This is going to sound really silly compared to a lot of other peoples' problems but I'm sitting here in tears trying to look after my newborn and toddler. Also apologies it is so long, it has just happened a couple of hours ago and I've not really got my head on straight.
DP has ongoing issues with depression and anxiety. We have a 3 week old son and a 2 year old daughter. He has not been medicated (well, medicated by a doctor anyway) for his depression before and started very recently on sertraline, which is making him extremely drowsy to the point of not being able to function. This has been a little difficult for me to deal with as I have to deal with the newborn and my 2 year old most of the time. Frankly it's also quite upsetting seeing him basically become a zombie version of himself. He just moves around the house literally falling asleep where he stands.
It's a few of nights in a row now that I've been doing all the waking up with the newborn and he is still waking every 2 hours or so a night. My toddler then gets up and it's all go for the rest of the day until 8pm. I'm really tired and he has a few good hours from morning til late afternoon/evening where he is normal, so yesterday and this morning I asked him if he could please grab the toddler some juice and cereal (she then settles down herself watching TV so is no hassle) and feed the baby a bottle. Yesterday was met with a bit of frustration and, I;m not sure what the right word is, sort of scepticism as to why I would need him to do that or why I might need a couple of hours of unbroken sleep.
Last night was even worse; DD was terrified of the wind and wanted me to stay in her bed with her. She was up a few times and between her and the baby I was basically up all night. At 9:30am, I asked if he could do the baby's feed when he woke up naturally and he said okay, but then handed me the milk and sat down with the laptop. I was obviously upset by this; he is showing no appreciation whatsoever for the fact that I was taking on all of the housework and childcare - it seemed really out of character. Despite his flaws I would say we are really in love and good at being considerate and thoughtful to eachother, and we are really happy in eachother's company.
I was upset, tired, hormonal, but fed and settled the baby and tried to go to sleep since DP was there with DD. I can't even remember what it was as I was so tired but he was stressing at me as I was falling asleep because he had tried to touch me or something and I had told him I was upset with him for not helping me at all with the baby. When I woke up he was being very sombre and silent with me. He was clearly annoyed that I had called him out at being IMO inconsiderate and he then gave me the cold shoulder, which he does whenever we have an altercation. I hate this, it goes on for ages with both of us being grumpy and me being extra upset and frustrated because I just want to talk about our feelings, address any issues and move on, go back to being a happy couple. He never wants to do this, he prefers to wait around silently and then eventually just start talking again. I really don't like it, but we don't come to this often.
However this morning I was at the end of my tether. I was getting more and more upset as he was making out it was his depression/treatment that was causing me to be off with him, saying I was resentful of him, when all I wanted was for him to fucking acknowledge that it would have been nice of him to let me have a couple of hours sleep and now the day is again ruined because we're going to have hours of not speaking.
I for the first time called him out on him shutting down when I'm upset about his behaviour, and he eventually (after a long time of not saying anything while I tried to have a conversation and explain that I of course wasn't mad at him because of the depression, but that it is hard to deal with the kids by myself and try and look after him too) did something I really didn't expect.
He flipped out, got up, threw my laptop, and start yelling at me at the top of his voice, calling me names, amongst them he said "You're a piece of shit, I fucking hate you" :( My 2 year old DD was pottering around us; I had my newborn son in my arms. All I can see is him towering over me and yelling like that :( He has never in our five year relationship called me a name. He has never ever said anything like "I hate you". And all in front of our little children.
Am I over reacting to feel like I can't cope with staying with him? The pain and fear he caused me by acting like that, and especially in front of my tiny children, is making me feel so sick and distressed. I always said I would never put up this kind of treatment, I'd never put up with someone calling me names or making me feel afraid, or put up with someone who was willing to act anything like this in front of my children.
We've spent so much time so loved up and talking about the future, what we will do when our kids are older, planning holidays and experiences and life plans. And it feels like with just a few words it's all come crashing down around me. The pain the thought of leaving him causes in unbearable but at the moment I can't see any way past this. It was so scary and horrible :(
I'm posting partly to ask what you would do in this situation to see if I'm hugely over reacting, partly to remind myself how much he hurt and scared me in that moment so I don't minimise it to myself later, and partly to distract myself if anyone manages to read all of it and post some replies.