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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

facing the prospect of single parenthood and don't know what to do or where to go from here....

76 replies

lonelymumof3 · 22/07/2004 09:40

DH has walked out and I am left with 3 kids on my own. I don't know what to do or where to go next. My whole world is falling apart. I am still in our rented flat for now but its in his name.....i know he will want me to leave here cos he has asked me to before when we were having a bad patch. He said last night that I might as well go back to my home town now......Im so upset, angry and confused.

OP posts:
MeanBean · 22/07/2004 09:43

So sorry lonelymum. Before you do anything else, get the number of your local citizen's advice bureau or a local solicitor (who will usually not charge you any money for the first session) and find out where you stand legally as regards your housing.
Do you really think this is the end, or is there a chance of a reconciliation?

bundle · 22/07/2004 09:45

i would stay put, the children need stability and he needs to know that. you poor thing. do what meanbean says and try to find out about your legal situation. x

Caribbeanqueen · 22/07/2004 09:54

Do you have family or friends in your home town who could help? If so, could you go to stay for a bit? Is your home town also in Shropshire?

Original poster
lonelymumof3 · 22/07/2004 09:55

i have my nan and cousin there. its 100 miles from shropshire.

OP posts:
StickyNote · 22/07/2004 09:55

So sorry lonelymum, you poor thing. The others are right, stay put for now and get as much advice as you can about the legalities of your situation.

reallyembarrassedbut · 22/07/2004 09:56

ok.. I'm no expert, but the denbts being in his name has got to be good, but get some advice first - I am sure people here know what the score is, but I'm sure you have some rights that mean you don't go if you don't want to, especially if he has abandoned the family home.

start trying to work out how you can see the DSS, CAB, and even the bank - if you don't have a bank that's pretty understanding, find one, a good one will see that if they look after you now you will repay them with your business in the future.

If it seems we are all going "good, he's gone" when that's not how you feel, then I hope you understand we are trying to protect you a bit, and help you plan, partly for the future, and partly as a distraction.

xxxx

lemonade · 22/07/2004 09:56

lmo3 - I don't know if I can offer any advice on this, only support. I think you'll get great advice here. Take care l xx

Original poster
lonelymumof3 · 22/07/2004 09:57

i havent said anything to my nan as she is old and frail and would worry herself into her grave. i cant stay with her as she hasnt got the space at the moment. if i say anything to my cousin she will tell nan as she only lives just over the road from her.

OP posts:
bundle · 22/07/2004 09:57

where's he gone to btw?

Original poster
lonelymumof3 · 22/07/2004 09:59

i dont know where he is

OP posts:
Caribbeanqueen · 22/07/2004 10:04

What do you want to happen lmo3? Do you want him to come back or stay away?

Beetroot · 22/07/2004 10:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

fairyfly · 22/07/2004 10:10

Lonely Mum of three, do you work, does he work, do you need to think about benifits? The bank won't give you anything if you are unemployed. Also if you stay in the rented flat, you will have to pay all utility bills can you do that before he leaves you in a huge amount of debt. As for leaving a rented flat, can you ring your landlord and tell him what has happened? Has the lease run out? If so he has broken the contract and the landlord would rather have his money. Can you afford the rent? Don't let him bully you into leaving, stay there until you know your rights. It is easier for him to find new rented accomadation, there is 4 of you.
Or are you just to upset to think about any of this are you still hoping he will come back?
Sorry for so many questions it is just hard to give any advice without knowing your financial situation. I hope you are alright.
How long has he been away, does he do this a lot?
Have you been unhappy for a while?

Original poster
lonelymumof3 · 22/07/2004 10:17

i dont work. he does-full time. I hardly see him at the moment anyway. the lease is on a month to month basis in his name. I don't know if i can afford to stay here or if i even want to stay here. I don't know if I even want him to come back now, but not sure if thats cos I am angry with him ATM?? My head is racked. I can't think straight.....

OP posts:
bundle · 22/07/2004 10:18

what did he say? did he storm out? or just leave quietly? he sounds a real s**t.

Original poster
lonelymumof3 · 22/07/2004 10:20

he just said he was going out and that was that.....

OP posts:
bundle · 22/07/2004 10:28

ffs!

Piffleoffagus · 22/07/2004 10:35

I reckon ring Gingerbread

link here
superb single parent focussed group with supreme knowledge on legal and financial entitlements. Please ring them you are entitled to help, he has to support your children.
Ps he sounds like a very cold man to be able to do this to you all and leave you helpless,
are you close to any mners? Where are you lmo3? We are here to help too if you need....
xx

fairyfly · 22/07/2004 10:36

You need to make some phone calls lonely mum, you need to ring your landlord. He has walked out on the property not you. Then you need to ring housing benifit. Then income support. Even if he comes back you need to do this to fall back on, or you will get
thrown out of the property for not paying the rent. Also take all you bills to the cab office and they will phone round and put you on affordable payment schemes.
How long ago did he walk out? Did he say anything? Did he say he would be coming back?
I know practical issues are the furthest thing you need to think about but you have to protect yourself.

Kayleigh · 22/07/2004 10:47

lonelymumof3 am so sorry you have been left like this. It sounds like you are getting some great advice. Be strong for your kids. Do you have friends that can help you out, maybe look after the kids for a bit while you try and get your head together ?

Original poster
lonelymumof3 · 22/07/2004 10:58

no kayleigh i dont

OP posts:
tammybear · 22/07/2004 11:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
lonelymumof3 · 22/07/2004 11:18

i cant afford a solicitor

OP posts:
mummytosteven · 22/07/2004 11:19

find one that does legal aid/free first interview

boudicca · 22/07/2004 11:20

just to say how sorry I am to hear of your distress
I'm sure once you get over this initial shock you will be on track for a much happier life without Dp-I've been in a similar situation to you-it does get better
stick with the MN'rs and you'll get lots of good advice and brilliant support,
love and hugs to you,B XXX