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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I have to leave don’t I?

111 replies

brokeninmoreways · 07/12/2017 20:58

My husband. Tonight, kicked me three times and called me names.

I have bruises and a gash,

It’s two hours later and he hasn’t apologised. I locked myself in another room but he made a point of using it.

I’m broken. He is normally nice but this was a kickboxing attack over portion control on oven control. I’ve lost sense of what is reasonable but I’m fairly sure he isn’t the person to tell me what is.

Did I cause this? Criticising him for putting out 6 fish fingers, and 13 chicken dippers and two waffles for one person? Even if I did, and was being unreasonable, should I get kicked?

OP posts:
Basseting · 07/12/2017 21:48

If he is asleep can you call 999 without waking him?
If not, can you lift your son and get somewhere else?
(Police station if necessary? They should help you there).

You cannot take care of your son effectively if you are being beaten.
He needs you. x

WhatAPigsEar · 07/12/2017 21:48

Please call the police tonight! Go somewhere he can’t hear you calling them. You need to make sure you and your son are safe.
Sending you strength and un mumsnetty (gentle) hugs.
None of this is your fault - even if you’d been sleeping with the whole town you wouldn’t deserve that

Kentnurse2015 · 07/12/2017 21:48

Please get yourself and your son out of this situation. Now. Not tomorrow

SonicBoomBoom · 07/12/2017 21:49

Take photos of the injuries.

Go to the police tomorrow. Can you do that, do you think?

HidingBehindTheWallpaper · 07/12/2017 21:49

I agree to get out now and calling the police but that is very easy to say from here.
What are his plans for tomorrow? Will he be going to work? Can you get your things together and go then?

TheweewitchRoz · 07/12/2017 21:49

Please call 999 now Op. You & your DS are in danger.

Kentnurse2015 · 07/12/2017 21:51

Dial 999 and then either cough or wait to be out through to an automatic operator and dial '55'

That is how you get help if you can't speak to someone for fear of being heard

pog100 · 07/12/2017 21:51

You don't have to wait, you have the evidence on your own body ... Reporting it makes the future easier, not harder. Whether you do or not, you must get rid of him by tomorrow. He should be leaving, but do whatever is safest initially.

CaveMum · 07/12/2017 21:52

Please call the police right now, if he’s asleep all the better but you must call them right away and tell them you fear for your safety.

Stay safe OP.

cestlavielife · 07/12/2017 21:52

It is far better to call now while you are bruised and bleeding.
He needs the shock.
Let him be woken up and spend night in a police cell.

raspberrylipbalm · 07/12/2017 21:52

I had a similar experience to you, so I can share how it worked for me. My DS was in the house, my exH assaulted me. I called 999, and the police came very quickly. ExH was arrested and they took him away. I made a statement to the police, emphasising that I was scared of what he might do if he came back. Police called me the next morning to say he was on bail and not allowed to return to the house. This gave me the time and space to see a solicitor and get him out permanently.

Why should you have to leave? You've done nothing wrong.

Please be strong for you and your DS.

LexieLulu · 07/12/2017 21:53

Police will support you, domestic violence is horrible.

You don't have to press charges, they will keep him overnight either way to ensure you're safe. They will give you every bit of advice of how to leave.

Please OP Thanks

Your partner obviously isn't bothered about you if he's gone to sleep!!!

HermioneIsMe · 07/12/2017 21:53

I agree with 999 NOW.
Because if you dont do it now, tomorrow you will fall back in line again.
Because you want his abuse to be recorded by the Police.
And because you want HIM out of the house, not you and your ds having to flee if you can avoid it.

cyclecamper · 07/12/2017 21:54

Please make sure you and your child are safe.

YCAWS · 07/12/2017 21:55

You ok OP? Come back and talk to us even if you don't want to call 999 now.

Yeahsureokay · 07/12/2017 22:02

If you're feeling overwhelmed with the responses op that's okay. It's okay to feel scared too. You need support though, no matter what you decide to do. Please do talk. We are here to help you, not judge you.

Shakey15000 · 07/12/2017 22:02

Please take the advice given.

Wilburissomepig · 07/12/2017 22:04

He needs to go. Call the police now and have him removed from your home. You absolutely did not cause, or deserve this.

OP, come and talk to us, you're not on your own. Flowers

PutUpWithRain · 07/12/2017 22:09

I know you don't want to call 999 now OP, but you should. You are scared. You have been assaulted. You are hiding. The Police will come, if you call them. They will take your OH away, and they will listen to you, and they will give you help.

Please call them. This is not normal life, nor should it ever be. Don't let your 12yo grow up thinking that this is normal. If you don't feel able to call the Police yourself, can one of us do it instead?

Whe my ex attacked me, the Police took him away. He wasn't allowed near me as part of his bail conditions. It was only once I was away from him (and had incredible support from a local charity) that I realised how terrible things had become. Please, if you don't feel able to call the Police, at least contact your local DV charity. They will help you, because they'll understand, and you won't be alone.

Loverunandwine · 07/12/2017 22:11

I agree with all the messages, leave. Your son is your motivation xxx

AdoraBell · 07/12/2017 22:12

You said it’s not the first assault but the first time he’s kicked you. So it is already escalating. The next assault will be worse.

Call the police and get your son away from this.

LemonMousse · 07/12/2017 22:13

Sweetheart you need to do something tonight because you know that sleeping on it and waking tomorrow to a 'normal' OH will make you think it's just a one off (again).
Please take the advice you're being given. Do it while it still hurts and you have that anger in you. By tomorrow you'll have lost the urge and you know it will happen again.

londonrach · 07/12/2017 22:14

Op get out tonight! Dont wait, just get out. Keep yourself safe. Nothing you can say or do deserves kicking ever!!!!! Its not your fault. Leave now. Family, friend or womans refuse tonight xxx

DistanceCall · 07/12/2017 22:15

FFS.

YES, you have to leave.

This is not normal. You did't do anything to deserve that. Your husband is an animal.

Take pictures of your injuries and report him to the police. And leave with your son.

It's not true that 95% is good. Your son is going to grow up to become an abuser or damaged in any other way. Protect him and protect yourself and LEAVE.

Littlechocola · 07/12/2017 22:16

If not for you do it for your son. Leave and call the police.