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Original poster

How close are you to your adult siblings?

52 replies

RitaPanda · 19/12/2017 18:32

How close are you to your adult siblings?

I have two siblings. They are both decent people, I have nothing against them, but we are like chalk and cheese, very little in common. They also live a few hours away so I don't see them regularly, and when I do it is me who makes the effort 90% of the time.

One of my siblings has children, and I would like to see them more than I do, and when my child is born I would like it to have a relationship with its cousins. However this feels near enough impossible due to my sibling not living close by and also not making much effort. So maybe I need to accept defeat there.

DH has 3 siblings and isn't especially close to any of them. Again, they are not bad people, just very little in common and lead their own lives. Probably see them a few times a year at family events (DH's parents are quite keen on throwing family dinners etc).

I'm currently pregnant with our first child and, for various reasons, I am seriously thinking it will be an only child. Based on the fact DH and I aren't close to our own siblings, I am quite comfortable with this.

So I was just wondering, how close are most people to their siblings, in adulthood?

OP posts:
EmpressOfTheSpartacusOceans · 19/12/2017 18:36

My brother & I get on ok when we're together but don't communicate that much in between.

My sister & I fought all the time as kids but we're very close now, chat a lot & are fiercely protective of each other.

SlickBubbles · 19/12/2017 18:38

I'm not close to mine at all. Barely talk, barely see them. Don't even send presents for my siblings children anymore and vice versa. All of us are close to our Mum, but not to each other. (Though I think they are closer to each other than they are to me tbh)

I've always been very independent and struggled with my elder sibling. Young one we were close until a few years ago.

DP on the other hand - I'm really close to one of his siblings and count her amongst my proper friends. And the others get along well. We go out as a group, always remember childrens birthdays etc.

molifly · 19/12/2017 18:38

Very close, both my best friends

GrooovyLass · 19/12/2017 18:39

I love my siblings to death - I probably annoy them messaging them and tagging them in stuff all the time! I think it's even more important to me now we don't have our parents.

Ladyformation · 19/12/2017 18:40

We're close emotionally in that I love them and think they're awesome people, but we're all 4+ hours from each other and none of us are the kind of people to stay in constant contact when we're not together, so we probably don't talk that much compared to some people. We don't really share day to day stuff; instead we enjoy big catch ups every few months. Works for us.

Thickasmince · 19/12/2017 18:40

Quite close to my brother. 5.5 year age gap.

Everything about him irritated me in my late teens, up until I became pregnant at 21. I still lived at home when I had my DS and it definitely made us closer. I’m also pretty close to my two male cousins, who we lived with, 6 year age gap and 10 year. (I’m the oldest of us all). They are DS’ uncles as far as he is concerned, but I speak to my brother most frequently, perhaps because he has 3 kids, my nieces. We all have a lot of fun when we are together.

CMOTDibbler · 19/12/2017 18:43

Not at all. I've seen him once in 7 years, and that was at his wedding (I was needed to get our parents presentable and there)

Phillipa12 · 19/12/2017 18:43

A twin sister, little sister and little brother. I see or speak to both sisters every couple of days, i do see my brother but if it were not for his wife my sil i dont think i would see him as regularly as i do. It helps that we now live very close to each other and all dc are around the same age, we have also had our mum die and my young dd die a few years ago which has also brought us closer together as a family, but not so close that we are living in each others pockets.

nadinexo1 · 19/12/2017 18:45

close ish to my brother and his wife, see them once a week, mainly for the kids as they love them. I don't particularly like their dad's siblings however we also see them once a week as they have a lot of cousins on that side and regardless of how I feel I want them all to be close.

TrojansAreSmegheads · 19/12/2017 18:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Annabelle4 · 19/12/2017 18:48

Close to 2.
Not at all close to 1, only communicate through our mum. Nothing happened, we just drifted apart and became strangers. Nothing in common, etc

May50 · 19/12/2017 18:49

Not close at all. Get on fine when together but they live in another country so I see them about once a year and we never speak on the phone in between.

ComtesseDeSpair · 19/12/2017 18:50

See both my brothers once a year at Christmas, pretty much. Am marginally closer to Brother2 and we comment sporadically on each others' FB posts but that's about it. We're all just very different people with not a lot in common, and it was the same when we were children so we never really bonded.

I don't actually think I know many people who are really close to their siblings and spend a lot of time with them: most of my friends range from similar levels of contact as me to liking their siblings well enough but mostly from a distance.

peachypips · 19/12/2017 18:52

I’m the eldest of three girls and a boy. We are very close- I’m never happier than when they are around.

Argued a normal amount growing up, now all four of us are best friends. We share the same sense of humour which always makes for a good time too!

ArbitraryName · 19/12/2017 18:52

My sister and I are not close. At all.

I don’t know her address and I don’t think I have her phone number. I’ve never given her our ‘new’ address (we moved in 18 months ago). She’s never been to our house, and only visited our old house once in 4 years (when they came with my mum one Boxing Day). I’ve met my youngest nephew twice in his life, and I could count on one hand the number of times I’ve met the eldest (who started school this year).

DH is not close to his brother either. The maybe see each other once a year (sometimes less) and never speak on the phone or anything. We do know where he lives though (about 7 hours away from us).

isseywithcats · 19/12/2017 18:55

out of original 5 of us one of my older sisters and brother are now dead, difficult set up because two sisters and older brother were from my moms first marriage and between 9 and 11 years older than me, it was only when my dad died when i was nine i even found out they existed, my mom kept the two families seperate so not really close, we get on ok if in the same room but thats all, my younger brother and i dont really like each other, he was the favourite when we were young and now live at different ends of the country, so overall no not close at all,

feral · 19/12/2017 18:55

I have one sibling she's 4 years younger. She and I were not close growing up, but now she's probably my best friend. We spend a lot of time together and have just come back from a weekend away together.

I love her to pieces.

DH has one sibling also, 4 years older. They're barely in touch and his brother rarely bothers with his parents either. He has 2 kids and I was sad about my DS not really knowing his cousins but now I'm fine with it as I think he's better off with the 'cousins' he's got that are the kids of my old close friends who I know we will be in touch with his whole life.

(DH's brother is a selfish twit
IMHO.)

HeyMicky · 19/12/2017 19:01

Very close with DB. We live on opposite sides of the world but chat/message each other a few times a week. We've lived together before, and can hang out for days when given the chance. We are quite different, too.

Although we didn't speak for a good couple of years in our teens.

Capelin · 19/12/2017 19:03

My brother and I are 18 months apart in age. We get on fine (used to fight a lot as children) but don’t see or speak to each other that often - a few times a year. We do send presents to each other’s children.

DH isn’t close to his brother either. They’re four years apart in age and the brother lives overseas.

Ragwort · 19/12/2017 19:06

Not at all - I have two brothers and we very rarely meet - we have absolutely nothing in common, apart from our parents Grin.

When we do get together there is no 'bad feeling' but we are all like chalk and cheese (the two brothers don't get on particularly either).

Always amuses me when people say they wouldn't have an only child as it is nice to have siblings as you get older Hmm - I know beyond doubt that it will be me shouldering the care of our elderly parents.

CalmingBalm · 19/12/2017 19:10

NC with my toxic sibling, it’s a sad situation but better than being affected by their poison

AJPTaylor · 19/12/2017 19:16

Reasonably close to dsis although we dont live close by.
Brother moved 12000 miles away and i wouldnt cross the room to talk to him! We have 3 kids cos we wanted them dds1 and 2 are chalk and cheese but get on better as adults than kids.

Jenala · 19/12/2017 19:19

I have a younger Dsis who I see quite a lot as she still lives at home with DM and the two of them are rarely apart. They like to come and see DCs at least once a week.

DM has always and continues to regularly suggest me and Dsis should meet up alone, that Dsis misses me, Dsis thinks I don't like her. No push for Dsis to get in touch with me presumably because I am the oldest. I love her but she's 19, no job, not in education, doesn't drive and goes everywhere with my narc/co-dependent DM. I'm nearly 30, live a few miles away with 2 kids and demanding job. Everything with them is edged with drama and I don't have the energy. I love her but they want me to participate in their dramas without ever offering advice just never ending sympathy and it's a bit wearing.

user1494670108 · 19/12/2017 19:23

You're all making me feel much better as I have two older brothers who I am not close to at all. We communicate a lot more at the mo as Dad needs us and there is no bad feeling there's just not much feeling at all!

MistyKnightsTwistout · 19/12/2017 19:26

I'm NC with my brother and we weren't close before then. Very different people. I am close to my ex-SIL and consider her a sister and that's how I have contact with my nieces.

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