My dh is the youngest of 2 sons.
DBIL is the favoured son, can do no wrong, but doesn’t help his parents out with anything, always an excuse. So, if PILS want a lift somewhere which is often, somehow DBILS car isn’t available at the time, his wife has gone out in it. They only live around the corner from PILS, we live 5 miles away.
The requests for lifts are asked long before the event, so we know it’s been done deliberately. When dh gives them lifts, it’s in my car, which she hates, and says so, but it is practical. She wants a lift in dh’s car, which is ‘posh’ as she calls it, but impractical.
My dh is less favoured, yet has been lumped with, yes you’ve guessed it, all the helping out. The lifts, help with online shopping etc, yet his parents consistently talk down to him, and if I make it obvious I can see what’s going on (calling them out on it) then I’m the bad guy. They also know I went NC with my toxic parents 2 years ago, which has made them a bit hostile towards me anyway.
Xmas Day was spent in a miserable tone, listening to his dm talk down to us, talking about her intolerance to black and gay people, fat shaming people, how slim she is, hated the fact that I ate less than her as I don’t like sprouts or stuffing, so I had less on my plate. So upset was she, that she had to leave a lot on her plate to make a point 🙄.
So anyway what really upset me most on Xmas was when dh brought up the time he had testicular cancer. (This happened four years back, which was an horrendous time as you can imagine, but his cancer turned out to be easily treatable).
He’d only mentioned it as he’d just had his f/up at Christie’s a couple of days before, and to confirm all went well. Cue much eye rolling from MIL. “Oh that again. Well, It’s gone now (shrugs shoulders) and I know such n such who had it worse than you. Also such n such up the road. And mrs Jones ex son in law from 20 years ago had it worse than you, and next doors cat also”. I mean ok, it was treatable, he was liucky, but at the time, it was a dark period for us, but our feelings about it totally dismissed.
Everything dh does or says gets shot down in flames or dismissed, his type of music, where we live etc whereas DBIL is put on a pedestal and doesn’t help out. Sorry, I’m repeating myself.
And I’ve had enough. I hate seeing him try to extricate any interest out of her, and not get anything in return, yet is expected to help out with everything. FIL had a stroke a few years ago, which has rendered him disabled, a word she uses at every opportunity, so he can’t\won’t say anything, just lets her carry on. As you can imagine, things are going to get tougher as they get older and dh is going to suffer.
I know after reading many posts that it’s a situation dh has to sort as it’s his family, but I know he daren’t say anything.
I don’t expect him to go NC like me, but I hate seeing how they are, and even when I call them on it, they carry on. They are nasty.
How can I get them to see that DBIL needs to step up too. And dh to step down? Sorry for the long post.