How should I feel about this? Feel hurt, disgusted and like I can't move past it.

[AlwaysPondering]

I have recently discovered that DP has searched for naked images of a couple of celebrities at different times.

DP is 32 and these women are 20. I'm not sure if he knows their age, just likes how they look from tv/music video and wants to know if he can see more. I don't know whether to be disgusted that they are 12 yrs younger or not? But I feel disgusted.

These women are very different to me as well. Very skinny. Very short. I'm 5"10 and carrying a little weight since 2 DC. Not much but a bit of a flabbier belly. Stretch marks. DC are almost 3yo and 18mo. Could have lost weight and toned up and bit and I do plan to but I've had a mentally bad year and not looked after myself. Aside from that I could never be like them even if I lost weight.

It has knocked my confidence massively. I hated when he looked at porn (which wasn't often and didn't affect sex life, but still) in the past but this feels worse, I guess because he seeked them out and because I can see what kind of women he is into.

We basically share a tablet which he sometimes uses at work. I then see at home when I use it but cannot mention it as my mum was visiting. When my mum was out and we spoke on the phone I mentioned it and he denied it. Then he cleared that bit of history as he had it again that day.

Surely he must be wanking at work?

Today he messaged admitting the truth that he did search those images so at least he is no longer lying. He said sorry etc. But I just feel shit. I don't know how to move past it.

Please tell me your thoughts on this?

[QuackPorridgeBacon]

Did he lie though? Had you already said that you wouldn’t like it or did he just not tell you and also didn’t know your opinion on it? If he knew then yeah the lying was wrong but if he didn’t know your view then how could he know to avoid it? I see you have sorted things but I was just wondering if it had already been talked about.

[TammySwansonTwo]

I'm still gobsmacked that anyone can suggest that it's controlling to expect your partner to not look at other people naked. Controlling?! Madness. There are so many double standards around this issue and viewing other people naked or having sex is not an inalienable human right, FFS.

[SnowGlitter]

I've never looked up a naked picture of anyone online.

[Jellyheadbang]

I have an issue with porn but if I thought there might be naked pics online of an actor I like I’d have a look no qualms.
If it’s part of a bigger picture, eg possible unfaithful behaviour, porn problem etc I’d be concerned.
For various reading I’m very anxious, jealous and paranoid in relationships nowadays but I really wouldn’t have any issue with this kind of web browsing.
I do hate liars tho so his lying would upset me more than those pictures.
.

[AlwaysPondering]

I mean two previous posters. Very helpful. Thank you

[AlwaysPondering]

Two previous posts have been great, thank you.

The lying did really hurt and we have talked more about that today. When I brought it up today he seemed to think I was bringing up the naked searches again but after a while he finally grasped that I needed to address the fact he lied etc. That the lying was the bigger issue. For now I feel we have moved past it and my next goal is to work on myself.

[Fitbitironic]

And there is a massive difference between appreciation of good looking ppl you come across and deliberately looking up naked pictures of other ppl for sexual gratification while in a ltr, so the argument that everyone enjoys looking at good looking ppl doesn't really stretch to cover blatant porn and nudity seeking behaviour at all.

[Fitbitironic]

Doesn't really matter if 80% of ppl commenting on here tell you all men (and some women ) seek out naked pictures of other while in a ltr. Two points:

1. Make sure he's completely fine with you doing the same, otherwise he's controlling,
   
2. He lied to you about it, which is NOT RIGHT. He'll probably have the excuse it was because he knew you wouldn't like it, didn't want to get into trouble, what you don't know won't hurt you, etc. Once you know he's fine lying to you to hide things he wants to do and knows you wouldn't be fine with, you'll wonder what else this could apply to. Lying to you is a really bad habit to get into. Make sure he knows you won't tolerate it again.
   

And wanting to be treated equally and not be lied to is in no way being insecure.

[mogratpineapple]

You feel what you feel, end of. No one can say that you 'shouldn't' feel that way because you do.

Lying is probably worse than the other thing I bet. My advice is to be open and honest with each other. Doing things of a sexual nature (albeit a minor kind of sexual thing) behind your partner's back can lead to mistrust. You have told him how you feel and now both of you need to define what you want to happen next, what you are both ok with and not ok with. Ultimately you can't stop him doing what he wants so you need to protect yourself from feeling bad. Maybe not look at his pc or something. Make sure you get out and have your own life to build up your self-esteem.

[Chippyway]

I don't have a chip on my shoulder at all. The point is, is not up to you or anyone else here whether she has a problem with this, and insulting and patronising the woman won't change how she feels about it. Just because porn has become so normalised in our society doesn't mean we have to accept it

You do. You seem to think any man who watches porn or looks at a woman that isn’t his wife/girlfriend is the devil.

I’m not patronising or insulting the OP either, thanks. I simply pointed out that she is insecure and has self esteem issues, which she also admits, which is a great thing to realise because she will know what to work on

But regardless, it is NOT healthy to get in a relationship and expect your partner to never look at another person ever again. We are all humans, it is NATURAL to be attracted to people - getting into a relationship doesn’t mean all your natural urges and instincts vanish out the window

My partner prefers brunettes. I am also brunette myself but I know of several celebrities who are blonde that he’s attracted to. Am I gunna go cry about it on mumsnet and dye my hair blonde? No!!! I’m gunna accept that he finds someone else attractive as they are good looking people and never give it another thought

OP, your partner probably does wank over an attractive woman he’s seen on tv or in porn. Sorry, but it’s the truth. To think he only ever thinks of you and him is unrealistic, and that is what’s gunna hurt you more.
The fact he does this doesn’t mean a damn thing.

He still loves you. He still finds you attractive. You’re still the most important person to him. But just because of all that, it does not mean he no longer finds another woman sexually attractive

The most damaging thing you can do is think he shouldn’t be thinking or looking at any other human being. Because that’s never gunna happen. And when it does happen, you’re just gunna feel hurt.

Accept that yes, he probably does think that half naked woman on tv is ridiculously hot, but so what?? It means NOTHING!

[Bringbeboback]

I used to be like this and would even feel upset if we were watching a film and there was a topless woman in it briefly. I used to avoid the sorts of holidays with him too where women might be half naked on the beach.
The older I get the more I realise that i’ll never be able to meet someone who doesn’t ever find someone else sexy. I find plenty of male celebs hot and if a naked photo of them was online then i’d 100% check it out. I think it’s a fairly normal thing to do as humans are naturally curious about things to do with sex.
The male celeb that I fancy the most looks nothing like my OH. They have completely different builds and different hair colour etc. I still fancy my OH the most though and would never want to leave him for anyone else, no matter how attractive they were.
As for the age thing - I’m sure most men of all ages would look at a beautiful 20 year old and appreciate that she’s nice to look at. Maybe he didn’t know exactly how old she was and might have thought she was more like mid 20s.
Does he make you feel good about yourself with compliments? Do you have a good sex life together?

[AmeliaFlashtart]

OP FYI I google all sorts - lady boys, naked famous men/women, it's pure curiosity nowt else.

[AlwaysPondering]

butchy

[AlwaysPondering]

Everything who said I need to work on my own esteem issues is totally right. It's something I've kind of known but hearing it has helped and I definitely have some physical and mental goals going forward. Thanks again.

[ButchyRestingFace]

If Chris Hemsworth had pictures of his wang out id be right there.

Christ, I wouldn’t. The rest of him is lovely. But I can’t imagine what a bloke would have to do to make a penis remotely aesthetically appealing to me.

[MyDarlingWhatIfYouFly]

People find a wide range of physical and personality traits attractive. Just because one of the people he looked at was thin - it doesn't mean that he doesn't find your body shape attractive too.

There's a certain sports star who I find super attractive (and yes I regularly see topless photos of him on adverts etc and I always pause to appreciate). He looks nothing like my husband and it's no reflection on him.

I think you need to deal with your own view of your body. Your husband will likely find many people attractive over the course of his life, it's totally natural. But you can't take that as a reflection on you. It will destroy your self-esteem.

[AlwaysPondering]

We did talk about it and I do feel better. He said he'd watched a YT video which listed how certain celebs got famous and one was for nude pics and he was curious. The other was an article referring to a nude sex scene in a series we watched which he couldn't recall and again he was curious. Which is fair enough. I obviously made a massive leap.

The wanking suggestion was dramatic yes and I feel a bit foolish about it all now tbh.

I guess I knew I was being irrational which is why I started this thread. To gain some perspective before we talked about it.

I definitely invested too much emotion into it but thankfully we've had a good talk and moved on from it.

It isn't something I like still, but I shouldn't make it about myself. i.e. he's looking at her because he doesn't fancy me. Which I know now is nonsence.

Thank you for your honest opinions.

[RomansRevenge]

If Chris Hemsworth had pictures of his wang out id be right there.

Actually probably so would the OH 🤔

[ItsAllABitStrangeReally]

Ive searched leaked, naked celeb pictures / sex tapes and im.an old lady female.

I'm not all that interested in their nakedness tbh, im just a nosey cow with too much time on my hands.

[Bluntness100]

You know i read shit like this and it makes me glad I'm single. And the "all men do it", "men can't help themselves"... well perhaps they ought to develop a bit of respect and self constraint

Jeez. As a previous poster said there is nothing wrong or perverse about looking at a naked body. I suspect with attitude like that you’ll be single for a long time, so it’s good you’re happy about it.

Honestly some of rhe uptight, downright strange views being aired on here are bewildering, it’s like something from the Victorian ages where the glimpse of an ankle was scandalous.

Unclutch the pearls. Unclench your arse, it’s a nude pic of a celeb ffs.

[OldPony]

Just search for Lenny Kravitz penis gifs.
It's very funny!

[nutnerk]

@wunwun

I thought by 'penny' you meant penis haha

[Isetan]

Everything Ofred said.

I personally think people are way more attractive with their clothes on and if we were all walking around naked I’d never be attracted to anyone, that neither makes me liberated or a prude.

[AmeliaFlashtart]

There's nothing wrong with the naked form nor is it a perversion to look at naked people. Some of you are such prudes it's hilarious.

[WunWun]