should i ahve an affair.. think not but please read

[naughtynippers]

Hi there i have been in a relationship for 12 years with a man we do not however live together although I do love and care for him. The fact is I care for him like a freind or a brother. I have my independence as i own my own house and car so there are no finacial things shared.

However I moved 12 mths agao and become very freindly with a lovely man who is 49, i am only 36. I cannot say at all I find him atractive but heis a lovely person and we have been chatting on and off on aol im. I was not looking for anybody else neaithe ras he although his wife died 5 years agao leaving a son of three (he is now 9)

well the realtionshiop in i am I feel relaxed and calm, good sex etc but the man swaers at me and has lost all respect although he can be nice and is nice most of the time.

Well what i want to know is that I want to go meet this man and get to know him, he lives on the street down. I often chat when taking my son to the park and he know lots about me as we im chat omn the internet.

The thing is though what shall I do, I have never been unfathfull before and really do not agree wit it. The man i cahet with does not have the same beleifs interests in life as me at all (* i ahve degree and well educated) he does local parcel courier work.

I really do not know what to do and why i feel like this about him... help please

Thanks

Surely if you don't find him attractive then sex is not even on the agenda ?

I hope this doesn't sounds harsh, but I would say always end an existing relationship before embarking on a new one.

If the new man is not right, well then so be it. If you are considering a new relationship, maybe it is time to call the old one quits anyway.

Message withdrawn

Well perhaps I do find him attractive. I think I have put a barrier up to not find him attractive as feel guilty about it. think he is lovely and get excited talking to him and love it when we chat outside in the garden etc.. I ahve been used to one man I suppose for so very long time.

if the fact that he is a parcel courier is a consideration I would say you are not that into him but the fact you are thinking baout it means you ned to examine your current relationship. Could just be that you are looking at this man with interest because things are not going so well for your curent longstanding relationship and these issues need to be addressed - but not with an affair as that will slam lots of doors in your face.

How would you feel, really feel, if any of the men in your life were posting a similar question on a similar website?

I apprecite your advice and told the other man in a reltionship etc and want us to be freinds etc but soemthing isnside me not sure what says different???

Sounds like the answer in NO AFFAIR to me !

if your existing relationship is troubling (something isn't right or you wouldn't be considering this) and your other choice (as you see it) is a man you are not attracted to, then....if i may be honest.... it sounds like you are worried about being alone rather than being with the right man.

if you are asking for advice, mine would be to be alone for a while as neither man sounds right for you.

oh, just read your next post, you do find him attractive.

then i would suggest ending your present arrangement before anything else. once that's dealt with, you are free to pursue other options.

well yes i suppose I do. He works at weekends in a supermarket and he looks attractive and I find him attractive fro some reason in these clothes. Perhaps because he wears what I call cheap looking unamed clothes that is waht I do not find attractive.

I dress nice sometime buy from charity shops but not look cheap and old manish if you know wha I mean. I am used to man looking nice well dressed, nice hair etc... I noticed when chatting the otehr night at the park he has loads of hairs sticking out of his nose and I found that very unatractive.. goodness why I am telling you all this lol.

I get excited thinking I may see him, thinking he may ahve left me a message.

Like I say I have told I want to be his friend and that is it so he suspect nothing else at all. He knows I am in a relationship as well and knows my partner to say hello to.

I think you fancy a bit of rough !

you have made me laugh.. lol. I am going now. But please not I think I enjoy the respect he gives me somthing that I do not get in my present relatinship.

I will check any more replies tonight as quite to this forum lark. I have 2 children 13 and 6

I find a bit of adultery often livens up my boring day, what's to think about?

oh u are making me laugh tooo............

i have been under alot of stress and today is a day i have laughed....

You don't want to go near anyone who does local parcel courier work, for goodness sake. How could that work?

xenia - whats so bad about a courier ffs?

is this a wind up by cod?

because he won't earn enough money goodnanny. it's always money. and power. and money. and power. and .......

I think Xenia is taking the piss.....

Never good to stray from traditional matchmaking principles. If you have a degree and are well educated no matter how good the sex is on offer I think you should turn it down unless you're into the Lady Chatterley / Mellors sleeping with servants type thing I suppose.

oh how can you even lower yourself to talk to this uneducated clot!!!!!!! FFS

I have a PhD and my DP is a carpenter - do you think i should dump him? get over yourself.

I'm the one who is single. I laugh at myself. But I still think long term matching with someone who is like you particularly in terms of views and world outlook is the key to happy relationships.

Being sworn and disrespected makes you feel relaxed and calm? Really??