Has anybody had a VERY low key wedding? Any regrets?

[Tisfortired]

Just after a bit of advice really from anybody who has done similar.

Me and DP have been together for 10 years, have one DS together who is 4 and currently hoping to grow our family in the near future.

DP proposed to me a long time ago, about 6 years ago - between uni and having DS and other life stuff getting in the way we never actually got round to doing the wedding part!

We've been thinking about it recently and we are both quite low key, private people - he has a small family and circle of friends and I have quite a big family and 5 best friends. I'm getting to the point where I just want to be married now, for all the traditional reasons, I love him being the main one! But also financial security, to have the same surname as my children which is another big one for me.

We have been discussing having a very small wedding, (ie just us and DS and the witnesses, probably our mums.) then maybe a meal with immediate family, and then to go on a honeymoon just the two of us for a week to our favourite place in Italy.

I have never been interested in a 'wedding,' I have been to a few in the past couple of years with my friends gradually getting married and although they have all been absolutely lovely, it seems such a huge expense for one day and I really don't like being the centre of attention, I think I would be stressed and anxious all day that everyone was having a good time etc.

I guess my main question is has anybody done this, did you have any regrets? I am worried about not having the wedding dress experience, first dance etc - although I am actually not interested in any of this stuff I just don't want to regret it in the future! I'm also worried some of our family might be a bit put out in not being involved?

Sounds very similar to our wedding. We had our parents, dh's siblings and a friend each to act as witnesses. Including children I think there were about 12 of us in the wedding party in total. We went for a meal after, pub in the evening, honeymoon in Rome a few weeks later.

No regrets at all. We weren't interested in the cost and effort of a big wedding. That was 13 years ago and no regrets at all.

We had about 15 people altogether. Registry, then we all went for a meal in a lovely restaurant. No dancing, no fuss. It was perfect.

I like going to people’s big weddings and enjoy them as a guest. I still would absolutely hate to be the main protagonist in one!

I had a very low key wedding - but it was second time around. We'd been living together for a few years, had bought house together and decided it felt right. We are quiet people, don't much like parties. We had a lovely day with just my two sons as witnesses. We found some unused carnations in the car park of the Registry Office, and had a great time together. We went for a meal afterwards with my (now our) sons and away for a weekend in Brighton. It was so relaxed and enjoyable, don't regret it at all. First time I didn't have a big wedding either, had a long dress - not white - and a few friends. Do what feels comfortable to you, not what meets others expectations. I wouldn't change a thing.

Yes, just close family and four friends. Absolutely no regrets, it's just one day. We went for a nice honeymoon and spent money on our lovely house.

We had a very small wedding, 30 years ago - just DH's DM, my DB and a friend as witnesses, then my parents joined us for a lunch (they weren't at all bothered about attending the 'ceremony') - one of my DBs was abroad and not invited and DH did not invite his siblings - just told them it was a 'very small wedding'. I don't think anyone was offended, certainly no one said anything to us. No regrets at all, personally I loathe big weddings and all the fuss and expense of dresses/bridesmaids/catering arrangements etc etc.

I would be really disappointed if any of my DC wanted a 'big' wedding although I would try hard not to show it.

We started off wanting a small intimate wedding but as is usually the norm it grew into it’s own monster. We absolutely don’t regret this but if an intimate wedding is what you would like then do it!

My cousin had a very small intimate wedding (around 10 guests including the wedding party) and from what I heard from the small guest list it was one of the best weddings people had been too.

If that is how you truly feel OP then I would go for it. It is your day, do exactly what you want, those who know and love you will understand.

I have prepped my family not to expect any engagement, or wedding, I dearly want the marriage, so we have talked of just disappearing one afternoon with DC’s and then telling everyone afterwards.

Yes. I regret it. Even though the marriage ended in divorce.
I will never get the opportunity now to do it 'properly' with the family and friends in my photographs. Even if I were to get married again, so many people from my family and friends circle have died. It would still be lovely to have the photos of all those people together despite the divorce.

We had 8 guests and only 1 of those was a family member, my DB. We had only decided to get married 2 weeks before but it wasn’t about time or money, just what we wanted.

It was registry office and then dinner in a posh hotel. We had excellent wines. Other than that, the only other big expenses was my wedding ring, which was Tiffany (no engagement ring though).

I don’t regret it at all and would do it the same way again. However I had done the big church wedding the first time round so it was easier for me to have a small second wedding.

We went to Vegas just me and DH for a wedding/holiday 2 in 1, we both have convoluted families and no desire to be centre of attention so felt like the most appropriate choice for us. This was 11 and a half years ago and no regrets so far.

I had a low key wedding many years ago - no regrets whatsoever! I went to a few high key weddings and several ended in divorce. Just do what's best for you

My partner and I had been together 12 years and decided to finally get married. My mum had died in the April and we didnt want a big fuss so we decided to get married abroad just the two of us, no fancy dress or anything. My DD, DB, SIL decided to come and SIL guilted me into getting a wedding dress so that my DN could be a flower girl. I dont like being the centre of attention and even such a small wedding was more than enough fuss for me to be honest xx 😊

Registry office, 2 DCs and our mums as witnesses.

No regrets at all.

I had a small wedding (17 adult guests, 8 children).

No regrets at all. It was lovely, did it all DIY, used a friends (totally amazing) house as the reception venue, which was a bit stressful (but fun) in the run up. On the actual day I didn't get stressed at all, it was lovely. I got to spend plenty of time with each of the guests sitting down relaxing and having a proper chat, and then had an hour in my friends swimming pool with all the smaller guests, which was lovely.

Several of my guests commented on how nice it was to go to a small wedding where everyone was relaxed and had time to spend together.

I had a proper wedding dress, and all the traditional bits we wanted... First dance, bridesmaids, three teir cake, given away by my dad...But non of the bits we didn't want... Rings, readings, traditional speeches (my female friend whose house it was did the only speech).

We didn't have an even balance of guests, I had more, including friends who mean a massive amount to me, DH only want his immediate family as he doesn't get to spend much time with his siblings, I did initially try putting pressure on him to invite a few of his friends, but stopped when I realised it was his day as much as mine and therefore his decision to make.

I know a number of couples who like myself chose to have very simple weddings. None of us have regretted it.
On the other hand I know couples who spent a year and tens of thousands planning elaborate weddings and regretted the stress and family dramas they caused especially the ones who divorced three years later.

Immediate family ( admittedly mine is quite big) and a friend each.
Never regretted it...and interestingly the only one still going.
93-94-95 saw a lot of our friends and family getting married so it had no bearing on longevity.

I got married a year ago, having been with my DH for two years. My mum had just died and I didn't want a wedding, I just wanted to make the relationship "legal".

I booked the cheapest registry office I could, which was a community room at the Town Hall on a Thursday morning. I had 8 people there - just parents and children. I bought a blue dress I liked off the internet, and got some accessories from Ebay. We had lunch afterwards at a pub, and I'd made a cake to cut when we got home. We went to a hotel for the weekend. I didn't tell anyone until after we'd done it as I didn't want any fuss.

I don't have any regrets. The marriage certificate we have now is the same as the one we'd have had if we'd had a big wedding with all the trimmings, and that was what I was interested in. If I do have a burning desire for a proper wedding one day, I'll book a renewal of vows with a celebrant and have a big party in a marquee; I don't think the legalities and the party need to be done at the same time, I guess.

I just had a very small wedding (8 people including us 2!) lass than a week ago!

Don't regret a thing - it was a lovely registry office wedding, I wore a white wedding dress - not to big, I think it's called tea length?!

I also have a very large extended family - some of whom are upset that they didn't get an invite, however it wasn't their wedding it was ours! Plus I haven't seen some of them in years!

My thoughts are do what is right for you & your family!

Our friends had a small wedding and it was perfect. 12 guests at a registry office then meal. Honeymoon and then a party for friends when they got home. The party was at their house and comprised drinks and a homely buffet rather than anything flashy. It was a great day and they had other things to spend vast amounts of money on. In their case - a boat! So, do what you want. Don’t go abroad though. You might think it’s low cost but your guests may not , assuming you want a few people to enjoy the wedding with you.

We got married when our first child was 3 (other DC hadn’t come along yet).

Just us, parents, siblings and one close friend each. Tiny wedding. Gorgeous lunch afterwards in a posh restaurant. Lots of champagne. Lovely honeymoon afterwards.

It was one of the best days of my life and suited us l, our situation (didn’t want to spend ££££ on one day when we already had a child) and especially my personality - I’m not one for fussing and being thecentre of attention.

It was beautiful, honestly. Magical. Having so few people there also made the vows feel really, really intense and personal - just between US. Absolutely no regrets. Best day ever.

I had a registry office wedding with two witnesses. Then jumped in the car and flew straight off on honeymoon. Had a big party for everyone when we got back - including getting dressed up in our wedding gear for anyone that wanted photos.

No regrets at all. I didn't want to spend £££ on a wedding. DH and I also come from complicated and large families and neither of us could be bothered with the months of wrangling family politics. We both had siblings who married shortly before we did (not each other BTW) and who both had large weddings. Having watched them go through months of stress, tears, emotional drama and expense made us realise that we weren't remotely bothered about the wedding - we just wanted to be married.

We had a small wedding. My only regret is that it wasn't even smaller. I wanted to elope, just the two of us. DH wanted a "wedding" because his family would be disappointed if they couldn't attend, so I was railroaded into it. I'd be surprised if we've spoken to even half of the guests in the two years since the wedding!

I second what Blind said about it feeling very personal and intense. Somehow not having loads of guests, flowers, decorations etc., and having it stripped back to just five people (me, DH, registrar, witnesses) made it feel incredibly focused on the vows and seriousness of what we were doing.

We had a smallish wedding back in 2006. Nothing special, it was just a legal thing to get a residency order in the even of anything happening to me etc. It was a registry office and maybe 18 people all together. It was incredibly low budget and after a few years ( i lost my nan) and I oddly found myself sorry that we didnt have a church wedding. We went to Iceland for our tenth wedding anniversary and he asked me to renew our vows in a church. So I got to do the gold rings ( could only afford silver the first time round!), more formal tea length 50s style dress, and our youngest daughter got to be there. Then we went back to mine for a bbq with our closest friends and family. The first one was for necessity and was lovely in its own way. But the second one was much more suited to the people we have become now. Both were small and perfect when combined

Thanks so much for all the responses! It sounds like the vast majority of you had lovely days with no regrets.

I second the poster who mentioned eloping - I've contemplated that too.

I think a contributing factor is that both of our parents are divorced and remarried with quite a lot of animosity between them - id be stressing about keeping everybody happy.

I think we might just book it. Town hall registry office, table for 12 at the local nice pub for lunch with a few bottles of fizz on the table. I'll buy a pretty dress and my BIL is an amateur photographer so he might take a few photos for us.

I'm excited! Thank you all so much for your advice