Opinions gratefully received...

[confuzzledman]

Hi. I've been with my girlfriend for just over 9 months. I love her very much and everything is mostly very good. It's been a stressful year and sometimes we argue and to be honest, we both blow it out of proportion.

Anyway, this week, out of the blue, I get a completely random message from one of the mum's at my children's school.

Although I felt it was weird, I didn't want to cause any awkwardness so was what I thought was friendly in response. It started at night when my gf was with me. I didn't mention it at the time as I wasn't sure what to think. The 2nd day when my gf came around, I pointed out to this woman that I was with my gf. I also told me gf about the messages at this time, but didn't show her them..

The other woman then tried to "drunk call" me twice that night which lead to an argument between my girlfriend and I. She thinks I lead the woman on. While I thought the messages were odd, I don't think I lead her on really, and made it clear I had a gf, which didn't stop her.

The messages are below (sorry I couldn't attach them any other way). Names have been changed and emojis don't appear properly, but other than that, this is the entire conversation over both days.

My gf has actually left me over this. Is that a fair reaction? Be brutally honest...

15/12/2017, 22:19 - Other Person: Hi
15/12/2017, 22:20 - Other Person: Sorry! wrong message.
15/12/2017, 22:21 - Me: Haha. I do that all the time...
15/12/2017, 22:21 - Other Person: I should say wrong person! Sorry
15/12/2017, 22:24 - Other Person: Sorry I didnt mean to message you. How are yoi doing anyway?
15/12/2017, 22:26 - Me: All good ta
15/12/2017, 22:26 - Me: Happy that it's nearly the hols
15/12/2017, 22:26 - Me: You guys ok?
15/12/2017, 22:30 - Other Person: Yeah we are too! what are your plans for the holidays?
15/12/2017, 22:47 - Other Person: I am so sorry!! It was a druken message! Hope we are ok?
15/12/2017, 23:26 - Me: Drunken messages are the best types
15/12/2017, 23:26 - Me: I'm rather sober
15/12/2017, 23:27 - Me: So off to bed now.

16/12/2017, 18:39 - Me: Hey. You seemed quite worried yesterday. Relax. We all send the odd message in the wrong chat after a few lambrinis
16/12/2017, 18:41 - Other Person: Haha Yes we do! But again very sorry about that
16/12/2017, 18:42 - Me: It's really not a problem
16/12/2017, 18:46 - Other Person: Still I think I should stay away from phones when drunk
16/12/2017, 18:46 - Me: Shouldn't we all
16/12/2017, 18:48 - Other Person: True!
16/12/2017, 18:48 - Me: Kids excited for Christmas?
16/12/2017, 18:51 - Other Person: Yes they are! Not sure who is most excited though, just finished most of the wrapping so can relax a bit now. Yours?
16/12/2017, 18:51 - Me: I'm a bloke. I've hardly done any shopping. Yeah, the kids are with Mum for Christmas day this year. I'll get them when they break up for a couple of days, and then on 27th for a week.
16/12/2017, 18:52 - Me: so late Christmas for me this year
16/12/2017, 18:55 - Other Person: You should definitely start soon then.Ahhh that will be nice though, a week with them. I have the kids Christmas day, then they will be with their dad for 2 days on the 26th, I dont think I could handle them being away any longer.
16/12/2017, 18:56 - Other Person: I have to say, (son) was amazing in the school play. So good!
16/12/2017, 18:57 - Me: He was absolutely hilarios
16/12/2017, 18:57 - Me: hilarious
16/12/2017, 18:57 - Me: I have no idea what the eyes/silly faces were about
16/12/2017, 18:58 - Me: He's in his own little world most of the time. It seems like a nice world though so it's all good
16/12/2017, 19:00 - Other Person: he's a lovely kid! He really comes out of himself in all the school plays. A natural performer I think
16/12/2017, 19:00 - Me: He's a charmer
16/12/2017, 19:00 - Me: Always surrounded by the girls
16/12/2017, 19:02 - Me: He and (daughter) are so different. But she's had a much harder time over the last couple of years since Mum and I split.
16/12/2017, 19:03 - Other Person: He really is, (daughter) thinks he's great. I think they are a lot alike, come across all shy and sweet, but absolute loonies
16/12/2017, 19:04 - Other Person: Awww its always hard for kids when parents split, I only realised that you weren't together a few days ago, I always thought you were
16/12/2017, 19:05 - Me: ?
16/12/2017, 19:05 - Me: Really?
16/12/2017, 19:05 - Me: I thought is was quite a public split
16/12/2017, 19:07 - Other Person: No I had no idea. You were together at the start when they started reception?
16/12/2017, 19:08 - Me: No. I just thought that
16/12/2017, 19:08 - Me: Lots of the parents have kids in (daughter’s) year and (son’s) year
16/12/2017, 19:09 - Me: Well, it's fair to say it was a random couple of years or so
16/12/2017, 19:09 - Me: I'm always pleasantly surprised when I learn some people haven't heard a load of random shit about me though.
16/12/2017, 19:10 - Me: We separated in 2015
16/12/2017, 19:10 - Other Person: Oh ok, I'm completely oblivious to what the mums and dads are up to, prefer it that way! Ahhh really, now I'm interested
16/12/2017, 19:10 - Me: Haha
16/12/2017, 19:10 - Me: trust me
16/12/2017, 19:10 - Me: it's a story
16/12/2017, 19:11 - Me: but I'm very biased
16/12/2017, 19:11 - Me: so try not to tell it
16/12/2017, 19:11 - Me: If I stick to the absolute, non-deniable facts...
16/12/2017, 19:11 - Other Person: Ok enough said, I wont ask!
16/12/2017, 19:11 - Me: Nah, it doesn't bother me, I just don't want to throw mud at the children's mother
16/12/2017, 19:12 - Me: it's been a soap opera.
16/12/2017, 19:12 - Me: If I stick to absolute facts and nothing that can be debatable...
16/12/2017, 19:15 - Me: Aug 2015 separated. Nov 2015 I was arrested for "stalking". Aug 2016 found unanimously not guilty of stalking in crown court. Police didn't provide phone records I'd requested until the 2nd day of hearing (similar to what is in the news at the moment with that guy who was accused of rape). Sep 2016 started family court proceedings against Mum because I hardly saw the kids during the holidays. Feb 2017 had op to remove bowel cancer. April 2017, final family court hearing - got shared care and now have them 5 nights every 2 weeks during term time and half of all holidays.
16/12/2017, 19:15 - Me: I should write a book 😊
16/12/2017, 19:15 - Me: 😊
16/12/2017, 19:18 - Other Person: Oh wow! I'm really sorry to hear that and I thought me and their dad had an awkward relationship! 😕 You probably should 😉 xx
16/12/2017, 19:18 - Me: Haha
16/12/2017, 19:18 - Me: it's ok
16/12/2017, 19:19 - Me: Probably just a misunderstanding between Mum and I 🙂
16/12/2017, 19:19 - Me: I don't hold a grudge and I'm not bitter. As long as the kids are happy (which they are a lot since the family court) then it's all good.
16/12/2017, 19:19 - Me: I've learned a lot.
16/12/2017, 19:19 - Me: And life is awesome now
16/12/2017, 19:20 - Other Person: Well thats it, the kids are above anything else the most important thing ☺
16/12/2017, 19:20 - Me: They really are
16/12/2017, 19:21 - Me: On which note, I'm off to wrap the small amount of their presents I actually do have
16/12/2017, 19:21 - Me: Enjoy Saturday. Try not to drink too much and randomly message people 😉
16/12/2017, 19:22 - Other Person: 😊 Ok have a good evening and a great Christmas. Will see you at school! 😂 I'll try not to 😜
16/12/2017, 20:19 - Other Person: Hows that wrapping going? I am bored shitless, no kids and way to much lambrini
16/12/2017, 20:20 - Other Person: That sounded wrong on so many levels! Didnt mean anything by that lol
16/12/2017, 20:22 - Me: Haven't wrapped anything and girlfriend has as arrived now. Guess it will wait until tomorrow.
16/12/2017, 20:25 - Other Person: Ahhh ok fab! Have a great evening ☺
16/12/2017, 20:33 - Me: Aye. You too. Enjoy the rest of the weekend.
16/12/2017, 20:42 - Other Person: xx
16/12/2017, 22:05 - Other Person: Do you and your girlfriend?
16/12/2017, 22:07 - Other Person: Ekkk so sorry! I meant 'you and your girlfriend' lol. Im drubk texting
16/12/2017, 22:13 - Other Person: Missed voice call
16/12/2017, 22:14 - Other Person: drunk phoning
16/12/2017, 22:50 - Other Person: Missed voice call

[RebeccaWrongDaily]

was weird you went back for second helping the next day.
Is weird you have been 'done' for stalking (i find it odd. Very odd) and are using that to discredit your ex at the school gates.

I find it all very weird.

[DoItAgainBob]

So many unnecessary messages and all sent late a night. I wouldn't have replied at all or shut it down after a couple of messages. I've never had a text conversation that long with a school parent.

I'm not surprised she left if you can't see the issue.

[Karigan1]

I have a male friend who regularly oversteps the mark. My partner and I had this conversation the other day:,

Me: so had to slap *** down again the other day.
P: really
Me: yeah he sent me a message saying my tits looked great (we had been to a mutual friends do all together)
P: what did you do
Me: I told him he could get some too if he wanted and offered to help him find a plastic surgeon.
P: laughing - I wonder if he knows you tell me everything. It’s not even worth getting angry over as I know you won’t do anything. I’ll just leave it to you to sort it out.

That’s trust. Without it relationships don’t work. And he’s right I would never cheat on him because he means the world to me. So to me it seems an overreaction.

However it was pretty silly for you to initiate the second conversation. Never trust an oops drunk message

[toastedteacakesandjam]

If my H did this he'd be dumped too! IMO you were enjoying the attention and were flirting. This woman was obviously up to no good. You even instigated conversations I bet she thinks she's well in there! Your poor ex GF

[debbs77]

Nothing too flirty BUT you continued the conversation very early on which could easily have been left as it was, such as messaging the next day. She messaged, she apologised, you said hi, should've ended there.

[Ashamedandblamed]

I find it weird how you talked about your split with ex so much but didn't mention your new gf.

This would piss me off.

[inlectorecumbit]

Yep l get why you GF is very unhappy. Too much information and chatting over several occasions after a supposed drunk call. I don't think it was a mistake she started the text conversation l think she was fishing to find out if you were single and interested.
You should have shut the conversation down right way---far far too much information was divulged to an apparent "stranger.

[Insomeotheruniverse]

Your conversation seemed quite encouraging. I can see how the other person may have got the wrong idea. I think you liked the attention or there is no way you’d have kept the conversation going like you did. I’m not surprised your gf got annoyed by it. I’d be questioning your motives too.

[Karigan1]

I’ve obviously misunderstood something because posters keep saying things like stranger. It was my understanding that this was a mum at his kids school. School gates are ‘political’ in themselves and can impact on kids lives. I don’t think he had any option but to respond and polite and no doubt they’ve interacted at events before even if it’s just a little.

[EndofSummer]

Oh yes OP you led her on. And you know it! You were so enjoying the attention.

You kept the conversation going with someone who had obvious interest, and you bought up intimate and personal information. The way you just ‘mention’ your GF - as if she were in the background. Not nice. I think if she left she’s saved herself.

[clearingaspaceforthecat]

You instigated contact again the night after.
For me, that is overstepping a boundary.
I can see why your GF is upset.
I think you need to take responsibility for the choice you made. Acknowledge your mistake rather than try to minimise it and appreciate how much it has hurt your GF. Then try to make amends. But I suspect it may be too late.

[userxx]

That's a lot of messages. I think I would have got the wrong idea too - most of my relationships have started this way.

[VelvetSpoon]

If I was your gf I think what would annoy me was the fact you said loads about your ex, court case, bowel cancer. Gave her a whole history of your life over the last 2 years but didn't make any mention of your gf. Who one would think was worth mentioning as something positive, some good news after some hard times.

You didn't mention her for one of 2 reasons.

Either you were trying to flirt with school mum and knew as soon as you mentioned your gf, she'd back off.

Or you didn't mention her because she isn't that important to you.

Neither of those options say much for the future of your relationship.

[confuzzledman]

@VelvetSpoon - my gf never mentions me on social media, despite using it a lot. I think that's strange too, but people are different. I think people talking about their bf or gf all the time are weird.

To all the people who say she's a stranger, she's not. I drop the kids of at school three times a fortnight and see her regularly. I did think the original message was weird, but I don't think I ever took the conversation to a place that suggested I was interested. When most of the playground has been alienated against you for things you didn't do. @RebeccaWrongDaily - I was unanimously cleared and the police had witheld text messages prior to the case. So I wasn't "done" at all. The subsequent family court awarded me a shared care order too, so they clearly saw through it too.

It doesn't make my conversation right, but I really was just trying to be friendly. I will state again, I have no interest in this other woman - or any other woman for that matter.

[CremeFresh]

It's nice to be friendly, and while your messages didn't contain anything overly flirtatious at this point my guess is it probably would progress to being flirty , from one party at least.

[DoItAgainBob]

have no interest in this other woman - or any other woman for that matter.

The messaging suggest differently. You GF picked up on it, posters here picked up in it, I suspect school mum thinks your interested. May be reflect on that. You asked for honest answers.

[CremeFresh]

Most affairs start with 'normal' conversation and progress from there.

[offside]

I also wouldn’t be happy if I was your GF.

I read it as you opening up the conversation to continue and she initially was giving you quite closed responses but you obviously didn’t pick up on that.

I agree with another pp that it seems like you enjoyed the attention, if not and you thought it was weird why did you see intiate a conversation after she had said she was sorry nd she didn’t mean to send you a message? If I received a message that I thought was weird I wouldn’t respond at all.

I see your GF point of view here and think you’re playing the role of the poor dumb can’t see what I’ve done wrong BF when if you think about it and are honest with yourself about the reason for sparking that conversation up, you will understand your GF point of view too.

[bastardkitty]

She massively overstepped boundaries and your replies were inappropriate. You unnecessarily prolonged the exchange. If I was your partner I would be very concerned about your boundaries and if I learned you had sent a message saying you weren't going to message any more because your girlfriend was upset, that would be the last you heard from me.

[Regularsizedrudy]

Yeah I think your being a dickhead.

• you continue to text her when there is no need
  

-She basically asks if your single when she states she didn’t realise you had spilt from the kids Mum. You don’t mention your girlfriend.

• you go into a weird amount of detail
  

You were flirting. And leading this woman on who clearly though you were single right until the end of the conversation. I’d dump you.

[RemainOptimistic]

That first set of messages is flirting. Needlessly so. Someone sends you a message by mistake, OK is all you need to reply with.

You're in total denial here. You're loving the attention and even if you're not sexually interested in this woman you are certainly using her to massage your ego and wind up your gf.

Get a grip and stop acting like a teenager.

[Insomnibrat]

I agree with your girlfriend.
If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck.....

[Pannacott]

I would find that very weird if my partner engaged in a message exchange like that.

You are clearly encouraging her to keep messaging, you are giving lots of personal info about your life, but you don't mention having a girlfriend until right at the end.

At best you are coming off as rather needy for female attention. I can understand why she left you if this is a habitual way you have of interacting with other women.

[loveyoutothemoon]

Have you heard from your girlfriend?

[Charley50]

I think your girlfriend did the right thing to dump you. You instigated half the conversations and were massively oversharing about very personal things, but forgetting to mention your gf.