My brother is an absolute f*cking dickhead since he met his girlfriend

[SMJYellow]

I'm in my 30s and I live at home. I have 3 brothers, 2 live abroad and one at home. He is 26.

This past year has been an absolute mess.

He used to be lovely and sound and we used to get on well. Not anymore.

I first noticed something earlier this year around about February or maybe March. He became quite. A lot of time if he was at home, he would be in his room and on the rare occasion of coming out, he just didn't speak. There was no conversation from him.

I tried but he was just so cold and distant. Any time I tried to talk, there was a grunt but there was a difficulty understanding him.

I thought maybe it would be stress or work related but the quiteness continued on for months so much so, work just can't be the reason for this.

Family were like shit at the end of his shoe. Zero conversation from him towards me and also our mother. He also started giving out to our mother and criticising everything she did. That was the only time he would speak.

This change occurred around about the same time he started dating a girl.

Over the past few months, I noticed something. Any time he went out with his friends, we bore the brunt of his moods in the aftermath of him going out. He would stay in bed all day and whenever he would get up - he would be in a proper mood slamming kitchen presses and he even broke the fridge during one episode.

I suspect the girlfriend might be on his back about him going out with his friends and giving out to him for going out with his friends and maybe 'feeling ignored' for an evening. God knows.

Thing is Christmas has been an absolute mess with his moods. We have one brother at home visiting and me and our mother wanted to try and make it a good one but it was an absolute mess.

My brother who lives at home, went out Friday night with his friends and he didn't come home until Saturday evening. On Sunday morning, Christmas Eve morning, he woke up in a dirty mood.

My mam said to me, please try and ignore that, I bet there is a row going on between him and the girlfriend. Sure enough, I think she is right. My brother was in a mood all day Christmas. He got up for dinner and then went back to bed. Eventually he got up again just to bang around the kitchen. A while later we heard him shouting down the phone having a row. We suspect shouting down the phone to the girlfriend.

This morning he got up and his mood continued.

This is absolutely unbearable. He's gone out again tonight with his friends and no doubt we will bear the brunt of this over the next few more days.

I'm ready to throw him a smack in the gob at this stage.

You can't change his mood. You can ask him not to have loud phone rows at night. I would just not talk to him if he's moody with you. Pretend he isn't there.

Do you know if he's happy in the relationship. He should be happy so maybe something is wrong.

I’d be thinking drugs.

Sounds more like drugs than a girlfriend problem.

Well this can't go on, for anybody's sake.

Is weed involved, in any way? Got a friend with similar.

I agree it sounds like drugs.

Drugs popped into my head too. Sounds like he's on a come down or withdrawal.

Butterymuffin,

Back in September he went away for a weekend to Poland. When he came home, I asked him - how was Poland. I got a one word response and that was that. I didn't talk to him since expect for hello, goodbye, good morning. Sometimes he even doesn't get that much from me anymore.

Bananalana,

I don't know if he's happy in the relationship.

Well, if you live at home and don't pay rent, unfortunately you don't really have a lot of standing to get him to be a better housemate. He can be a moody unpleasant bastard if his landlord (your mother) tolerates it and he wants to be.

If you do pay rent, the easiest way out of this dilemma is probably to move out yourself anyway. You can ask him to be more considerate, but I think it's a long shot for it to work.

You sound incredibly childish and irritating.

Maybe it’s time for you to move out?

What are you all doing at home? Move out. Problem solved for you.

Do you think it is drugs? Money trouble?

My first thought was drugs too

Is there a reason you both still live at home?

My first thought on your brothers behaviour would be drugs or debt.

He's 26 why are his movements being monitored by you?

This isn't AIBU.

I'd try to ignore him as far as possible.

In your mother's shoes though, I could not tolerate a 26 year old son son or daughter of mine living at home and treating me so disrespectfully. They might be asked to leave if they persisted.

Yep drugs probably. Just don't speak to him.

You sound incredibly childish and irritating.

There's no need for this. Totally uncalled for.

OP...If I was your mum...I'd tell your brother to stop being so moody and rude or move out. Simple

He sounds like a pia, the obvious solution is to move out.

I think that drugs sounds more likely too.

You're 30 and he's 26? You both need to move out, then his behaviour won't impact on your, or your poor mother

Time you both grew up. Sorry.

I thought drugs too.

I thought drugs too when I read your post. But whatever the reason, your mum shouldn't need to deal with this in her home, particularly from an adult.

Are your other siblings seeing a change too?