked f t whilst oh was a sahp. But he earned more than double as a manager vs me as admin.
Plus i hated admin so didnt feel as if i was giving up a career.
So i was the sahm.
I work pt now but will return to ft.
I wish i coukd earn enough to give my dh a break.

For us it has worked really well. I stayed home when the DC were small, then went to work FT once youngest in pre-school. At the time it became apparent one of us needed to stay home (5 and 10 year olds) it was a question of who could earn more. That turned out to be me, so DH quit his job. Several reasons, but he is an artist so could potentially still earn something while being home. He is also a really great cook, and I'm pretty garbage at the cooking/shopping side of things. DC are now grown, but my job became more stressful/long working hours/lots of travel and higher earnings, so really no need for him to go out to work. He has had a small business for several years, making enough to pay for his hobby :) I love coming home to a cooked meal, and being taken care of. We could not have kept up the home life, nor the relationship, if we both had jobs that took so much out of us. Best decision we've made for our lives. Works for us!

We are aiming to do this this year

In RL I find an awful lot of women (even those who are very well educated and who may have had well paid professional jobs before children) expect the man to be the breadwinner.

I had a very depressing conversation with SIL at Christmas about how DB needs to earn more money because they are struggling to afford their lifestyle. The thought that she might get a job (youngest child is 8) to support the family was an entirely foreign thought!

I don't think I'm cut out to be a full time SAHP. If my DH wanted to be a SAHP and I earned enough then I like to think I'd support that. As it is, both of us support each other in wanting to work as well as raise our child.

I wouldn't be happy to no

No I wouldn't and wouldn't expect my DH to keep me either regardless of salary.

I like a partnership where we both do equal, both work, both parent and both look after the house. I don't want my children to think only one sex works so we wouldn't choose a SAHP option.

I don't think most men have no issue with it, I think a lot don't get a choice in the matter. Plenty on here advocate not returning to work regardless of the mans opinion.

'I would as long as it was a proper stay at home set up where he carried the mental strain, remember stuff like new shoes, finger nails, hair cuts, dentist, had play dates, carted them to clubs and did the majority of cooking cleaning (but not all) '

This.

Mine doesn’t have what it takes to be a SAHP otherwise I’d be all for it.

I certainly wouldn't. I saw the impact being the only earning parent had on a friend of mine. Her husband was ostensibly a SAHD to their school going child. I wondered what he did beyond moan. They've since left the country and I wonder what he will bring to the party. I hope he shows up and finally earns some money so she can eliminate a bit of the stress of being the only one with a salary.

I am by far the higher earner in our marriage, and we could easily afford for DH to be a SAHP, but he would not want it and I would not support it even if he did.

FWIW, I wouldn't choose to be a SAHP either. I have no issue at all with others organising their lives in whatever way suits them best, but that division of labour wouldn't work for us. I would resent being the only earner. We're both happier when all of the responsibilities are shared.

We did try DH being at home for a few months after moving house when dd was still very young, but tbh neither of us felt that there was any tangible benefit to her in having a parent at home - there was just a bit less housework to do in the evenings and at weekends.

SAHP are all different. Men and women can both be useless. They can both be fantastic too.

I'm due in 3 weeks, my partner who is disabled anyway (but stubborn) lost his job due to his disability. So I'll be going back to work fairly early after having baby and he Will stay at home. He already does loads of housework etc. He's fantastic, he does everything he physically can do. I have no problem with being the bread winner when he's happy to do a lot of the house work etc (he likes keeping busy) obviously there's stuff he can't do but he manages most things. He also has children from previous relationship so he's more experienced than me with children 😂

Bluntness you’re right, being a SAHP can be a difficult choice. Not everyone is in a position to take the risk or make that choice. We’ve been very fortunate.

I just don’t like the idea (regularly expressed on MN) that SAHP are unambitious/lazy/being “kept” regardless of whether the person is male or female.

Families make decisions on how best to structure their lives as a whole group. I don’t think we should judge individuals based on the choices they make on behalf of their family.

There’s no “one right way” to organise your family.

I would never encourage any parent, male or female, to be a SAHP. I think it is better for people to retain some financial independence in case of death or divorce.

DH and I both work PT, I earn more than him but have chosen to work PT so we both have flexibility at work rather than one of us having all the childcare responsibilities and the subsequent impact on their career.

I wouldn't want to but, then again, I wouldn't want anyone to support me as a SAHP either.

My DH is a SAHP. To his step kids. It works very well between us, I work full time as a manager and he is at home if the kids need to come home sick, be there when they get in and does a good amount of the housework. He wasn't working when I met him, however it was for valid reasons and has worked hard in the past (head chef).

Mm. I love being the breadwinner for my family in a way that might seem very "masculine" to some.

My husband stays at home with our son (and soon, another son as well -- and maybe a third child eventually, though this depends on a few factors). I have a remote position, so I work from home. He does the chores (except cooking, because I'm universally acknowledged as the better cook in the house!).

We plan to home educate. My husband has a credential from one of the top graduate programs in his field and is very talented and intelligent. I have no doubt that my husband will be an excellent home educator, and no real desire to have him return to work -- maybe part-time, at some point? But truthfully, the field he is qualified in is so demanding that part-time positions are extremely scarce. As long as I'm able, I'd rather just be the person supporting my family.

I've also made sure to obtain life insurance policies that take into account my status as sole wage-earner. If I were to die, my husband and sons could still live exactly the life I have always imagined for them (home education, trips abroad, a stable home) without my husband having to return to work.

I think, judging by reactions here and elsewhere, that my particular flavor of breadwinning is considered highly unusual for women. But the truth is, I dated several rich and/or ambitious men before I chose my brilliant-but-unambitious-and-unassuming husband. Rich/ambitious men expected me to give up pieces of myself to satisfy their ambitions, and I'm too much the natural leader in relationships to be okay with that.

I'm comfortable with who I am and what my own preferences are, but it took finding a man whose father had also stayed at home to have a relationship stick. Previous men became cocklodgers because they hadn't seen a man modeling good behavior for their whole childhood. My MIL is an incredible woman who has had an amazing career saving the lives of some of the most vulnerable humans alive, and FIL is a brilliant-but-unambitious creative type who adores her and the kids/grandkids, does the housework, and manages many of the family social interactions.

I can't imagine being this happy with a partner who was working full-time.

No I wouldn't like it, but only because DH is a lazy arse and would leave housework and other stuff for me to do.

I wouldn't be okay with it. But I wouldn't be okay with being a SAHM ever, either. So it's equal work for both of us all the way.

Not for me. ...but I wouldn't want to be a SAHM either.

It's my view that situations of dependency can give rise to contempt.

I don't want to be financially dependent on another adult and I don't want another adult financially depending on me.

I've seen it cause problems too many times.