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Original poster

Asking for pics - is this dating norm nowadays?

61 replies

somebodyelsessomeday · 22/12/2017 21:08

I have been single a couple of years now. Really super liked this guy at work. He has now left and we have been in contact and out for few drinks. He is late forties, me early forties. He is very funny, a real character would make everyone laugh in office, straight talking. He keeps asking me to send him pics... I bat it away with jokes and pics of random things in my house. I met someone I liked last year and same thing happened - is this normal now??!!

OP posts:
Janetjanetjanet · 23/12/2017 02:15

I thought the whole pic thing was more of a teenager type thing?

If I was dating a guy in his forties I'd be surprised of he wanted me to send photos.. Seems a bit immature? Dunno really.

comfortandjoy · 23/12/2017 02:33

Agree. I thought it was teenagers who were asking for such stuff. A man in his forties - I'd assume he was joking and if not it would make me think he wasn't for me.

Zaphodsotherhead · 23/12/2017 09:09

Maybe they are asking for pics as a lead in, so that they can send you a dick pic? So you send them s fairly innocent head and shoulders shot and get back a hideous erection, almost as if 'you asked for it'.

WhatADoozy · 23/12/2017 10:16

I thought it was teenagers who were asking for such stuff. A man in his forties - I'd assume he was joking and if not it would make me think he wasn't for me.

It's sadly not unusual at all. IMrecentE, it's more unusual to meet someone who isn't asking for pics/initiating sexting early on.

And, in many cases, they're not actually looking for anything more than that.

ALittleBitConfused1 · 23/12/2017 10:24

Nope not all men ask, a lot do but I'm cool with that as it makes it easier to sort the wheat from the chaff .
Basically if a bloke asks for pictures I just add them to 'the kind of man I wouldn't take home to meet my mother' list and stop contact with them.

Hermonie2016 · 23/12/2017 10:40

Op, this is a good time for you to assert your boundaries.Its absolutely fine for you to say No, nothing prudish about it at all.

If he reacts badly, continues badgering or you get a bad vibe then drop him.I know its disappointing as you like him but I really believe "tests" like this weed out the bad guys.Its an early warning system.

Get strong boundaries as it will allow the good people in your life.Just because he has a good personality doesn't mean his character is equally good.

My instinct is he is looking for a fling, nothing more.No harm in that but I suspect you hope for more.

TatianaLarina · 23/12/2017 10:44

It’s the norm among complete knobheads.

mnxnt42 · 23/12/2017 10:48

I’m in a ldr at the moment and we send each other pics a lot when we’re apart.

I absolutely 100% trust home though. Wouldn’t do it with someone I wasn’t in a committed relationship with

ClareB83 · 23/12/2017 11:33

It is normal these days to share photos of you doing things eg all dressed up to go a party, in your Christmas jumper.

But don't ever send nudes/revealing photos unless your happy for the world to see them. A decent bloke would want to protect you from this too and wouldn't ask.

anotherchange111 · 23/12/2017 11:35

NEVER DATE GUYS WHO ASK FOR PICS. Without exception absolute losers. And not just nudes - they want pics of your day, your outfit, what you're doing... no.

Pebbles1989 · 23/12/2017 11:54

There’s a big difference between exchanging pics with your partner and someone you’ve just started dating (or perhaps never even met in real life) chancing his arm. I’ve also noticed this “pics” thing among men in their 30s and 40s - I have no time for it.

MeMeMeMe123 · 23/12/2017 14:33

It's not normal only pervs will ask and only loose people will send

What a lovely comment Hmm

I'd add vulnerable, low self-worth, naive, trusting.

I did it.. nothing identifiable to me specifically...after my abusive marriage ended and I was very low and susceptible to charm and lies.

Like fuck am I 'loose'

NurseButtercup · 23/12/2017 15:27

It does appear to be the "norm" which I'm equally puzzled by. The last three blokes I chatted to via OLD asked me for pictures. To be honest I didn't realise they wanted nude pictures, now that I think about it "doh".

At the time I politely declined and pointed out that in order to see me and take his own picture that we should arrange a date? One accused me of "catfishing" him, the other two disappeared LoL.

But I agree with previous posters, if you're not comfortable with the request, don't do it. Xmas Wink

ByronsMummy · 23/12/2017 15:40

Hi,
Just had to share what happened today. So, a guy I've been dating asked me to send him a pic. As we've met already I thought to myself, well he knows what I look like so he must mean a 'naughty' pic. I took some selfies in undies previously so sent him one, quite tasteful, no actual 'bits' showing. He said thanks but he wants to see my gorgeous face!!! Well I pmsl. He's earnt himself a few brownie points, lol! In answer to the question, yes it's normal, no you don't have to comply but if you do, no nudes. xx

Ellisandra · 23/12/2017 18:48

Fuck off with the loose comment Hmm

It's not the "norm" meaning that everyone does it, but yes - it's not unusual to be asked.

I would judge someone for asking. I can say "not happening" and they can say "fair enough" and we can carry on chatting. I don't care if I'm asked - but I won't accept any attempts at persuasion after a no.

I've occasionally sent sexual pics. I'm not identifiable. Sent a pic of my legs in stockings to an RAF guy - don't really care if the entire squadron saw it, though I wouldn't have sent it if I expected it to happen.

I'm not loose. I have occasionally found it fun, and am picky what I send and to whom I send it.

Ellisandra · 23/12/2017 18:48

*not judge

Original poster
somebodyelsessomeday · 24/12/2017 19:35

Seems it maybe is the norm from a lot of comments on here. But I'm not sending them. He has said 'you're obviously not ready for that yet'.... don't think I ever will be TBH!

Makes me wonder who he has been seeing....

OP posts:
Ellisandra · 24/12/2017 22:20

He can fuck off, patronising arse!
Not ready for it?
No, you simply choose not to.

TheNaze73 · 24/12/2017 22:32

You stick to your boundaries OP

I got sent lots of unsolicited pictures when i was doing the general dating thing & it left me cold

Babseu · 24/12/2017 22:36

Some Men in their 40's are worse than any in my opinion. Just recently separated/divorced. Porn hardened usually and still think they are living in the 80's when they last had some appeal.

BringOnTheNewYear · 25/12/2017 12:06

I wouldn't even carry on talkig to someone who saidthat to me, somebody!

yetmorecrap · 25/12/2017 15:33

No wonder they are divorced!! We aren't exactly talking classy here are we. To the guy who said 'you probably aren't ready yet' I can assure him if it was me I would never be ready apart from fully clothed or facial shots , and to be frank in my opinion any guy worth having would be perfectly ok with that if he liked you and was actually interested in a relationship. Mind you if some people are stupid or desparate enough for attention to send nude or semi dressed pics to guys they often hardly know, then that's probably why so many guys are asking as a 'try on' !!

LanaDReye · 25/12/2017 15:40

It's not the norm, but very common (online dating experience of over a year).

I would keep chat brief and friendly, cyberstalk where possible (find out if dates are who they say they are if possible), meet briefly for coffee dates in public places. Don't trust anything you read or assume any weird messages are your fault!

Olympiathequeen · 25/12/2017 15:48

This is really adolescent behaviour no matter what the age of the man.
Men who have been in a relationship for 10+ years revert back to their early dating experiences, hence this type of porn driven shit.

Pour scorn on it and call it out to him, and maybe he’ll grow up!

Josuk · 25/12/2017 19:00

People have different boundaries. And respecting that is probably a best approach, don’t you all think?

So - no mater where you fall on on that debate - it’d say:
it’s NOT adolescent to send pictures
And
it’s NOT prudish not to want to...

We are all adults and can decide for ourselves where our boundaries are.

OP - good job for marking your boundaries. He wasn’t dating some weirdos before you - just women that aren’t the same on this dimension.
Pictures are such small part of adult interactions as to be a tiny and insignificant part of what makes a relationship.