The Brave Babes Battle Bus - New year, old battles, big resolve

[SweetLathyrus]

Hi, I'm SweetLathyrus, Sweet for short, and I've been on and off Gerald the Brave Babes Battle Bus for years, so this time it's me standing in for our wonderful Mouse to invite you on board.

The bus is a place of support, safety and occasional silliness for those of us struggling with our relationship with alcohol. Some of us are sober, some are trying to be, some are moderating and aren't ready to give up alcohol just yet.

So whatever your reason for questioning the whys and WTFs of your drinking, hop on board, make yourselves comfortable and join in.

If you want to see what it's like, here's the link to the last thread, the one that saw us through Christmas.

And if you want to know how it all started, here is the link to JWN's original, inspiring thread.

Join us on our journey, you won't regret it.

SpringIsSprung1 didn't want to read and run. So sorry for your loss. I am not surprised you are having a bit of a crash, you will still be grieving and your emotions will be up and down. You have done amazingly so far, keep going. Above all be kind to yourself.

Thank you RoseGoldandBlueFeathers. I know i'm probably expecting too much too soon, never been a patient woman! I am of course still grieving mum, she was a strong lady and a loving mum, although could often be impatient and very critical at times. Although I did have help with mum, I was really struggling to care for her at times and clung onto alcohol even more to get me through. Although I miss her dreadfully, her passing gave me a chance to sort myself out before I hit rock bottom. She knew my drinking was out of hand, kept asking me if she could help me, bless her. My mum knew from experience as she had her own dark years of alcohol dependence in my primary school years and a few 'slips' afterwards. We as a family did our best to support her. It was a traumatic time for all of us. I know mum would be so proud of me if I can make it.

Hi Spring sorry for your loss as you say you are still grieving and there must be a massive void in your life both emotionally and with actual spare time from no longer having to look after your Mum. Maybe you have initially partly filled this void with concentrating on giving up the drink but that initial feeling of success is now wearing off and you have found yourself back to getting on with “normal life” and having more time on your hands to think. Which leads you back to grieving more and also thinking about how drinking previously helped to fill the void. Perhaps you can find other coping strategies to fill the time? You have done so well so far to be AF since 28 December. Keep being strong!

Good morning all babes and bears and special welcome to Spring - I am also new (about 13 days now). Very sorry to hear about your mum.

What you're experiencing now is that the initial euphoria of having actually stopped has worn off, and you're now faced with the reality of both filling the time (suddenly there's a lot of space for thinking) and not drinking (whilst probably wanting it).

Whilst you were drinking you probably weren't thinking! And now you need to process - maybe it's too raw and painful so you'll need to find some distractions...there were lots of suggestions up thread.

Take it one day at a time - could I suggest reading the original thread? There is a lot of good advice from MIFLAW - he went to AA but he speaks many words of wisdom on those threads from 2010. I'm still ploughing through and am only about 3 months in still!

Keep going - it absolutely will get easier - I promise.

Day 11 for me - well after getting into bed last night I could not keep my eyes open and was fast asleep at 9pm right through until 6. I am sleeping like a machine at the moment - I think I might be on another boing this morning (not least because I'm WFH today - hurrah)!

Plan for today is to eat properly, lots of work, another early night. Phil and Kirstie tonight at 8 :).

xxx

Elba. I am so glad to see you back. I started posting recently but followed for a while before. Think you and I have been struggling with similar issues including loss of a sibling in a shocking manor. Apologies if I have misremembered this. I am doing try January rather than dry. 4 days AF so far. Planning AF tonight.

Great post Twattage

My drinking became self medicating over the past 4 years following a very acrimonious split and subsequent divorce. Funnily enough I have been a bit weepy about in recent days when I thought I was well past that stage. I guess drinking to numb difficult emotions stops you going through the process fully.

Sorry about your loss Spring I hope you get support from this thread. I have found reading as much as I can on line and books on giving up alcohol really helpful and good for motivation.

Love this thread

It’s moving so quickly that I can’t read back right now- save that for later. I’ve been doing a course for a bit and apparently I ‘didnt have time’ to do it all. Guess what now i’m not drinking big glasses of wine in the evening, I have plenty of time to get my coursework done.

Day 9

Morning. A horrible sleepless night.
I almost gave in to the WW last night but didnt. No idea how since I had a double whammy of news.
I found out that my daughter had a baby in October. No-one on my side of the family knew either. Apparently it's on Facebook. We don't have Facebook.
I also found out that I potentially half brother whis only a few years older than me. DNA tests are being done . I guess I'll find out soon.
I have probably just outed myself now but I'm beyond caring right now.

Morning All.

Good things to report, this morning *warning, this may contain tmi in places). Day 10 round up!

Sleep is now much improved, no 3am trips to the toilet to disrupt it followed by hours of tossing and turning.
The same bottle of water has been on the beside cabinet for four days, unopened.
Poo is normalising .
My liquid intake is also beginning to reduce to more reasonable levels.
Skin is definitely feeling softer and is less red and patchy (I suffer from rosacea so it's never going to be completely even).
It's beginning to look like I may have a chin rather than just puffy jowls.
Bloating around the waist is reducing.
In the mirror in the gym yesterday I noticed for all my other middle-aged lumpy and saggy bits, I have a damn fine arse! No really, all the gym classes are paying off, I thought I had lost it, but it's definitely looking firm and positively pert!
Fresher breath.

The weight isn't shifting yet, but the graph is beginning to slope the right way.

So, I need to think of something nice to celebrate double figures today. I don't do baths, I'm saving the face pack for Friday, I don't want it to be food, so I may let myself actually order from the Sarah Raven catalogue (although my garden is already full to bursting) rather than just looking; or paint my nails and make a promise to take it off when it starts chipping, instead of just leaving it!

Anyway. Welcome Spring, you have been through a tough time, and as others have said, up to now, you have been focussing on drinking, then not drinking, and as that becomes more normal, there is finally space for the emotions to squeeze their way out. Drinking doesn't make emotion go away, it just pushes it down, it will come out, so you need to prepare for it and allow it as part of the grieving and healing process.

Elba old mate. Good to see you, stop hiding and jump back on, even if it's in the sidecar for a while.

Well Done, Cafe*, we all need to remember to post when things are tough as well as when they are ok. The advice doesn't just help us it helps all of us.

Right this is epic already, so sorry not to nc everyone. Catch you later. Today I will not drink.

Mint, I don't have anything useful to say, just , that must take a lot of processing. Look after yourself lovely.

These are a little lot more complicated than cracking open a bottle of Fevertree or Belvoir, but might provide inspiration for next weekend or a special occasion:

non-alcoholic cocktail ideas

Hi. Can I hop on the bus again? I have been on and off this thread over the last few years (with a slightly different username ie was RubyRedLips previously but can't get that back).

I've kept on reading the threads and am pleased to see so many posting.

March 2017 I significantly reduced my alcohol levels and I am doing well generally. I had a drink fuelled incident and was an idiot making a fool of myself. I realise now that my anxiety levels were really high and I was self medicating.
That wasn't a good idea

elba so good to see you posting, and you are incredibly strong to drink wine then switch to herbal tea yesterday. Well done. It's good that you're not putting yourself under unreasonable pressure to join with dry January, but instead setting your own goals and plans. I worry that some of the dj stuff that people write (not here if course) makes it sound oh so simple, and makes those who are struggling with it feel even more alone and hopeless. My dsis is doing dj she's a glass (and occasionally two) of wine person then bottle in the fridge where it stays for a few days till her next glass. I do encourage her, she feels she drank too much over Christmas, so good on her, but it's not a struggle in any way.

mint sending hugs. That must all have been a shock and the ripples of both bits of news will run for a long time.

got to post and run but huge hugs to mint and welcome to spring

Ruby, good to see you. When I get on and off the bus for periods, someone always reminds me that my ticket is good for as long as I need and want it.

Hi. Sorry I posted too soon.
My drink fuelled idiot incident was March 2017 and I have been much better since.

Lots of anxiety and tough emotionally but so much better than before.

I'm meeting a couple of friends tomorrow night who I haven't seen for a year (we only meet twice a year generally but I cancelled twice). They are usually mad drinking nights and so I am preparing myself for what I will say/drink as to make sure I have a nice evening but no after effects emotionally.

I will be back later.

Hi Sweet nice to 'see' you on here again. I want your bum or one similar should I say. My glutes don't work

So I already had some wine today. So cross with myself. It's days on my own with my daughter. I drink little bits over the day and try to hide it from my partner at night. All the little bits add up. I am still functioning and doing stuff but this is not normal behaviour. I feel so ashamed as I have insight into this. It's not like I don't know. Please don't flame me x

mumzilla2

I have been there, i was like that when i was bored. anxiety and tension was the main culprit and it made me want to drink to relax

I relaced it with excercise, i ended up keeping a skipping rope in the kitchen and everytime i craved i would skip! sounds daft but the endorphins through exercise helped me.

I think it will be ideal to see a doctor or seek some councilling as you ned to get to the root or what is causing you to drink xoxoxo

No one on the bus is going to flame you. It's so easy to feel isolated when you're at home on your own with children, and to think that no one will know or care what you're doing. I care, and I'm sure everyone else on the bus cares too. Can you pour it away and have a cup of tea? Go and brush your teeth or get out of the house for a walk?

Day 12!

I’ve been doing some introspection to identify my triggers, and I think I’m there:

1. boredom / escapism
2. to gain confidence in social situations in large groups or with strangers (and to comply with social norms)

I can generally distract myself for the first trigger, but has anyone got any tips for the second?

mumzilla
If you are drinking this early in the day its probable that you have a physical addiction and probably psychological as well.
If you can hide it from your partner you may have developed tolerance and need it to just feel "normal"
No one is going to have a pop at you .
Can you ask for help from your GP or a helpline ?
Depending on how much you are drinking you might need help

Hi all. I am not physically addicted as I have days ofnodrinking when I'm at work or partner is at home. I wish I could not do it as soon as I am home alone.

Can you tip it away ?
Put the kettle on and have coffee and a biscuit when you feel the urge .
10am is very early to be drinking -are you self medicating anxiety ??

mumzilla the simple answer is not to have it in the house - is that an option? Tell DP you want to get healthier or save money and alcohol’s off the shopping list?

I couldn’t have an open bottle of wine in the fridge for longer than a day or two.