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Original poster

In love with my ex, any chance we will get back together?

64 replies

Marveldc · 09/12/2017 17:50

I broke up with my bf 6 months ago as my life had some issues I needed to sort. We had been together on and off(due to my issues) for 2 years. 5 months ago my ex wanted to see me again and even asked me to be his gf, however a week later he decided he didn’t want to get back together because nothing had changed and I still had the issues I wanted to sort out.
For 4 months we had zero contact. I messaged him the other week to ask if he wanted to meet up for a cuppa to be friends. He said sorry but didn’t think that was a good idea, he is seeing someone. He then went on to ask how me and my kids are and asking how life is. We texted for 2 hours. I said out of respect for his gf I won’t message him but he knows how to contact me.
I feel he is the man for me. Is this it or is there hope he still has feelings for me? He said he didn’t hate me and he thought I might have hated him but I said I don’t.
I really miss him and love him. He’s on my mind every day.
I’m not in a position to move on at the moment and no desire to either as still love my ex.
Any chance we will ever be together again??

OP posts:
NotTheFordType · 09/12/2017 18:11

No.

Original poster
Marveldc · 09/12/2017 18:19

Notthefordtype thank you for your input. May I ask why you say that?

OP posts:
Youngmystery · 09/12/2017 18:42

No. He is with someone else.

You can move on too. You don't need yo be in a relationship to move on. Focus on your kids and you for now, don't go looking for another relationship for a while, with him or anyone else.

Dozer · 09/12/2017 18:43

What were the “issues”? Who ended the relationship each time?

Best keep out of his way. If he becomes single and wishes to see you he will be in touch, but pointless waiting around.

Theresnonamesleft · 09/12/2017 18:48

He’s moved on. And tbh it really wasn’t a stable relationship to begin with. Sounds like it was a lot of work with all the splits in 2 years. Relationships shouldn’t be that hard.

Ecureuil · 09/12/2017 18:49

No, he’s moved on.
Work on your issues, work on being happy single and then maybe you’ll be in a good position to have a relationship with someone.

Tinselistacky · 09/12/2017 18:51

Imo once one of you has slept with someone else there is no going back.

Aminuts23 · 09/12/2017 18:51

He’s with someone else. I think you need to try to move on

Original poster
Marveldc · 09/12/2017 18:56

The first time we broke up he broke up with me after 3 mths together, he wasn't sure he could cope with having step kids as he doesn't have any, but a few days later we got bk together as he realised he'd made a mistake, he was amazing with my kids. After that it was me who broke up with him not because I didn't love him but because I needed to sort my issues and it was harder in a relationship to sort them.
My issues: my former religion kicked me out and all my family and friends stopped talking to me because I was living in "sin" 🙄 i was pressured to get married so my family would accept me again.
My job was 1.5 hr drive from where he lived and I had a lot of debt, when I moved in with him I had £0 left after paying bills, I had no money for buying clothes for my kids. I needed a new job and to pay down debts, I don't want part of the religion but can get my family bk if I go back to the religion for a while, then I will leave again once in favour.
I was separated from my husband when I got with my bf. I'm now divorced so will be easier to move away from the religion.
Sorry for the long post, I appreciate anyone reading it :)

OP posts:
Offred · 09/12/2017 19:02

Concentrate on getting your life stable.

I think you are focusing on him as the answer to your issues when in reality you would be much better spending time single and establishing some stability for you and your kids.

CheatsNeverProsper · 09/12/2017 19:05

It was over six months ago, he's moved on and he's told you he's not interested. What gives you the idea from that that he's the man for you?

And tbh it sounds as if although you're aware of your issues re debt and separation from your religion/family, you're still nowhere near resolving those issues in fact you want to use your family to pay off your debts and then walk away from them again once you've got what you need.

Resolve your issues with your family, pay off your debts, leave the religion if that's what you want to do, and then find the strength to move on into a different relationship. But this man has made it very clear that he's not interested in a relationship with you.

Original poster
Marveldc · 09/12/2017 19:13

We were close to getting married, he loved me a lot. 5 months ago he told me if it's meant to be we will get bk together some time.
When I texted him last week he wanted to know about my life and the kids. He's never said to me he doesn't have feelings for me or doesn't want to try us again.
Why would he want to talk to me if he was moving on and didn't ever want to have anything to do with me?
He said the reason not to meet up was because his gf probably wouldn't like it. But that's not saying it's because he doesn't want too??

OP posts:
Ecureuil · 09/12/2017 19:17

He said he doesn’t hate you. That’s not the same as still having feelings for you.
If he wanted to be with you, he wouldn’t be with someone else.
It’s normal to be interested in the welfare of someone you were once close to. That doesn’t mean you’re meant to be together.

Offred · 09/12/2017 19:17

We were close to getting married, he loved me a lot.

This means absolutely nothing about the seriousness or longevity or appropriateness of your relationship with him given the context you have given (overwhelming pressure from your family and religion to get married).

Why would he want to talk to me if he was moving on and didn't ever want to have anything to do with me?

Because your relationship, to put it bluntly, really fucked with his head due to the head fucking circumstances of your life.

Aminuts23 · 09/12/2017 19:19

Good grief woman. He chatted to you because your old friends. I chat to my ex’s, it doesn’t mean I want them back. Far from it. He didn’t meet you because he has a gf that he cares about and doesn’t want to upset her. Leave him be. Concentrate on yourself and move forwards. He has.

Zeelove · 09/12/2017 19:19

You need to back off him and move on. He's in a new relationship.

Offred · 09/12/2017 19:21

It would be very cruel of you, whether the circumstances you are in are all you fault or a mixture of problems, to dump him then start trying to manipulate him back into a relationship the minute he moves on with someone else.

You haven’t sorted your life out. That was the reason you dumped him, to sort out this stuff.

Leave the poor guy alone!

Original poster
Marveldc · 09/12/2017 19:25

I'm not messaging him and not going to message him. If he ever wants to contact me he will I know that.
I just wanted to know others viewpoint on it. I do appreciate all your feedback. Obviously I'm not gonna wake up one day and be over him it's gonna take time. My situation will be sorted in 6 months which gives me time to see what happens.
I have had a very stressful two years as well as the best two years of my life. I met an amazing guy but also lost my family, had a miscarriage, got divorced, moved 3 times. It's been hard. I guess if I have just one small glimmer of hope I want to hold on to it.

OP posts:
Zeelove · 09/12/2017 19:27

You can't move on if your holding on to 'one glimmer of hope'. Be kind to yourself. Deleted all traces..

I always wonder how amazing some men can me if it takes the person months and months to get over them.

Offred · 09/12/2017 19:29

I guess if I have just one small glimmer of hope I want to hold on to it.

This is the real truth.

You have all the rest of your life, once your stuff is sorted, to meet someone, fall in love and have happiness.

That person is unlikely to be him, your mind is simply wandering to him because he has probably been the only happy thing in the last few years.

But I reckon that happiness will turn out to be a pale version in comparison to the real happiness you could feel in the future having got yourself more stable and secure and in the right frame of mind to have a relationship without any of the crap to do with your ex husband, your debts, your family and religion.

PuertoVallarta · 09/12/2017 19:31

Please don't try to be an OW.

It's very hard to be strong and single and face all the issues you describe having to work through. You will come out stronger, though, as cliche as it sounds.

fairgame84 · 09/12/2017 19:33

Don't hold on to it you will waste your life. You are reading way too much into this. He was being nice, it doesn't mean he wants you back.
Don't hold on to the hope that he will get back with once all your issues are sorted. By that time he will be a further 6 months into his new relationship. If you were really meant to be then you would have stayed together through all of your issues. Relationships aren't working if you break up whenever times get tough, regardless of whether it was yours or his decision to end it.

Angelf1sh · 09/12/2017 20:23

He’s moved on and you need to too. He’s not your saviour, stop pinning your future happiness on a (made up) “glimmer of hope”. You need to work on yourself and forget about him.

Original poster
Marveldc · 09/12/2017 20:39

I'm not in a position to date anyone else for another 6 months at least. I am working on my issues and improving myself.
Unfortunately it's hard to control thinking. The minute I wake up until I fall asleep at night he is on my mind. No matter how hard I try to think about other things everything reminds me of him.
Any suggestions?

OP posts:
Offred · 09/12/2017 20:47

proper NC and distracting yourself when you think of him.

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