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Original poster

How close are you to your adult siblings?

52 replies

RitaPanda · 19/12/2017 18:32

How close are you to your adult siblings?

I have two siblings. They are both decent people, I have nothing against them, but we are like chalk and cheese, very little in common. They also live a few hours away so I don't see them regularly, and when I do it is me who makes the effort 90% of the time.

One of my siblings has children, and I would like to see them more than I do, and when my child is born I would like it to have a relationship with its cousins. However this feels near enough impossible due to my sibling not living close by and also not making much effort. So maybe I need to accept defeat there.

DH has 3 siblings and isn't especially close to any of them. Again, they are not bad people, just very little in common and lead their own lives. Probably see them a few times a year at family events (DH's parents are quite keen on throwing family dinners etc).

I'm currently pregnant with our first child and, for various reasons, I am seriously thinking it will be an only child. Based on the fact DH and I aren't close to our own siblings, I am quite comfortable with this.

So I was just wondering, how close are most people to their siblings, in adulthood?

OP posts:
IHaveACuntingPlan · 19/12/2017 19:27

I don't see my brother that often but get on with him when I do. I'm 6 years older than him.

My younger sister only ever gets in touch when she wants a favour and her sense of entitlement is breathtaking. She annoys me. I'm 8 years older than her.

I'm closer in age to my older sister, see a lot more of her and get on much better with her. I feel a lot closer to her than my other siblings.

My dc are close in age and, at the moment, get on well with each other and love to play with and help each other. It's lovely to watch.

user1484311384 · 19/12/2017 20:25

Two older step-brothers. We've had our moments over the years, but very close now since the death of our parents. No need for sibling rivalry any more!!!

ZigZagandDustin · 19/12/2017 20:26

Extremly close. We live far apart but are very important to each other.

ILoveMillhousesDad · 19/12/2017 20:59

Very close. I know I could depend on any of my siblings to be there for me.

Our loyalty for another knows no bounds.

Sure, we all irritate the fuck out of each other sometimes, but we would only tell each other and never anybody else.

There are 5 of us and we range in age from 31 to 47.

We have all been closer more to one than the other, all at different points in our lives, but I can't imagine my life without any of them in it.

BastardGoDarkly · 19/12/2017 21:02

One big brother, 3 years older, we're very close, live 60 miles apart, but have the best time when we're together, him and my dh get on like a house on fire too.

I'm really hoping my two are the same.

grasspigeons · 19/12/2017 21:02

close
we didn't get on brilliantly as children but the older we get the more friends we are
We had a fairly 'interesting' family and its nice having someone who just knows how far ive come

Liara · 19/12/2017 21:07

I live on a different continent to all my siblings, so sadly don't see them that often.

One I am so close that we talk on a daily basis. We both make an effort to visit each other as much as possible.

One I am on very good terms with, but don't talk very often. See them when I go visit my mother, as live nearby.

Two I have no relationship with at all. One I cross paths with occasionally, but avoid if possible. The other I have just lost contact with altogether. Wouldn't mind if we crossed, but our paths just don't.

(blended family in case it's confusing, some of these are half siblings, so not all related to each other)

JingleBellTime · 19/12/2017 21:11

Relatively close but we are not each other's friends. I see my DB most days as we work for the same organisation His wife and my DN plus DS and her family about once a month. We have quite a lot in common but our DC are different ages and our social circles / lifestyles don't really cross over.

BonnieF · 19/12/2017 21:16

I have two younger brothers.

I get on ok with one, he's a good hard-working guy with a nice family to whom he is a devoted husband and father. I have huge respect for him but, unfortunately, we are very different people and have little in common. It's a shame. Education is a big part of the problem. I went to a good university and on to a professional career in the big city. He left school at 16 and was apprenticed to a trade and still lives in our home town. I read the Guardian and voted Remain. He reads the Sun and voted Leave. Enough said.

The other brother is a complete prat who has wasted his life and is incapable of accepting responsibility for the consequences of his actions. We haven't spoken for years.

PickAChew · 19/12/2017 21:18

See my sister occasionally. No idea where my brother is.

WillowWept · 19/12/2017 21:18

Very close - they're my best friends

SenecaFalls · 19/12/2017 21:22

I am pretty close to my three siblings. In fact, one brother and his wife are our closest couple friends. DH is close to his siblings, as well. His oldest sister died this year, and he has become even closer to the others as a result.

I'm not really sure how it worked out that we are all so close; I think some of it is just simply the luck of the draw.

gingerbreadmam · 19/12/2017 21:22

I've got 4. 2 older. 2 younger. Get on with them all great and have an unspeakable bond but have a particularly close relationship with the 2 younger ones.

More to do with personality than anything else although my eldests wife is hard work so proves to be a abit of a barrier there.

I know I could rely on anyone of them though and they love me unconditionally and the feeling is mutual.

ZigZagandDustin · 19/12/2017 21:27

Can anyone identify what exactly is leading to good or bad relationships between siblings? I'm not sure that it's really about different personalities as I have many friends who are strikingly different in personality to me.

I've an excellent relationship with my only sister. Growing up we did fight like siblings but I feel a few things meant we would always be close as adults:

  • my mum always told us even when we fought how important we'd be to each other
  • my mum was very close to her sister and always told us sisters were best friends
  • our home was very happy, stable sand fair so no complicated situations or favouritism for our relationship to navigate
Unicornfluffycloudsandrainbows · 19/12/2017 21:30

I have two DB both older I’m close to my eldest DB he’s godfather to my DS2 my second DB and I don’t get on I’m low contact as he was physically and emotionally abusive towards me throughout my childhood it knocked my confidence and he continues to bully me as an adult. Hs has dc as do I but he makes zero effort with them and lives far away. My DH has two sisters one he is very close to she’s always been hands on with the kids and she’s had dc of her own and the kids have a solid relationship together. DH other younger sister is a waste of space and has little interaction with dc or us. My own dc are close to one another. I wouldn’t let your own experience cloud wether or not you have more dc it’s completely down to the individual although I do think large age gaps don’t help.

Launderetta · 19/12/2017 21:33

Geographically, about 200 miles.
In every other aspect, tens of thousands.
Sibling went NC to whole family, with no notice or explanation; caused an immense amount of pain.

ThePinkOcelot · 19/12/2017 21:34

I have 2 of each. One ds lives on the other side of the world. The other ds I considered my best friend, the person I would go to first for anything. We’ve just had a major fallout that I think is irreparable. I’m feeling really upset about it at the moment.

happypoobum · 19/12/2017 21:35

I am the middle child of five. My two elder siblings live on a different continent but we are still in very regular contact and try to see each other every year. If I needed somewhere to go I could just turn up at their door, would be welcomed and be made safe, no questions asked.

Of two younger siblings, I am not close to the youngest, but am very close to second youngest, who lives closest to me. We see each other regularly and our DC are close.

DrDreReturns · 19/12/2017 21:35

I'm very close and get on really well with my sister, though I only see her a few times a year. We chat regularly.

burntoutmum · 19/12/2017 21:40

Not close at all. My brother is 18 months younger than me and we’re like chalk and cheese. I rather be like me Grin

We only see each other when our parents arrange us to all be together

spankhurst · 19/12/2017 21:41

Two brothers that I love but we are all very different people and not emotionally close.

DayKay · 19/12/2017 21:42

My siblings and I are very different but we’re all supportive of each other. We don’t see each other that often due to geography but we make an effort a few times a year. We don’t even call each other much but do message and we know we can rely on each other.
We respect each other’s boundaries and choices as we were taught that by our mum.
Now the cousins are growing up, they’re choosing to keep in touch with each other themselves as well as fostering relationships with their uncles and aunts.
It’s not perfect and we will rile each other but somehow it just works.

Mum2jenny · 19/12/2017 21:45

One sibling, younger than me, have ok-ish relationship, not much actual contact time but do speak on the phone twice a week. However we have absolutely nothing in common, no shared values, both very different individuals. Conversations can be awkward, but we are still in contact

DramaAlpaca · 19/12/2017 21:48

I've never been particularly close to my sibling, although we do love each other & get on reasonably well. We are very different people with nothing much in common apart from a shared upbringing. We live in different countries so we don't see each other often. I wish we did see more of each other, and that our children saw each other as well.

DH is quite close to his siblings and sees them regularly. I get on well with them too, which is nice.

EsmeeMerlin · 19/12/2017 21:52

I am fairly close to my siblings and talk to my younger sister at least once a week, and see her every month or so. We are chalk and cheese and used to argue all the time as children but becoming mothers at similar times have bought us closer.

My younger brother is a lot more like me and we have a lot in common but I see him less because he is busy a lot and he is not very good at making an effort to see family.