The Brave Babes Battle Bus - New year, old battles, big resolve

[SweetLathyrus]

Hi, I'm SweetLathyrus, Sweet for short, and I've been on and off Gerald the Brave Babes Battle Bus for years, so this time it's me standing in for our wonderful Mouse to invite you on board.

The bus is a place of support, safety and occasional silliness for those of us struggling with our relationship with alcohol. Some of us are sober, some are trying to be, some are moderating and aren't ready to give up alcohol just yet.

So whatever your reason for questioning the whys and WTFs of your drinking, hop on board, make yourselves comfortable and join in.

If you want to see what it's like, here's the link to the last thread, the one that saw us through Christmas.

And if you want to know how it all started, here is the link to JWN's original, inspiring thread.

Join us on our journey, you won't regret it.

dry - totally get my approach is not for all, or possibly not for many. We each have our own path to take and to decide what we can and can't do.

It works for me but I realise for lots of people it won't / doesn't...I believe that AA says if you switch your drinks then that is still a sign of ongoing alcoholism. I don't believe it, but I can see why they say it.

Twattage13 and ma I did post to you both but forgot to embold your names!
Hugs.x

I saw it - hugs back spring :). x

Hi everyone - Happy Birthday weekend dementedma I hope you have a brilliant time.

I would also like to moderate but am not sure it will be possible. As I have said before, I am going to try to only drink outside the home for now and see how that goes.

Didn't drink last night as ferrying DS17 around to and from hedonistic house party. The old me would probably have made him get the bus and then the nightbus rather than give up my drinking but I was quite happy to volunteer as then I knew I wouldn't drink.

sweet so you work in HE? I am College Leadership Team in Further Education (not using Acronyms as it's could be seen as rude) and I love my job but there's no doubt the stress is part of my drinking problem.

twatbear It's good you kept your cool with that work situation and didn't go all grizzly bear on their arses. Just store it up for future use.

@BernieBear please come back - we don't care if you have been norty or had a relapse. No bear is perfect.

Loubilou09 i havent heard of Madam Secretary what's it about? I need something new.

Saywhen it is a US based drama about a woman who becomes the Secretary of State, has had a previous political career, then turned to Academia and was asked to do the SofS role by the President, she has a family which she is managing and there are all sorts of diplomatic situations which she is navigating around as she learns the role - looks like it could turn out to be very good without making you think too hard. A bit "homeland/greys/house of cards (but not as difficult to follow)" I think I am going to really enjoy it!

Happy birthday Ma! Mint, what a lovely picture! and well done to all of you managing to meet your goals whether that be abstinence, moderation, or just cutting down.

I joined the bus some months ago, and was trying to cut down/moderate. I have been sticking to no alcohol Monday to Thurs and, given the amount I was consuming daily, that made a big difference. So much so that I impertinently awarded myself a go with the smock of smug at one point

However, I was still getting pissed at the weeekends - other than one weekend off.... strangely enough I can't remember when

I started doing dry Jan and am now on day 13 and have no desire to drink. Reading through the old threads has helped me to realise that I have a serious problem and that moderating may not/probably isn't/isn't for me (that last bit is what was going through my head as I tried to decide which words to use...)

Someone who can drink moderately will have one glass and then not think about it. To manage to do that I have to think very hard and exercise enormous self control - and even then I usually fail and have the whold bottle (at least). That's not how it works for normal/non-alcoholic folk is it?

Hi all - am just popping in to say Happy Birthday to the lovely Ma (fills bus with gaudy, glittery balloons and party poppers and a big banner saying Happy Birthday). Hope you have a good one lovely lady xxx

Cannot believe how fast the bus is going at the moment (who the hell is driving, Lewis Hamilton? - hope not actually, tax-dodging wanker). Day 13 here. I am reading along and quietly cheering you all on, but have not had time to post. Ridiculously busy at work and very stressed - basically I work all day, go to the gym at some point, make dinner if I'm home on time, sort the kids out with lifts and do more work. And then some more. Working this evening (Saturday night, I know how to live!) and it is pissing me off mightily but I work for a very small consultancy and it is hard to say no. At least I'm doing Dry January as if I was drinking I would not be able to cope at all (and would most likely be drinking way too much due to the stress!)

Regarding the moderation vs abstinence debate ... so far I have just told people I am doing Dry January, but I am not sure if going back to drinking is for me. In common with lots of you, I find it ridiculously hard to moderate - it is a huge mental effort. Wine is the worst for me too. I literally do not have an off button with it. All the times I have been a total mess and ended up with a two day hangover and crippling anxiety it has been from wine. But I don't like beer much and am trying to lose weight so reluctant to drink cider.

I have decided not to drink at home again - and was pretty well on with that goal before Christmas - but socially I will find it hard to tell people I don't drink. I am worried they will think I am boring. Most of my friendships centre round meeting for a meal and drinks. Even the friends I have made in the gym! I realise this is childish but it is a real barrier to me stopping.

Anyway, off to pick up DS now and make dinner - after making DD a sandwich and then dropping her off round the corner from where I am going to get DS only 30 minutes ago - I am just a maid/chef/taxi driver Then back to work for me so will be popping in here later as a distraction!

Hope you all have lovely Saturday evenings planned and so sorry not to NC or send any personal responses but the bus is so crowded at the moment I'd be shouting above the din! Great to see so many of us together helping each other through January though - you are all inspirational!

Happy birthday ma 🎁🎂

thank you all for the birthday wishes. I share a birthday with the wonderful mouse so hopefully she will be along tomorrow to share all the good wishes. Well we had dinner tonight and there was Prosecco and there was elderflower presse. It literally came down to being handed a glass and dd saying "which do you want?".....eek!
i had the elderflower. day 13 done.

Ooh Ma well done on having the elderflower! That took some willpower - you ROCK!!!! Special birthday Smock of Smug Frock of Fabulousness for you this evening AND a blinging sparkly Tiara of Tremendousness with flashing lights!

Wow, well done Ma! Fabulous sober birthday wishes to you and mouse, who I don't think I've 'spoken to' before, but feel I am getting to know by reading back through the threads. BTW, I haven't got up to the bit where you first post yet Ma

oooh a Tiara of Tremendousness. love it!

flowers it will be a very different ma posting to the person I am now, i can assure you of that. Am slightly tempted to go back and re-read but it would be too embarrassing - and bring back a lot of bad memories of a crappy time in my life. I like this new, confident sober ma. This worm has turned.

OK, I shall bear that in mind. Fab that you have made the journey to your new, confident sober self, swanning around in your well-deserved frock and taira

That's what I want too. Sobriety. I realised some time ago that I enjoy not drinking. I am now also beginning to understand that I don't really enjoy drinking, I just thought I did.

Look at you - inspiring people even on your birthday!

I normally lurk on the thread silently cheering you all on, but Looking and anyone else who is worried that not drinking will affect friendships - it shouldnt! And if it does, its probably people who you dont want to be friends with!

At some point or another over the last 10 years, theres been people in my friend group who have not been drinking for one reason or another (including me) and to be honest the biggest thing is just how you approach it. I've had big nights out dancing and being ridiculous until 2am completely sober and had a wonderful time, so have my friends. Fancy dinners with mocktails means you just get to enjoy the food that much more.

So here's one voice to say you can still have a smashing social life as a non-drinker :D

And as Twattage alluded to, I sometimes even enjoy being the person out at the pub drinking tea ;)

Hello again all, old and new. Happy birthday mouse and Ma, looking good in the frock and tiara! Well done on lucky day 13.

After December clinging to the bumper of the sidecar, I fully intended to do dry January, but pushed the “fuck it” button. No good reason, apart from I convinced myself that I needed wine to numb the pain of my WB of a husband being off work for another week. It didn’t work.

So I started on Tuesday 9th and have just completed day 5, my longest stretch for a few years. I can’t remember the last time I didn’t drink on a Friday or Saturday. But it’s ok, and watching the WB get more and more pissed, slurring his words and laughing maniacally at shite on TV is strengthening my resolve. I’m aiming to not drink during January, then take it from there.

Watch this space........

ma you did amazingly well to resist that, although you do know that first taste would not have been magical nectar, it would have tasted sour and metallic, and you'd have been sooooo disappointed. Now you'll wake up on your birthday morning knowing you did it. Have a great day tomorrow xx

HAPPY birthday to Ma!!! Look at you all sparkly and twirly in your frock and tiara with your elderflower fizz!!!! Well done! Sounds like you are in a contented place right now - bless you, and sounds like you've had some nice pampering too.
Sorry I'm rubbish at name checking everyone- I do read all posts and catch up on the daily musings.

At the end of day 61. Today had not been a good day and I'm feeling rather low. After today the "drinking Bee" would have opened the wine so fast and it wouldn't have touched the sides, believe you me. So ..... without the numbing effect of alcohol to get through I've just really been "feeling" everything a bit more...if that makes sense.....just feeling low and a bit tearful and emotional I guess. My BoyTribe have been such hard work today... and husband been acting like a twat aswell......
I've got a 10k race tomorrow, here's hoping I can drag myself out of the misery pit for 9.30am hey!! Xxx
Love and blessings to everyone, good job we've got a tile decker bus- it's rammed!!!
..

Triple it wouldn't be me without one decent typo per post would it now

Anitt thank you for posting. I know you are making sense, I just need to get past myself and my own stupid thoughts IYSWIM. I must have been out sober before as I didn't put myself under house arrest when I was pregnant, though I do remember one occasion at a birthday party in a hotel, when everyone was pissed by 5pm and I was so bored I ate the whole buffet! Literally stood there all night hoovering up sausage rolls! I recently read Claire Pooley's book and started following her Sober Mummy blog and she is testament to the fact you can have a good time sober. I just need to do it a few times. And stop worrying what people think of me, which is hard.

Bee good luck with your 10k tomorrow. Sorry you have felt tearful today but I bet you will feel amazing after your run. Exercise has increasingly had that effect on me. I am not good at abstaining from anything whether it be alcohol or food, without some sort of displacement activity. So now I have decided that I will use exercise to de-stress. Wednesday was a particularly horrible day at work and was dying for a drink, but went to a Step class instead (I know, retro!!) and it made me feel great. I am up early for Circuits and Spin in the morning before tackling my day (which involves a small child's birthday party, more taxi-ing my kids, more work!!!) so I shall think of you on your 10k. Enjoy!

Slings I hear you re: annoying husbands. Right now I am trying to finish some work and I can hear my WB shouting at Match of the Day. Moron. They can't hear you, you colossal dickhead!

Waves to Venus and Lux and heads off back to the grindstone (you would not believe how boring my current work project is!)

I am a lurker that takeS so much from everything u guys post. I was doing dry jan and i drank tonight. Im annoyed with myself. I wish i was expressing myself better 🙈

Thanks to all who have shared their stories regarding abstinence/moderation. I went for a "special" meal out yesterday and had a glass of red. Realise I am flying by the seat of my pants doing this so back on being totally dry for today. I'm over-analysing this. This is what I do and partly why I drink. Gahhh - shut up brain. Onwards ladies.
starsandmoons you are in the same boat as me. Don't be annoyed, just jump back on it today and all will be well.

Just written a long post for it to get lost with DS climbing on me. Try again.

Clara and Stars Think of it as doing 12 days out of 13 or however many. All's not lost by having one drink.

Happy birthday Ma and Mouse!

Ma I hope you're really proud of yourself for last night.

I'm feeling quite inspired to try night time socialising without drinking. Work are going out on the 21st. They know I'm doing DJ and actually said 'ohh you won't be able to come on the 21st then'

I had to go to bed at 7.15 with DS last night. 2nd day no vaping/smoking so I was craving something. Even the gin in the cupboard was starting to look appealing. Day 13 was done though.

Hope everyone's doing ok today. Need to think of somewhere cheap and interesting to take DS. Yesterday we went to a local bird place and he made a feeder/fed the ducks etc. It was good but cold. We made gingerbread again then. The child's obsessed!

Morning all - happy birthday ma.

Day 14 dawns - the last time I didn't drink for two weeks would have been Feb 2014!

looking I do know what you mean about social situations. The reason i started moderating after 11 months entirely sober (TBH I didn't know if I could at that point) was because I moved abroad by myself for work and I felt it was going to be v challenging to be entirely sober and to establish any form of friendship group. The place I went to live is not like the UK in terms of heavy drinking, but it does revolve around beers out etc. So I decided to try it and I found I could happily moderate. Had that not been the case I had resolved to again stop completely.

Equally, prior to that as anitt says, I had nothing at all and was absolutely fine. You will need to take a little look at your friends' reactions when you go out with out booze. Anyone who is a proper friend will have no issue, but it will shine a light on anyone else with problematic drinking and they may not react well.

I have lost one friend since I stopped drinking - she was my old white wine mucker. Ultimately it actually wasn't about the booze but rather about some unpleasant character traits which I had ignored / overlooked when I was knee deep in wine.

Anyway I would encourage you to give it a go - the good thing is you can just say you were doing DJ or some such and are enjoying your clear head, improved mood etc...I doubt most people will care.

I will post some reflections after two weeks a bit later today...am off for my run on the beach this morning. Hopefully will beat last week's time.

x

baking you should go and prove them all wrong. Guys try to look at it as you are going for the night and the crack, not the booze. If at some point it becomes tedious because everyone is shit-faced and repeating themselves in a loop, then you can leave and get a good night's sleep. x