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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Did he cheat?

77 replies

AAA89 · 20/12/2017 18:37

Hey guys this is my first post here I really just need some advice.
So I've been with my OH for 4 years I had a daughter before we met and we have a little girl together. He is a great dad i cannot fault him on that, in the past he has not been honest with me about money but we are working on that. A few months ago I was sending an important email for him and came across 2 rather private photos of one of his female friends, when I asked him about them he told me that one of his other friends has been sleeping with her and sent him these photos so he put them in his email so he could confront her with them (She is married and has 2 kids) he admits he was stupid to do that and to not mention to me about it when he found out but the problem is now I don't know what to believe and I can't face being around his friend as she's either 1 having an affair with my OH or she's having an affair with someone else. It's really starting to get me down and if I try talk to him about it I know he will ask why I'm brining it back up again. I should also add he says he said about it to her and she replied well my husband does it to me so why shouldn't I do it to him.
Appreciate any input I feel rather lost with it all
Thank you for reading :)

OP posts:
TheHandmaidsTail · 20/12/2017 19:27

And what did the email say??

ClaryFray · 20/12/2017 19:30

Ask the woman, you'll know by the reaction.

Ask the friend who he's covering for, in a oh I thought he said you, I must be mistaken kind of way.

Check emails again to see if make friend actually sent them at all

Bluntness100 · 20/12/2017 19:31

So he deleted the message with the pics but saved the pics and had them in an email?

Who was the email to and what did it say? What was she doing in the photos? Was she undressed?

I also, based on what you've posted so far, think he's lying.

BrokenBattleDroid · 20/12/2017 19:35

Have you checked the date created and other details on the picture itself? Do you have a download history on the laptop that you could check that would show where it came from? Do those bits marry up with his story (I doubt it). Can you speak to the friend who supposedly sent them ("you know those rude pics you sent DH...?" "Er what you talking about?").

You sound like you need a way to be sure it's dodgy so you can decide what to do next.

Original poster
AAA89 · 20/12/2017 19:43

I think im gonna ask the guy that sent them why he sent them and see what he says may as well go straight to the "source" thank you everyone for making me feel less like a paranoid insecure b**ch

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 20/12/2017 19:54

His friend may cover for him.... but it's an offence to share pictures of that nature like his friend allegedly did.

He's lying. Affair partners share such pics.

Tell him you think his mate is out of order for forwarding that pic....and he could face criminal charges for doing so ... then watch his reaction.

He's lying.

He doesn't need those pics to confront her.

Greedynan · 20/12/2017 20:11

What's his behaviour like in general? How is he with his phone? Laptop? Any changes to the times he gets home from work? More business travel? Does he stay up after you've gone to bed?

This def sounds very odd.

Greedynan · 20/12/2017 20:12

And yeah, he doesn't need those pics to confront her when his mate is openly telling him he's having an affair with this woman...

Original poster
AAA89 · 20/12/2017 20:24

Well he is always on his phone but its mostly facebook, he doesnt hide it and i know the passcode as he does mine, there were a few times in the summer he came home later and didnt let me know he said he worked late. He always stays up after i go to bed always has done i go to bed around 11 and he stays up till about 1am. I have messaged his friend asking if he sent the photos to my OH and that if he did it wouldnt go any further. Just waiting to see what the reply is

OP posts:
inlectorecumbit · 20/12/2017 20:27

I am pretty sure the friend will check with your DP before he answers just to get the story straight

AlwaysPondering · 20/12/2017 20:28

Yes hang around your DP to see if he receives a message from his friend

AnyFucker · 20/12/2017 20:28

Your partner's phone will be smoking hot right now.

inlectorecumbit · 20/12/2017 20:29

I would email the woman and tell her you found the photos and ask for the truth. She is married and l am sure she doesn't want her world blown apart.

Original poster
AAA89 · 20/12/2017 20:29

Im sat right next to him no movement yet

OP posts:
SparklyMagpie · 20/12/2017 20:32

He's clearly bullshitting

An wouldn't surprise me if his mate covers for him OP

Buildmeupbuttercup89 · 20/12/2017 20:35

I'd be very suspicious too op

Chippyway · 20/12/2017 20:37

Please say you don’t believe any of what he says?

I could well believe him if it’d been on his phone, and still had the original conversation. But NOBODY would do this OP. Why would you delete the conversation but keep the photos and then send them to your email?

Original poster
AAA89 · 20/12/2017 20:39

Thats exactly what i cannot understand i asked him if it was for him to view in hos own time and he said no but i cannot think of any other reason

OP posts:
Janetjanetjanet · 20/12/2017 20:50

He's bullshitting you

Janetjanetjanet · 20/12/2017 20:51

i asked him if it was for him to view in hos own time and he said no but i cannot think of any other

But that would be OK? Confused Him ogling birds that his mates are shagging?

Original poster
AAA89 · 20/12/2017 20:53

No it wouldnt be okay of course i just wanted an explanation of why he saved them

OP posts:
Original poster
AAA89 · 20/12/2017 21:03

Ive messaged both the girl and guy in question and just told my partner ive messaged them both, he says will have to see what they say he doesnt seem to be bothered. I guess if what he said is true then the girl will ve massaging the guy because she now knows hes sending her photos to others or if what hes told me is bullshit i guess it will come out

OP posts:
BrokenBattleDroid · 20/12/2017 21:22

I hope you get some answers the AAA. Even if it's bad news it's better than the feeling of someone messing with your head by lying. Do brace yourself for them ignoring you or giving stories that don't marry up.

Original poster
AAA89 · 20/12/2017 21:40

Thanks yeah i expect one of them things to happen or i expect the woman to go mental thats how she deals with most things.
Ive just got to hope the truth comes out no matter what it is i know i can handle it.

OP posts:
Huskylover1 · 21/12/2017 08:01

Wow, hats off to you for messaging them both. Whatever is going on, is bound to come out now.