The Brave Babes Battle Bus - New year, old battles, big resolve

[SweetLathyrus]

Hi, I'm SweetLathyrus, Sweet for short, and I've been on and off Gerald the Brave Babes Battle Bus for years, so this time it's me standing in for our wonderful Mouse to invite you on board.

The bus is a place of support, safety and occasional silliness for those of us struggling with our relationship with alcohol. Some of us are sober, some are trying to be, some are moderating and aren't ready to give up alcohol just yet.

So whatever your reason for questioning the whys and WTFs of your drinking, hop on board, make yourselves comfortable and join in.

If you want to see what it's like, here's the link to the last thread, the one that saw us through Christmas.

And if you want to know how it all started, here is the link to JWN's original, inspiring thread.

Join us on our journey, you won't regret it.

Morning all babes and bears...jog I hope you are now asleep...you're doing really well.

Day 13 dawns - am at the coast and it gets light later here which I am finding odd but I guess I won't notice it in a couple of months. 9 hours sleep last but with the craziest dreams about my ex-husband and his best friend who is also an ex of mine. Neither of whom I see / speak to for yonks so most odd.

Plan for today - am going to batch cook some spicy chicken lasagnes in small dishes for the freezer, catch up on some TV, and chill. Might go and have a shufty on the beach as well.

Sounds like everyone was strong last night :).

Lovely post spring. x

Morning! Day 12 for me today and I am up and ready to go to my spin class. The rest of the day will be lunching and shopping with friends. No alcohol will be involved for me but possibly a “small” cream cake.
Twattage you are lucky to live by the seaside. My ultimate dream. Well done on day 13.
Clarazabel welcome. I can’t advise re moderation but it is something I hope to try after DJ. The support of the babes on here will be invaluable.
Have a good day everybody!

Trying thank you for your support. Sounds like you are doing really well too!

Hi clara sorry missed your post as it was over the page! I personally can't moderate on wine or spirits but I think there are some other people around who can...hopefully they will be along to tell you.

I forgot to share the conversation I had on my final work call of yesterday at 3pm, this is sooo typical of a Friday:

Bod - how are you?
Me - feeling quite tired now TBH, looking forward to switching off
Bod - I'd switch off a bit early if I were you and treat yourself to a wine
Me - hmm, I probably won't be doing that as I don't drink wine
Bod (sounding confused) - a G&T then
Me - no I don't drink spirits either
Bod (thinking she's cracked it) - oh you're doing Dry Jan are you - well done it's been two weeks
Me - no not really, I'm just not drinking this year whilst I'm working
Bod (mind is blown) - oh okay, how does that work?
Me - I'm not drinking at the moment, that's all

Complete silence on line...fortunately someone else joined at that point!

I'd forgotten how much I enjoy telling people I don't drink - it is so shocking for a lot of people. Give it a go just for shits and giggles ladies...

trust have a great day and dive into the cake :). I ate a lot of cupcakes in 2013/14 - they were my weekend treat when I got a sugar craving. Not getting them this time around as yet.

Unfortunately I only live at the beach when not working - the sort of work I do isn't really possible to be done at the coast sadly, it has to be done in and around London.

Still weekend are better than nothing - usually xmas, easter etc we stay a bit longer (and the whole of last summer).

Sorry I didn't mean that to sound flippant - but I find it quite empowering to say I don't drink...it reinforces the situation.

I'll try not to get para about being flippant now - I am a bit of a joker IRL with a v dry sense of humour...sorry if that offends anyone. x

beaches thank you x

clarazabel welcome! Go you on the 12 days. I can't moderate but I needed to answer that question as I didn't want to stop all together at first.

If I drink unfortunately it's a pretty hard quick fall. But people do manage to moderate. I'm sure someone will be along in a minute to explain how they do it.

Twattage13 you have nothing to worry about. I'd love to be that straight forward about not drinking!!

Morning All, welcome to the bus Clara.

Good sleep last night. Jog, I sleep in our guest room quite often because a) DH is a snorer b) because when I drink, I wake up at 3am then toss and turn worrying than I'm keeping him awake c) because he's as much of a bloody germ monkey as DS (grotty, smelly boys ). I've pretty much moved in over the last month. Hope you got some sleep eventually.

Twattage, I just go with DJ at the moment, alcohol abuse is pretty rife in academia, most of us make a joke of it. A very lovely, but very 'old school' colleague, always had a bottle of red in his filing cabinet, and often 'livened up' morning coffee in the senior common room from his hip flask. There's lots of talk about undergrad essays driving us to gin etc, etc. Of the colleagues I know who definitely don't drink, the reasons are: religion, on-going health not related to over consumption . And that's it. I know no one else who admits to not drinking for other reasons (The exception is the lovely Marfisa who was here for a while, but I don't know how open she was in RL either). I remember the hushed whispers about a Prof who didn't drink during the week (implication he had a problem). Add to that the amount of networking I don't do because it is in the pub (and one colleague who will only talk to me voluntarily when he is drunk ) and the extent to which women and any form of weakness are judged in the sector.

Anyway, I'm rambling, I meant to say, Clara I can't help on the moderation front - I posted yesterday how I thought I could after 70+ days AF, and I proved myself wrong after about an hour . Some Babes do manage, but I think you have to take a long hard look at whether you can do it.

Beaches I love the sound of grapefruit frizzante, but why oh why are so many soft drink so bloody sweet? On of my things about drinking wine was because it wasn't sweet (full of sugar though, I know)!

Have a good Saturday, I'm off to work now, see you on the other side.

morning all. spring what a lovely post. Thank you. This bus has been my lifeline over the years so its great to know it is still helping people.

moderation is a tricky one and its what I want to do - enjoy alcohol without it becoming a default and a daily habit. I'm still torn whether or not to drink tonight/tomorrow for my birthday as I want to be able to celebrate these sort of family occasions with a glass or two of wine or fizz, but I'm scared it will tip me straight back into daily drinking. faire is chief moderator of the Babes, she may be along soon.
I am having the luxury of a facial today, paid for with a Christmas voucher so I will be even more gorgeous than normal. I know, I know...hard to believe..

foreverblessedbee, I certainly didn't feel brave yesterday morning but I made it over first hurdle so I will take that, thank you!
I've never been one to ask for help really, my family were a bit 'stiff upper lip' in that respect.

Jog22, was in the same boat as you Thursday night, it can be so hard to cope without sleep. I hope you managed to settle and get some rest. We are all here for you.

Bloody well done for stopping the cigs as well! I'm not as brave as you to take on the 2 together although I know if I don't quit the cigs soon, they will be get me instead Take care.

Totally get you sweet - TBH I no longer care what people think of me. If they think I'm weird for not drinking and that I have a problem (I do) then so be it. I am quite open about not drinking wine and the fact I have no off button with it, but I didn't do it in the first 6 months of stopping (I was too scared I might relapse at that point).

Am so glad that daytime drinking is not really a thing any more. I used to work in the city and it was totally acceptable to be down the pub at lunchtime (on Fridays for sure, but other days were fine as well). I would then spend the afternoon feeling tipsy after two large glasses of wine and no-one batted an eyelid.

So yes totally get the 'red in the cupboard' situation.

I also used to work in public health and there was a drinks cabinet in the professor's room and the director's room and it was quite acceptable to be passing round the snifters in the daytime.

Gosh it's bringing it all back now. Alcohol is soooo pervasive isn't it?

Oh and in case you are wondering why I have worked in some random seeming places, I working corporate communications so I flit between sectors with gay abandon, depending on what client wants me!

Welcome clarazabel, you will find all the support and advise you need here

Good morning all!

Twattage13, enjoy the beach this weekend, lovely!

I've had just one conversation in person with a friend who I would say has lost control over her drinking. Total and absolute denial that she had any issue with drink at all. Just kept repeating herself while she poured a huge glass of port. I then took her shopping(doesn't drive thank god!) where she stocked up with litre of gin, and several tonics. Exactly what I used to do! I hadn't said anything about her drinking, had just ordered a pot of tea when I picked her up from work! (she chefs in a pub) Total denial of course, just like the rest of us until we decide it is time. An uncomfortable situation for both of us, very sad.

dementedma, thank you and a very Happy Birthday for tomorrow! whatever you decide, do it for you. We will be waiting on the bus to welcome you, always.x

Oh and just to say - I am still reading the original thread - I got as far as June to August 2010 and it suddenly jumped to March 2011.

dementedma is posting and the original OP is now sober for 9 months...I can't stop reading it...

Me too twattage. Inspiring.

Happy birthday ma is it today or tomorrow? I hope you have a wonderful weekend and enjoying your pampering today. trusthave a lovely day lunch and shopping with friends sounds a perfect Saturday. Are you finding you have a lot more energy?
twattage your conversation with a client about drinking really made me laugh (in a nice way.). I've only told one person at work I'm doing DJ because they are. What I haven't said is that I think I need to make it permanent because sadly I don't think I can moderate so think that I need to stay dry permanently - if I can.
For some reason I keep feeling really tired still. I'm sleeping better (not waking during the night also not having the first part of my sleep crashed out on the settee from about 9pm) is anyone else feeling tired? I feel a lot better in myself though and this week at Work was the first in months when I haven't felt completely stressed out. There was me thinking wine would have helped me feel less stressed and now I'm wondering if it was having the opposite effect.

Happy Birthday ma - sorry totally missed that! Have a fabulous weekend.

trying - I am obviously speaking from the perspective of having a number of years off the wine under me. When you're in a fragile and early state you're not in that mindset. But good things will come after a period of time :). TBH in my early days I don't think anyone believed I would stop drinking wine anyway (I was always trying to stop, although I didn't vocalise that). So even if I'd said 'I'm stopping permanently' no-one would have believed me.

I'm still feeling tired yes. And yes to not feeling stressed (apart from my day from hell on Thursday). Drinking makes it worse not better for sure. x

I still remember the day JWN posted the first post...she posted in chat I think and it was moved to Relationships. I followed her story for months, years even and often wonder how she is now. I do remember her having a sip/small glass of wine about a year into her sobriety - was at a BBQ I think and she felt the pull of it instantly - frightened her that it could happen so quickly - that lure....

Personally I don't think I can moderate - well I suppose I can to a degree as I have done for the past year or so...well by moderate I have cut down from daily drinking to drinking 100 days out of 365 but it still crept up in December to almost everyday so guess not!!

Day 12 done ✅ in the end I started Madam Secretary and I think I have hit the jackpot! Only watched 2 episodes but loved it - going to be my go to for the coming months I think!

Keep on keeping on people

Happy Birthday to ma

Thanks twattage sorry you had such a shit day on Thursday- I just scrolled back - you did really well though just having 4 bottles of Heineken and not hitting the wine! Well done (that's not meant to sound patronising.) it sounds a bit over the top but, for people like me particularly, I'm starting to actually think wine is dangerous it's calling is so strong but I know I could not just have one glass like a normal person.

I read this article which I thought was quite inspiring. www.alcoholconcern.org.uk/blog/tinas-story

Happy Birthday Ma x

Thanks all. it's not until tomorrow but I plan to spoil myself the whole weekend. (except there is no fecking money in the bank!)
mint thank you for the picture. May have to lie down in a darkened room for a while.
God, have i been on this bus since 2011. You are about to get my whole life story then.cringe

Hello fellow passengers 👋🏻 Day 15 here and I’m finally feeling quite upbeat! Hoping I’ve turned a corner. Pub again tonight...

clara I’m the same, shit at moderating! I understand Twattage ‘s tactics but I’m perfectly capable of binging on beer, and I prefer wine and spirits. Think I’m going to take a few months off to reset, analyse my triggers, and then maybe set a one drink per night rule for a year or two. I don’t think I want to give up forever, but I want to stop the binges.

lou - glad you've found a good prog to watch...:)

trying - I also believe wine is dangerous (at least for me) - I am absolutely certain that should I have one sip as per the original poster my life would spiral downwards and I would lose everything that I have gained in the last 5 years. It is this certainty that leads me never to even think about having a sip of it - I genuinely haven't in 4 years and 9 months.

I think there were days in the first year where I did think about it but I was never tempted to actually drink any. I feel very lucky in that respect.

Beers are my thing now and I'm very happy with them in moderation - they just do not set me off at all. I don't know if it's because there is less alcohol in them or what really - I don't drink to get drunk on them either.

Anyway - I will stop hogging the thread today! Sorry...x