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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

facing the prospect of single parenthood and don't know what to do or where to go from here....

76 replies

lonelymumof3 · 22/07/2004 09:40

DH has walked out and I am left with 3 kids on my own. I don't know what to do or where to go next. My whole world is falling apart. I am still in our rented flat for now but its in his name.....i know he will want me to leave here cos he has asked me to before when we were having a bad patch. He said last night that I might as well go back to my home town now......Im so upset, angry and confused.

OP posts:
Original poster
lonelymumof3 · 26/07/2004 09:49

Sad Angry Sad Angry Sad

OP posts:
Aero · 26/07/2004 10:00

Have just read through bits of this and by your post it's obvious things aren't great. No advice to give - sorry - but you're very much in my thoughts and hope things improve in at least some way or other soon.

nikcola · 26/07/2004 10:02

hi lmo3 how are you ?xxxx

Original poster
lonelymumof3 · 26/07/2004 10:32

i feel awful

OP posts:
nikcola · 26/07/2004 10:34

whats happened ?

nikcola · 26/07/2004 10:38

how did the weekend go did anything happen???

Original poster
lonelymumof3 · 26/07/2004 12:24

We had yet ANOTHER arguement. After he spent the whole time shouting and ranting at me, I have resorted to sending him a text message saying that I think we need a proper break from each other for a while, that we are spending less and less time together, yet more and more time arguing and falling out. Maybe if we had a break, he would realise what he is missing? I am just worried....most people who go on a 'break' dont actually end up getting back together again do they? He hasnt responded to it yet..... I am so low. I have had enough.

OP posts:
mummytosteven · 26/07/2004 12:27

hope that he is using the time to think how best to respond, rather than just arguing back - take care

x

Original poster
lonelymumof3 · 26/07/2004 12:47

i sent it ages ago.....

OP posts:
tammybear · 26/07/2004 12:49

ive done what you did with dh to my dp. we were arguing and i told him that maybe we should just take a break, and i didnt hear from him at all. men are very stubborn, so you may not hear from him until he realises what he is missing. does that make sense?

lemonade · 26/07/2004 12:49

lmo3 - I agree with mummytosteven. Hopefully he's thinking things through.

I think he needs to be at home if you and he can bear it, for you both to talk things through and get things sorted, bit by bit. Also, if he's not there, then 100% of the childcare is down to you. I know it's normally 95+% anyway, but it's so much for you to cope with. You don't want your health to suffer as a result of so much stress. Take care. l xx

Piffleoffagus · 26/07/2004 12:52

Hi again LMo3
Texts can be hard to reply to as they are spur of the moment and often you cannot convey the true meaning of what you want to get across.
Have you tried writing a letter with all your fears and hopes on it and even if you do not send it, it helps enormously and gets you to run things through your head until you know what you want. It cna also take out some of the heat and anger so that you are able to deal with him on a rational basis, which can make it easier to access a compromise.
Men are very fearful and apprehensive of women scorned and hurt as we lash out, scream yell and destroy their egos (nothing less than they often deserve) but if you are aiming for a possible reconciliation then you may need to channel your negativity and anger in another direction for now, talk to us here... we'll bear it ok for you....
I think you are right about the break though, time out can sort out priorities.
Has he offered some help financially as yet, this is a huge issue for you at the moment? He does need to address this asap for you.
Take care

xx

mummytosteven · 26/07/2004 12:54

he is at work tho atm (I assume), it is difficult to think things thru properly at work

Original poster
lonelymumof3 · 26/07/2004 13:49

he hasn't even bothered to ring me during his lunch break.....

OP posts:
mummytosteven · 26/07/2004 14:15

oh dear. but it's not as if there is anywhere private to talk if he's still stuck on that building site.

Original poster
lonelymumof3 · 26/07/2004 15:50

he has managed to get away to talk before though. he has a break at 3 and didnt ring me then either

OP posts:
Original poster
lonelymumof3 · 26/07/2004 18:34

he is on his way round now.....dont know what to expect...

OP posts:
libb · 26/07/2004 18:49

Youi were so kind to answer my thread earlier - I am thinking of you and hope you both have a really good heart to heart tonight, it sounds hopeful that he is willing to talk. I don't want to excuse your DS but I don't think men have any concept of how important those crucial time scales are the way us women are, I for one can spend a whole afternoon waiting for DP to answer a text after an argument and he still doesn't see get why I might get cross.

Take care of yourself and keep posting here, you are surrounded by loads of people who just want you happy. Me included.

Original poster
lonelymumof3 · 27/07/2004 09:10

thank you libb......yes men are strange sometines and dont understand how certain things make us women feel.

OP posts:
Caribbeanqueen · 27/07/2004 09:49

What happened with dh last night lmo3? Did you manage to have a proper conversation and resolve anything?

Original poster
lonelymumof3 · 27/07/2004 09:59

he said he still loves me if that means anything?? I found a new house yesterday that is back in my home town, and hopefully it won't be long before we can move. He isn't sure if he is going to come with me yet though. I said that if he wants to come the kids and I would really like it, and hopefully it will mean a fresh start away from all the problems (ie families) here. Will have to wait and see I suppose?

OP posts:
Original poster
lonelymumof3 · 27/07/2004 10:01

i said that i had to move of i was going to stay sane....i didnt care where....just away from here, a bit nearer civilisation. There is a perfect one come up just down the road from my nan and cousin.

OP posts:
gothicmama · 27/07/2004 10:29

hopefully this will be the fresh start you need

mummytosteven · 27/07/2004 10:31

that's good that you have found somewhere more suitable - hope there's a tesco nearby as well you'll feel a lot less lonely with your nan and cousin round the corner for support

lemonade · 27/07/2004 10:39

lmo3 - I hope that this fresh start turns out well for you. I hope your dh does come with you and that you can start again. Take care. l xx

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