Is change possible? - Domestic Violence/Emotional Abuse

[SanitysSake]

Dear All,

Not wanting to trigger anyone.. I have a question re: the above.

Do you think it's possible for a partner to change after they have been violent and/or emotionally abusive?

If so, how did they do it?

Would greatly appreciate your opinions x

No

With an enormous amount of work it may be possible but abusive people generally don't see themselves as the problem, so it is unlikely they would even contemplate starting the work, let alone complete it.

It might be possible in California.

(you may have guessed - California is my kind of Never-Land where everything is perfect ...)

Hi sanity - no they can't change mainly because they don't think they have a problem. They tend not to take responsibility for there behaviour. My ex hit me over the head with his knuckles when I was pregnant - he said I'd ignored him - that response was justifiable to him after many more grabbing my hands, pulling my hair - he did it in front of my son -8 years later. Hes gone now afterI finally pressied charges. He ended up with a restraining order for life. I always thought he had screwed up views about women - yes I wanted it to work - yes I did love him - but he never sought help. If he was healthy he would move and give you space. I doubt he will sadly. Look after your child - what messages are being passed onto your child. These formative years are so important. I didn't want my child messed up. Good luck

Honestly? No.

I used to post on here about how my H had reformed, and you know? He did try, he did anger management, we communicated, but after a couple of years he'd slipped and turned back into the Arsehole i'd briefly left before his reform.

Only it got worse than it was before... because now he had our counselling to throw back in my face.

They cant change, they might make all the right noises, but the minute they feel hard done by, or like you're not pulling your weight, or paying enough attention, or do anything that upsets/annoys them, that chipping away at your self esteem will start all over again because they will revert to type.

Walk away.

this becomes the mantra.