WWYD: Boyfriend at Gentleman’s Club

[sunshiney78]

Hello
I’ve been dating someone for just over 2 months. Last night he & his colleague took some clients out to a fancy dinner. He kept in touch with me until I went to bed & this morning I received a text when was sent around 3am saying he’s on his way home.

I asked him what he did after dinner & he said the clients wanted to go to a gebtleman’s Club, so that’s where they took them.

How would you react to this?

[CoyoteCafe]

For the record, when I worked in a gentleman’s club I had tremendous say in when I worked, who I danced for, and so on. I honestly experienced far less nonsense from management there than I did as a waitress.

You can hate clubs and not be involved with any one who steps foot in them, but not for the sake of the “ladies” who work in them.

[TammySwansonTwo]

So because you had a positive experience then they're all fine and all the women are happy? Regardless, it's the male attitude that concerns me in situations like this.

I was at a uni event where they had a female and a male stripper perform separately. I kept away from both performances as it was pretty grim but I've seen first hand the differences between a male crowd watching a female stripper and vice versa. It's pretty dramatic.

[sunshiney78]

sigh So he says he had a private 1 on 1dance. Pffft! I thought I was finally starting to see a rainbow after my divorce...oh silly me.

[MrsBertBibby]

That whistling noise? That's a bullet flying past.

[sunshiney78]

MrsBertBibby love 😁

[SaturdayNightAtTheMovies]

Sorry, but not surprised, to hear that, sun.

Take it you've ended it then..?

[PersianCatLady]

He texted goodnight when I went to bed at 11. Then I woke up to a message this morning which I saw had been sent at 3am
Thanks for that.

Sorry I am sounding sarcastic but I am not I just genuinely wanted to know about it and I am glad that you replied.

Having not have a DP for a little while now, I thought that maybe it is a new thing to text all evening when you were apart.

Almost made me decide to not bother trying to ever find a new DP.

So, on evenings when you aren't together but he stays in, does he text you to say night and then you talk again in the morning?

[sunshiney78]

SaturdayNightAtTheMovies Yes, I’m just very wary after I discovered my ExH was Tinder and new guy’s previous marriage ended because he had an affair.
And the whole private dance thing, I can’t get my head around how he didn’t think of me at that moment whilst otherwise professing his love (not literally, but ykwim), for me when we’re together.
PersianCatLady He would often, not always text goodnight/good morning.

[PersianCatLady]

He would often, not always text goodnight/good morning
Sorry, I assumed that you lived together so I thought that he would be in your house when you woke up.

Silly me, thanks.

[Shitmyhairdressersays]

I'm trying to think if I was going to be hosted by colleagues at another branch of work for business meetings if I'd suggest to them that we pop along and view some gyrating, oiled up cocks over drinks... nope don't think it would enter my head.
Wtf at all the people who suggest it's normal to totally use women as a cheap commodity because 'business meeting'
And 'upmarket'?

[ClaryFray]

It's early days, did he know you wouldn't be comfortable with it? If he did then he's already disregarded your feelings. But he didn't lie. He openly told you. Which means he must think it's a none issue. If you like him talk it out.

[Pinkpillows]

What industries require you to take clients to see a woman strip?

[Iwantamarshmallow]

I don't see what the big deal is
Neither do I. I went to my to a strip club with my bf and his mates for his birthday when we'd been together about a month or two. That was 17 years ago and I guess strip clubs may be seen differently now but I don't think it's an offence worth dumping for .

[Ghostontoast]

Would you be more upset if he told you he went to a “titty bar”?

[Chippyway]

I was at a uni event where they had a female and a male stripper perform separately. I kept away from both performances as it was pretty grim but I've seen first hand the differences between a male crowd watching a female stripper and vice versa. It's pretty dramatic

Really??

Only every single strip performance I’ve seen, the female crowd are FAR more outrageous than the men!
Women will grab, grope and touch and say all sorts to male strippers. You go to a strip club for men and none of that happens. The men aren’t allowed to touch the women for starters. They’re not gunna be there screaming at the women shouting “get ya fucking tits out!!!” Like women shout “get ya fucking cock out” at the men. Honestly, a crowd full of women are like animals at male strip shows.

Why can’t people accept that women ENJOY doing that job?! It doesn’t mean they’ve been forced into it. It doesn’t mean they’re being pimped out or doing it for drugs etc. The women I know who work in the sex industry genuinely love their job. Not all women are delicate little flowers

[Lefty1]

So the guy your currently seeing split up with his ex due to an affair? I think that's very telling too , I'm of the opinion of once a cheat always a cheat.

If my DP told me he had paid for private dance so that a girl could gyrate on his lap wearing nothing (or just a thong ) then I would defiantly be dumping him. If he was just entertaining the business clients, he could always have just merely opted out of having a dance and instead just brought the clients their private dances imo. LTB

[Doesntfitthemould]

Sorry I don’t see the problem at all.
I have been to many strip clubs on business (I worked in a very male industry) and with friends. My husband was never bothered.
I have had many dances paid for by colleagues and customers, I have brought others dances.
It’s a dance not anything more.
The point is at the end of the night I went home to my husband.

[Christmascardqueen]

www.garrickclub.co.uk/

I have close family who are members. I guess it all depends what you mean by a gentlemen's club.

[TammySwansonTwo]

Chippy I can only comment on my own experience. The women may have been reasonably rowdy, but they were laughing and more bashful than anything. The men were lecherous, gross and barely concealing erections. The women I saw may have found it funny but it didn't seem to be sexual - although as I say, this was a uni event so perhaps a different demographic. I don't think I know any women who would shout "get your cock out" at anyone - although I know plenty of women who've had that and worse shouted at them while walking down the street so yes, I do think it's different.

[eastlondoner]

This wouldn't bother me. As long as he wasn't paying for dances.

[crazycatgal]

OP has already said that he paid for a private dance.

[AngelsSins]

If stripping is so "empowering", why aren't there clubs like this where men dance naked for hardly any money? Weird that, it's always women who are told that taking their clothing of is empowering...

Oh yeah, it's because it's bullshit. I always wonder how many of these men would be happy for their partners to pay for men to grind against them almost naked, especially the private dances.

OP, I don't think I would continue this relationship. Yes he was honest, but maybe that's just to test your boundaries, who knows. Is it worth finding out?

[kittydetective]

What's the big deal? I used to entertain clients and often ended up in strip clubs, I used to chat to the strippers ....

[g1itterati]

You have dodged a bullet OP. At least you've only wasted 2 months. As a PP said, "this is a low grade specimen". Onwards and upwards. You know all you need to know.
He has made his choices and lost you in the process. Let him get on with it - alone.

[StarOnTheTopOfTheTree]

What's the big deal? I used to entertain clients and often ended up in strip clubs, I used to chat to the strippers ....

I wish I were as cool as you...