Fed up of this life- never imagined this would be my life

[Shadowboy]

I’m not even sure why I’m writing this, but I guess with a lack of real friends mumsnet is the only way to talk things through.

I really don’t enjoy my life. Some days I just want to cry about how far it from my plans and dreams.

I have done the whole married, kids, mortgage thing and I utterly hate it. I dread weekends for their monotony. It’s basicallt wake up. Take kids to clubs - wait for them. Go home put baby down for nap. Cook, clean, feed, clean, bed time routine and repeat.

I’ve given up my hobby as I don’t have time. I haven’t seen my best friend since she was a bridesmaid for me 5 years ago. Im skint because of childcare at £14k a year. Im too tired to do my job properly.

I hate my house because of my neighbours and how far away it is from friends.

We never go on holiday (other than to visit grandparents so the kids get to see them) so it’s the same views every week.

I’m beginning to resent my husband because it was him who wanted kids - I wasn’t sure- had never been around anyone who had kids- so I didn’t know what it meant to have them.

Is this really what life is about?

The kids have no interest in the horses as they have never seen you ride and don't realise there is fun to be had from owning them

If only that were true

Maybe I am barking up the wrong tree! My own middle child who is mad crazy on all animals and worships dogs, is left strangely unmoved by horses and never shown any interest in those across the road

Could you offer some grazing to someone else OP if you have enough, maybe have someone else around to chat too and ride with and also bring in a little bit of money?

Movable, count your blessings and £££s. Once the horse bug bites it’s deep, painful and costly for a long time. It’s a life long passion. 🙈😄

My first thought was "sell the horses and lease out the grazing". More time and money for you. Then look at the kids clubs and streamline them. Then find a cleaner. Don't give up entirely on your dream home - find ways to make it work better for you, at this stage of your and your dcs lives.

I'm not so sure about the advice to drop the clubs.
You can of course, if you want to. But as you've started them, the kids might be disappointed to stop.

It sounded like you were doing lots of clubs but I think that was the run down feeling of weekend life just being ferrying kids than made it sound like lots. It's just swimming and ballet, yes?

I would do school work during ballet but only if you promise yourself a week day evening that is work free in return.

And are your swimming lessons during a roped off public session? If so, go swimming at the same time! There are ways to make it less "dead time".

I also wouldn't necessarily move from your dream home if everything will improve as the get older, although being far out could mean ferrying them everywhere for 15 years +

Have been here.

I rehomed the poultry and put the horses on loan as my head was so full, I couldn't think straight. That eased the pressure enormously.

Things will ease as the kids get older.

Be prepared for your dream to change as you and your family develop and be open minded to your own changing mind if that happens.