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Original poster

Am i wrong to judge DP from his behavior when he plays computer games

66 replies

Cottontaill · 19/12/2017 01:50

Hello. DP is on his thirties. We are together for three years and the relationship has its ups and downs. But his behavior when he plays computer games creeps me out and makes me feel exhausted. He will shout and smash things if he gets upset. He takes a lot of pride on his game "achievements" and he gets upset if i dont praise him enough. It seem so stupid that i have to take a game so seriously. The most disturbing though was something he said recently. He said that he makes friends in the games with people who done something wrong (as far as i see it he perceives wrong where there isnt any) so he can revenge them later.He has a notebook where he writes what they did to him so he can "get back to the feelings they caused him". Apparently he also holds something against me(in game) and he waits the right moment to revenge .He said that this is how he operates in real life too and made an example that if i ever cheat he maybe forgive me and we can move on to have a great life, kids etc but ten or twenty years down the line he will still remember and perhaps one day he will take revenge for what i did to him . I though that it was some sort of joke but he is serious.I mean its a game and in real life i dont plan to cheat but i find all that very disturbing

OP posts:

Mom2K · 19/12/2017 01:56

Walk away. No, run. This sounds very disturbing. It's not normal.

LadyB49 · 19/12/2017 01:57

Big red flag regarding his self control. He sounds off the wall with the noting of perceived slights..... Id be giving him a wide berth.

onanotherday · 19/12/2017 02:12

It's an addiction...and he seems to also be unable to disconnect. How old is he? Don't waste time on working it out or trying to 'fix' him. Walk away now. Good luck

Tumbleweeds24 · 19/12/2017 02:23

My OH is a huge gaming addict, I posted about it the other day actually. It is a royal pain in the arse.

Despite the fact he's totally absorbed in his own little 3D world I can say with certainty that it doesn't affect his emotions to the extent that seems to be the case with your partner.

Im inclined to say that your partners 'ways' are nothing to do with the gaming, but maybe an underlying personality disorder / personality trait.

Is there anything else about him that makes you suspect something is 'off' other than how he behaves surrounding the gaming.

Definitely sounds like something isn't right and I'm confident it's not console related

Hidingtonothing · 19/12/2017 02:23

There are lots of men out there who aren't like this OP, wouldn't you be happier with one of them? You're right it is disturbing.

laudanum · 19/12/2017 02:34

GET OUT NOW.

Lashalicious · 19/12/2017 02:57

RUN, don’t walk. What more do you need? He sounds mental. And a weirdo.

Lashalicious · 19/12/2017 02:58

Do you really want to have kids with this person?? Psycho alert.

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/12/2017 03:01

made an example that if i ever cheat he maybe forgive me and we can move on to have a great life, kids etc but ten or twenty years down the line he will still remember and perhaps one day he will take revenge for what i did to him

He is telling you he will lie and abuse you. Telling you. This is a warning and if you stay, he will assume that you are someone that can be abused. Please don't be that person.

Fromage · 19/12/2017 03:24

He sounds disturbed and no matter how great he is otherwise, this behaviour is a massive red siren.

I wouldn't judge his behaviour, I would judge him - this is him showing you who he is.

I don't think you will be safe in this relationship. He sounds potentially dangerous.

Extricate yourself carefully.

DarkPeakScouter · 19/12/2017 03:28

Jesus, let him go. He is actually telling you the sort of living hell hes going to put you through. And who makes friends with arseholes just do they can revenge themselves at a later date anyway

BitOutOfPractice · 19/12/2017 03:29

You'd lost me at "smash things up". Why stay with a violent man op?

RavenLG · 19/12/2017 03:33

I'm a gamer myself. My dear wonderful DP does laugh when I get shouty and annoyed as he doesn't really play games. I've thrown a few controllers and celebrate when I get a difficult achievement or complete something I've been stuck on for a while. I'd say that is fairly normal behaviour...

What you've described sounds absolutely fucking psychotic! This is NOT normal behaviour. He sounds majorly creepy and you need to get out while you can. This behaviour has nothing to do with gaming, it's a personality disorder I would be inclined to say.

Peanutbuttercheese · 19/12/2017 04:13

I game a lot and have all my life, getting annoyed when things go wrong can happen. But smashing stuff up? No way and a couple of people I have known online who do smash stuff, controllers mainly, caused problems so I had to block them as they were just bloody weird.

HoppingPavlova · 19/12/2017 04:42

Another run, don’t walk.

So disturbing on so many levels and completely abnormal. Get out now before kids make it that you have to deal with the craziness for the next 20 years. Even if you have kids and then leave you will still need to deal with him, nothing in your post indicates this will be good.

ohlittlepea · 19/12/2017 04:45

RUN. This isnt the kind of person you need to end up living with and definitelt not having children with. Please please get out while ypu can.

evilharpy · 19/12/2017 04:59

Jesus. This is scary. Leave him asap, PLEASE.

My husband is a gamer. He does a lot of online racing and it's all very serious and he comes to tell me when he did well in a race because he's all chuffed with himself. This is normal behaviour. He used to play shooty xbox games too but never felt the need to smash up the house or keep a revenge notebook. Nor do any of his gamer friends behave like this.

Anniegetyourgun · 19/12/2017 05:35

Another committed and over-involved gamer here saying RUN AWAY, RUN AWAY. He's actually told you he's not a safe person to commit to long term. If you can ignore what a bunch of strangers are telling you, at least don't ignore what the man himself said!

WinchestersInATardis · 19/12/2017 06:02

Run.
From your title, I was going to come on and say it's normal to vent a little when playing games but this is something else entirely.
The revenge thing in particular is horrifying.
You need to leave him, but take care how you do it. Maybe speak to Women's Aid for advice on how to do it as safely as possible as it sounds like he may be dangerous

NotAChristmasCakePop · 19/12/2017 06:44

That sounds so ominous and weird! I'd be planning an exit strategy very carefully making sure you're safe.

JingsMahBucket · 19/12/2017 06:45

I had a psycho ex like this who really held grudges and plotted on revenge on people...and did it, including me. He wasn't into games but the main point is that he was emotionally abusive. GET OUT NOW. Disentangle yourself, start saving money and look for a new place. Then go absolutely no contact and block him from everywhere.

HipNewName · 19/12/2017 06:57

I agree. He's crazy, and eventually will be hell to get away from. You need a clean break.

I'm willing to guess that there are other things in the relationship that are "off" that you either ignore, or don't recognize them for what they are.

mindutopia · 19/12/2017 07:03

I don’t get gaming (nor does my dh) and neither of us have ever done it, but honestly he sounds like a sociopath. I actually mean, he literally sounds like a sociopath. That’s not normal. I know you say he’ll do this in real life too, but do you actually see it? Either way I’d be out of there. No one who smashes this because of a game is someone I’d want to have children with.

43percentburnt · 19/12/2017 07:07

Run run run - his line about cheating and revenge tells you everything you need to know about him. He thinks such revenge is a) acceptable and b) sees no issue in saying that aloud.

An ex said something similar to me as a teenager. When we split up years later he tried to strangle me. Didn’t bat an eyelid afterwards, still thinks he did nothing wrong.

Smeaton · 19/12/2017 07:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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