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Original poster

Asking for pics - is this dating norm nowadays?

61 replies

somebodyelsessomeday · 22/12/2017 21:08

I have been single a couple of years now. Really super liked this guy at work. He has now left and we have been in contact and out for few drinks. He is late forties, me early forties. He is very funny, a real character would make everyone laugh in office, straight talking. He keeps asking me to send him pics... I bat it away with jokes and pics of random things in my house. I met someone I liked last year and same thing happened - is this normal now??!!

OP posts:
Tinselistacky · 22/12/2017 21:11

I was asked to send a photo in the bath, I sent one of the taps. Keep sending things that he asks for literally - tell him straight that's all he will be getting so take the hint or take a hike.

user1471451564 · 22/12/2017 21:11

Pics as in what? Selfies of yourself or more intimate ones? Are you in a relationship as such or dating? Personally i would never share anything photo wise which involved me being naked. Once its out there its out there. Not saying people who do are wrong just dorsn't sit easy with me.

user1471451564 · 22/12/2017 21:11

*doesn't

user1471451564 · 22/12/2017 21:14

And sorry i re read that you have been out with drinks for him so maybe the start of a relationship for you both. If you aren't comfortable about the pics then don't do it. Simple. Make it clear to him and i guess what happens after rests on his response.

laudanum · 22/12/2017 21:18

If you don't feel comfortable sending them just tell him no. You don't owe him anything. If he's asking for nudes then send him this:

Asking for pics - is this dating norm nowadays?
Original poster
somebodyelsessomeday · 22/12/2017 21:41

Just wondered if this is the norm nowadays. No I' m not comfortable and not going to send, but feel like a bit of a prude. Like the nudes laud!

It's a shame as I really do like him but it makes me feel cheap when he does this :(

OP posts:
debbs77 · 22/12/2017 21:44

I think that in the case of not having met yet, photos are important to prove that profile photos aren't 10 years old!

Thebluedog · 22/12/2017 21:50

They do ask but I’ve never sent any. Keep doing what you’re doing

Ashamedandblamed · 22/12/2017 21:51

Debbs is clearly not down with the kids.

I think op is referring to pics with less clothing than usual ?

It's not normal only pervs will ask and only loose people will send.

They will no doubt be shared.

Why anyone would send a naked pic to a person they know let alone a stranger is bonkers.

Nothing lasts forever , except photographs.

Vitalogy · 22/12/2017 21:55

Move on to the next one OP. Yuk.

Lostlady01 · 22/12/2017 22:06

Don't ever send any pics to anyone ever.

fairgame84 · 22/12/2017 22:13

It seems to be the norm. I'd rather stay single then send pics to somebody. I find it disrespectful when men nag for pictures, I really don't like it.

meowimacat · 22/12/2017 22:22

I think some men will and some men won't. It would usually hint at what their intentions are with talking to you - if they ask for pics, they want sex and fun.

It would be a big turn off for me. But you can bat it away for the moment. Makes me think though if he's asking you for pics, he's probably asking other women for pics. Wonder how many pics he has. Ugh.

Beentherelefthimgotthetshirt · 22/12/2017 22:29

Some do. Some don't. I wouldn't date the ones that do. I'm afraid that I think the ones that do are often after wank fodder and chancing their arm that you'll send a risqué pic.

yetmorecrap · 22/12/2017 22:31

An absolute no no from me

MikeUniformMike · 22/12/2017 22:32

If he is asking for a photo of you, that's normal.
If he's asking for a photo of you without any clothes on then don't.

Josuk · 22/12/2017 22:33

OP - there are no norms these days. Just that technology has made a lot of things easier and as a results people are using it in many different ways.

In your situation - I presume having worked with him you got to know him a little more than a stranger you’d meet online - and you say you like him. And it’s likely that he feels the same about you.

This thing - asking for pictures - is just that - asking. Maybe in his previous relationships women were different about these. Who knows?

And you won’t know until you talk openly about it and stop dodging it. As it is - he is probably thinking that you are teasing and flirting that way.

Just tell him that you dont like it, don’t feel comfortable sharing these over the web, and certainly not this early on.
There is nothing to lose from being honest, is there?

Imstickingwiththisone · 22/12/2017 22:33

Nothing to lose by telling him how it makes you feel op. He might mistakenly think it would be seen as flattery instead of cheap and might just think your responses are you playing hard to get.

coalit · 22/12/2017 22:54

I find it surprising how many people are prepared to send private pics, I can only think it's down to lack of imagination as to what could happen in the future.

Josuk · 22/12/2017 23:35

Coalit - I don’t think it had anything to do with imagination.
Its more that I think for many people these days it feels like it’s not such a big deal.
There is so much of pictures and videos available online, that one extra picture of you, or it makes it there by way of dishonest (and pervy) Ex won’t make any difference and won’t be noticed.
Unless you are a celebrity who people care about.

Gemini69 · 22/12/2017 23:58

It's the Norm for blokes to ask....... Xmas Hmm I'd say No lovely ... every time Xmas Smile love the idea of sending bath tap photos etc Xmas Grin

oliveinacampervan · 23/12/2017 00:25

I am literally so glad that I am not on the dating scene and haven't been for a couple of decades, (Sorry, not meant as stealth brag/being smug.) It's just I feel so bad for women who have to tolerate this bollocks.

This whole thread does remind me of this though LOL.

Asking for pics - is this dating norm nowadays?
Gotthetshirt23 · 23/12/2017 00:30

My favourite reply to dick photos ....

Asking for pics - is this dating norm nowadays?
LadyLoveYourWhat · 23/12/2017 00:45

It doesn't matter whether it's "normal" or not, if you feel uncomfortable, don't do it!

laudanum · 23/12/2017 02:11

Just straight up tell him you're not going to pic share. If he won't accept it then walk away.