My brother is an absolute f*cking dickhead since he met his girlfriend

[SMJYellow]

I'm in my 30s and I live at home. I have 3 brothers, 2 live abroad and one at home. He is 26.

This past year has been an absolute mess.

He used to be lovely and sound and we used to get on well. Not anymore.

I first noticed something earlier this year around about February or maybe March. He became quite. A lot of time if he was at home, he would be in his room and on the rare occasion of coming out, he just didn't speak. There was no conversation from him.

I tried but he was just so cold and distant. Any time I tried to talk, there was a grunt but there was a difficulty understanding him.

I thought maybe it would be stress or work related but the quiteness continued on for months so much so, work just can't be the reason for this.

Family were like shit at the end of his shoe. Zero conversation from him towards me and also our mother. He also started giving out to our mother and criticising everything she did. That was the only time he would speak.

This change occurred around about the same time he started dating a girl.

Over the past few months, I noticed something. Any time he went out with his friends, we bore the brunt of his moods in the aftermath of him going out. He would stay in bed all day and whenever he would get up - he would be in a proper mood slamming kitchen presses and he even broke the fridge during one episode.

I suspect the girlfriend might be on his back about him going out with his friends and giving out to him for going out with his friends and maybe 'feeling ignored' for an evening. God knows.

Thing is Christmas has been an absolute mess with his moods. We have one brother at home visiting and me and our mother wanted to try and make it a good one but it was an absolute mess.

My brother who lives at home, went out Friday night with his friends and he didn't come home until Saturday evening. On Sunday morning, Christmas Eve morning, he woke up in a dirty mood.

My mam said to me, please try and ignore that, I bet there is a row going on between him and the girlfriend. Sure enough, I think she is right. My brother was in a mood all day Christmas. He got up for dinner and then went back to bed. Eventually he got up again just to bang around the kitchen. A while later we heard him shouting down the phone having a row. We suspect shouting down the phone to the girlfriend.

This morning he got up and his mood continued.

This is absolutely unbearable. He's gone out again tonight with his friends and no doubt we will bear the brunt of this over the next few more days.

I'm ready to throw him a smack in the gob at this stage.

Have you spoken to your mother about this? Show her this thread!

You seem to be ignoring people asking if you thought it could be drugs related mood. Has he always been moody or has it started in the last few years.
Coke and other drugs can make people very angry and rude ,act unreasonably etc.
It might be worth thinking about if it is.
He could be just an abusive person but it's worth exploring all reasons.

Dancinggoat,

It could be likely it's drugs and it's great to get light about here online.

He hasn't always been moody. He used to be great and we used to get on well. He hasn't talked to me properly in about a year like how are you doing? Hows life with you? How was your break away? What are you working on now hobbywise? There's been plenty of opportunities for him to ask me or speak to me but there has been nil from him.

Last winter of 2016 from October to December, he used to go out and eventually come home. His state was appalling. Absolutely tripping. Fighting with microwave was one incident. Mam begged me one night to stay up with him because I had a calming effect on him.

He hasn't come home in that tripping state since then though, so it's hard to say if drugs are still at play.

We were recently at our granny's anniversary mass and went for tea afterwards to our aunt and uncles house. There he spoke to so many people, aunts, uncles, cousins but when we left, there wasn't one word towards me or our mother.

So it's so hard to say what the hell his moods are about.

Yesterday, he had nothing but dirt towards our mother over his shirt. The situation was much and the same towards me. We have one brother at home on holidays from abroad and when the brother who is problematic passed the other brother in the hall he was nice and polite.

It just shows he has nothing but pure disrespect towards both me and our mother.

Chickenmom,

I did speak to my mam about this and how I feel about my brother. I didn't show her the thread but I told her of the thread and of the replies saying his moods could be drug related.

Maybe he is fed up with being an adult having to live at home with other adult siblings who should all be living in their own homes by now!

You've posted about him before haven't you?

I think you mentioned you were going to ask your other brother(s) to speak to him about his behaviour. I assume this hasn't made much of a difference

I would suggest you make steps to move out. I know you've said before your wages are low, but you shouldn't have to put up with a temperamental man-child, especially the way he treats you and your mum.

Theres nothing stopping him from moving out if hes not happy. He likes to claim he doesn't have the money to move out because he has a car but that's all rubbish. He's off this week but normally when he's working the takes all the over time there is and he can easily work from 7am til late. He'd be bringing in the guts of 2000 a month from overtime. He's too busy being a dirty bum and sponger at home.

It seems as if he made things up with his pretend wife and he managed to say hello when we passed in the hall.

You mean he's spending his OT pay on coke. This all screams cokehead.

You're going to have to move out OP. Gird your loins and find a house share! You'll be amazed how relieved you feel when you're out of the atmosphere.

his pretend wife

brothel

Drugs

Why do you both still live at home?

Is this the brother that doesn’t pay rent and your mum makes you subsidise? You posted about him a few weeks back?

Yes psychSheep

She likes to believe that he doesn't have money.

He's nothing more but a dirty free loader.

The two of them are in for a land come January. I'm fucking out from here.

Drugs. 100%

This is horrible I’m glad you’re getting away.

He’s abusing your mum.

He sounds like a misogynist prat.

Sorry to say but I think this is drugs. I'm dealing with the exact same thing with my younger brother at the moment - you have my sympathies OP.

Ah ok thought so. You need to move out of there sweetie, it’s a toxic environment for you.

What does it matter if it's drugs or not, though? Does it really make a difference to what the OP can/should do? Because it's so easy to get a heavy user to stop doing drugs?

The issue is that OP needs to get out - I'm not sure the reason he's such an arse makes much of a difference.

Sevendown,

It took me a long time to see it but misogyny entered into my head during his latest mood and storm about the house. He has showed nothing but contempt towards our mother. He can't even string a sentence together to speak to me.

The very two people who keeps the show on the road at home. Hot water and electricity doesn't come from thin air and he doesn't think about that.

Well, no more. I hope to be gone as soon as possible. I'm looking at places already online.

QueenAvris,

It think you are right. It shouldn't matter where his bad moods are coming. He's being a dick and the only solution in my control is to move.

However, in my opening post here, I was thinking his bad moods were coming from his relationship. It was pointed out to me, it sounds more like drugs and I think people might be right here. Its definitely more of a reason to get and to perhaps cut ties further on down the line from the brother and possibly even my mam too for enabling him.

Well, if I had previously always got along with him I would be very angry with him and confront him. Why are you doing X? What makes you think it’s OK to do Y? What the fuck is go8ng on with you? are all examples of what I would be saying to him.

Why aren’t you?

Doesn't matter if it's drugs or not - your best recourse is to stop doing posts about your brother and getting the same advice, and to accept you need to move out. I saw mention of your brothers speaking to him?

My brother isn't as bad as yours but is extremely snappy and sarcastic with mum. Despite paying minimal rent and living very nicely (and cheaply) thank you. I have no intention of speaking to him about his attitude. He is simply the entitled result of being the pampered Golden Boy all his life. He is very good to me, would help me where needed without being asked twice.

If mum wants to put up with him then that's her choice. The siblings who didn't receive the Royal treatment don't tend to fly to the rescue of parent who is now being put upon

Mum moans about him, but I know she wants him around despite his attitude. She says she wants him out but I bet she'd leap from the nearest window if he left. You need to move out.

He can't even string a sentence together to speak to me

I'm not really surprised You call his girlfriend his "pretend wife" and insinuate she is a prostitute by calling his room a brothel.

MUMof56,

The downfall between my brother and I was a slow and subtle change. I first noticed something around about February or March of this year. He just seemed off in himself. He wasn't interested in conversation and he grunted or mumbled one word answers if I spoke to him. I put it to the back of my mind really thinking it was maybe stress or work or whatever, only for it to continue. By August I was completely bewildered because this was it for months and for this to be so prolonged, I thought there's something more at play here.

The last time we sat down and talked or he showed any interest in my life was last January and that was only after a fistful of drink on board from him.

He started taking his girlfriend home back in March and the two of them always went to the room where they would stay for the whole entire weekend.

He introduced me in passing one morning.

I tried to make his girlfriend feel welcome. I provided her with dry shampoo if she needed it. I gave them a lamp for the room when he asked. Actually, the only time he spoke to me was when he wanted something, I was always obliging until recently. She needed a mirror another time for her makeup. I gave a clean toothbrushes, etc.

His rudeness and bad manners prolonged and it's only very recently I'm like 'well fuck him and fuck her'. I will refuse to make that woman feel welcome in this house while he is like that.