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Original poster

How should I feel about this? Feel hurt, disgusted and like I can't move past it.

60 replies

AlwaysPondering · 15/12/2017 12:38

I have recently discovered that DP has searched for naked images of a couple of celebrities at different times.

DP is 32 and these women are 20. I'm not sure if he knows their age, just likes how they look from tv/music video and wants to know if he can see more. I don't know whether to be disgusted that they are 12 yrs younger or not? But I feel disgusted.

These women are very different to me as well. Very skinny. Very short. I'm 5"10 and carrying a little weight since 2 DC. Not much but a bit of a flabbier belly. Stretch marks. DC are almost 3yo and 18mo. Could have lost weight and toned up and bit and I do plan to but I've had a mentally bad year and not looked after myself. Aside from that I could never be like them even if I lost weight.

It has knocked my confidence massively. I hated when he looked at porn (which wasn't often and didn't affect sex life, but still) in the past but this feels worse, I guess because he seeked them out and because I can see what kind of women he is into.

We basically share a tablet which he sometimes uses at work. I then see at home when I use it but cannot mention it as my mum was visiting. When my mum was out and we spoke on the phone I mentioned it and he denied it. Then he cleared that bit of history as he had it again that day.

Surely he must be wanking at work?

Today he messaged admitting the truth that he did search those images so at least he is no longer lying. He said sorry etc. But I just feel shit. I don't know how to move past it.

Please tell me your thoughts on this?

OP posts:
nutnerk · 15/12/2017 15:03

Some men just aren't super complimentary - and you may just need to accept that. The fact he is with you means he fancies you, forget about the other girls! Men can like both thin and curvy, and I'm hoping that's not the only reason you're together!
Concentrate on what makes you great together - shared interests, doing fun things together etc - focus on that and enjoy your relationship. You need to take the pressure off worrying about compliments, worrying about your body, not having sex etc - that's what ruins a relationship. I'm sure he loves you for you - and a little extra to grab on to really doesn't matter when you have a connection with someone.

Cantuccit · 15/12/2017 15:04

Is he aware that his employers can see what he is searching online? The iPad is using their Wifi so they can monitor it if they wish.

It's ok not be ok with this, OP. Not much you can do stop him, but I wouldn't say it's normal.

toastedteacakesandjam · 15/12/2017 17:05

You're entitled to feel however you do... maybe start up your own online searches for males very different to your DP. I'm sure he won't mind, after all it's perfectly normal.

AmeliaFlashtart · 15/12/2017 19:32

Trying to stop men peeking at naked women is like telling birds to stop flying over your house and garden. Don't attempt to police your partner because of your insecurities, that'll never work. Work on yourself.

Offred · 15/12/2017 19:38

🙄

GabsAlot · 15/12/2017 20:12

do u mean like when orlando bloom went surfin naked?

i lookd thatup sure it wasnt on a shared tablet but i think your reachin a bit about the wankin at work

PinkChestnut · 16/12/2017 07:27

I wouldn't like this either OP

Men don't NEED to look at naked ladies when in a relationship Hmm what utter drivel.

Bluntness100 · 16/12/2017 07:38

Yup, what happens is when you get into a relationship with a man, they are so in love and lust with you, they never ever want to see another naked woman. And even if they did, they would only want to see women who looked exactly like you. This is the way it works. Plenty of women around to tell you their husbands would never look, they just love respect lust and adore them too much,,,,

Or, back in the real world. It’s just looking at a naked pic.and it means nothing and no one should give a shit, and every blokes done it. Just some of them are better at hiding their tracks and lying about it, and have wives who desperately wish to believe it,

Don’t stress about this op, it doesn’t mean he loves or fancies you less.

SnowGlitter · 16/12/2017 07:53

You know i read shit like this and it makes me glad I'm single. And the "all men do it", "men can't help themselves"... well perhaps they ought to develop a bit of respect and self constraint.

WunWun · 16/12/2017 08:00
WunWun · 16/12/2017 08:01
AmeliaFlashtart · 16/12/2017 08:18

There's nothing wrong with the naked form nor is it a perversion to look at naked people. Some of you are such prudes it's hilarious.

Isetan · 16/12/2017 09:00

Everything Ofred said.

I personally think people are way more attractive with their clothes on and if we were all walking around naked I’d never be attracted to anyone, that neither makes me liberated or a prude.

nutnerk · 16/12/2017 09:38

@wunwun

I thought by 'penny' you meant penis haha

OldPony · 16/12/2017 09:51

Just search for Lenny Kravitz penis gifs.
It's very funny!

Bluntness100 · 16/12/2017 09:57

You know i read shit like this and it makes me glad I'm single. And the "all men do it", "men can't help themselves"... well perhaps they ought to develop a bit of respect and self constraint

Jeez. As a previous poster said there is nothing wrong or perverse about looking at a naked body. I suspect with attitude like that you’ll be single for a long time, so it’s good you’re happy about it.

Honestly some of rhe uptight, downright strange views being aired on here are bewildering, it’s like something from the Victorian ages where the glimpse of an ankle was scandalous.

Unclutch the pearls. Unclench your arse, it’s a nude pic of a celeb ffs.

ItsAllABitStrangeReally · 16/12/2017 10:06

Ive searched leaked, naked celeb pictures / sex tapes and im.an old lady female.

I'm not all that interested in their nakedness tbh, im just a nosey cow with too much time on my hands.

RomansRevenge · 16/12/2017 10:13

If Chris Hemsworth had pictures of his wang out id be right there.

Actually probably so would the OH 🤔

Original poster
AlwaysPondering · 16/12/2017 10:17

We did talk about it and I do feel better. He said he'd watched a YT video which listed how certain celebs got famous and one was for nude pics and he was curious. The other was an article referring to a nude sex scene in a series we watched which he couldn't recall and again he was curious. Which is fair enough. I obviously made a massive leap.

The wanking suggestion was dramatic yes and I feel a bit foolish about it all now tbh.

I guess I knew I was being irrational which is why I started this thread. To gain some perspective before we talked about it.

I definitely invested too much emotion into it but thankfully we've had a good talk and moved on from it.

It isn't something I like still, but I shouldn't make it about myself. i.e. he's looking at her because he doesn't fancy me. Which I know now is nonsence.

Thank you for your honest opinions.

OP posts:
MyDarlingWhatIfYouFly · 16/12/2017 10:19

People find a wide range of physical and personality traits attractive. Just because one of the people he looked at was thin - it doesn't mean that he doesn't find your body shape attractive too.

There's a certain sports star who I find super attractive (and yes I regularly see topless photos of him on adverts etc and I always pause to appreciate). He looks nothing like my husband and it's no reflection on him.

I think you need to deal with your own view of your body. Your husband will likely find many people attractive over the course of his life, it's totally natural. But you can't take that as a reflection on you. It will destroy your self-esteem.

ButchyRestingFace · 16/12/2017 10:26

If Chris Hemsworth had pictures of his wang out id be right there.

Christ, I wouldn’t. The rest of him is lovely. But I can’t imagine what a bloke would have to do to make a penis remotely aesthetically appealing to me.

Original poster
AlwaysPondering · 16/12/2017 10:30

Everything who said I need to work on my own esteem issues is totally right. It's something I've kind of known but hearing it has helped and I definitely have some physical and mental goals going forward. Thanks again.

OP posts:
Original poster
AlwaysPondering · 16/12/2017 10:30

butchy GrinGrin

OP posts:
AmeliaFlashtart · 16/12/2017 11:38

OP FYI I google all sorts - lady boys, naked famous men/women, it's pure curiosity nowt else.

Bringbeboback · 16/12/2017 11:49

I used to be like this and would even feel upset if we were watching a film and there was a topless woman in it briefly. I used to avoid the sorts of holidays with him too where women might be half naked on the beach.
The older I get the more I realise that i’ll never be able to meet someone who doesn’t ever find someone else sexy. I find plenty of male celebs hot and if a naked photo of them was online then i’d 100% check it out. I think it’s a fairly normal thing to do as humans are naturally curious about things to do with sex.
The male celeb that I fancy the most looks nothing like my OH. They have completely different builds and different hair colour etc. I still fancy my OH the most though and would never want to leave him for anyone else, no matter how attractive they were.
As for the age thing - I’m sure most men of all ages would look at a beautiful 20 year old and appreciate that she’s nice to look at. Maybe he didn’t know exactly how old she was and might have thought she was more like mid 20s.
Does he make you feel good about yourself with compliments? Do you have a good sex life together?